


A Universe's Remorse

by SKid99



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 14:18:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 50,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13055715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SKid99/pseuds/SKid99
Summary: Overhearing moments of the gems being conflicted over his mother, Rose Quartz, Steven starts feeling guilty for purely existing. His behavior starts to slowly alter, alarming the gems and their curiosity growing as to what is bothering him. When they find out the reason, the gems are left dumbfounded, unsure of what to do. I advise a trigger warning.





	1. A Roaring Pearl

**Author's Note:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

_'Steven, we can't both exist. I'm going to become half of you.'_

* * *

Steven had just come back from walking around Beach City with Connie. Connie wanted to walk Steven home but by the time they started to stroll, Connie's parents showed up to get her. Steven and Connie laughed and reminded each other they'd see one another again tomorrow. With Connie having the summer off, her and Steven could hang out a lot more often, which made Steven happy, as well as Connie. Steven ran up the stairs, his arms waving around, the warm breeze ruffling his hair and making the hem of his shirt sway around. A bright smile on his face, Steven stepped inside, looking around. No one was in sight; he assumed they'd gone on a mission while he was gone. He headed for the fridge, grabbed a snack and walked back outside, leaning against the siding while eating. He heard a distant grunt from below. He shook it off and dismissed it, thinking it was just in his mind. He heard it again along with some indistinct talking. He slowly stepped down the stairs, looking around the beach for anyone in sight. Eventually his eyes set on Pearl and Lion. He was ready to greet her when he heard her groan loudly, tugging on Lion's mane.

"Just let me inside your... fur thing, you animal!" Pearl pleaded, trying to figure out how to go inside the mane. Lion roared, standing in a defensive position. "Why won't you just let me inside? I just want to see-" Pearl was interrupted by Lion's growl. Pearl let him go, not wanting to provoke him. She groaned while clenching her fists. Lion still had his guard up, but he lay down, keeping an eye on the gem. Pearl sat in front of him, studying him. "Rose would have told me about you." Lion softly let out a huff before closing his eyes. "Rose told me everything... right?" She raised her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. "Rose... why did you have to leave me here, alone? I need you more than ever. I feel lost without you here. Why did you go?" Pearl buried her face in her arms. "I mean I know why, but, I would have stayed on Earth with you in a heartbeat. Now that you're gone... what do I even do? I'm a lost gem."

Steven made sure he wasn't seen. Overhearing Pearl, he felt a little pang in his heart. He looked down at his shirt, lifting it up a bit and staring at his gem. _'But she is here, Pearl,'_ Steven wanted to reply, but he knew he shouldn't. This moment was supposed to be a private moment for Pearl. Steven lifted his shirt back down and went back into the house, not wanting to disturb her anymore. Steven sat on the couch, slowly munching on what he had left of his snack. He reminisced the moment where Pearl wondered aloud.

* * *

_'Sometimes, I wonder, if she can see me through your eyes. What would she think of me now?'_

* * *

Steven wondered how often Pearl thought of Rose. He knew he missed her a lot and that she devoted her time to Rose, so she must miss her a lot. But how often would she think of these things? Did she think of things like that during missions? Did she want Rose when she looked at Steven? Would she look at a certain place or thing and have a memory of her? Steven couldn't possibly know, but he had a good idea. Steven barely finished his snack. He sighed, looking at his gem again.

"I wish I would have at least met you, mom. Maybe I would understand more if I did." Steven rubbed his gem, giving it a little smile. "Maybe I would understand why Pearl sees you like you're so great. I know you are great, but how great? I wish I could have known."


	2. A Curled Amethyst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

_'You're going to be something extraordinary.'_

* * *

Steven woke up groggily. He looked down at what he was laying on- his bed. He furrowed his brow. The last thing he remembered was being on the couch. Steven looked around the house, finding it empty once again. He threw the blanket off of him, trudging down the stairs. He rubbed his eyes lazily as he smacked his dry lips. He yawned, stretching his arms up like a little kid would.

"Morning, sleepy-head!"

"Wha-!" Steven jumped, slamming his back against the fridge. "Oh my gosh, Amethyst, you scared me!"

"I know!" Amethyst hopped off the counter, giving Steven a smirk. "It was fu-unny. Your face was like- doi!" Amethyst slapped her hand on her knee, laughing. "How'd ya sleep, Steverooni?"

"I slept okay. How about you?"

"Eh, yanno. Awesome, like always. Are you gonna make some food? I could use some right now."

"What do you want?" Steven chuckled, slipping two pieces of bread in the toaster.

"Surprise me," Amethyst replied, jumping on the couch and laying back, relaxed.

"Okay, but I'm gonna rush it."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna go hang out with Connie later."

"Aw. Well make sure my food isn't burnt or anything. You wouldn't wanna make me angry."

"I know that!" Steven made the classic breakfast: eggs, bacon, toast, and some juice. Handing Amethyst her breakfast, Steven awaited for her reaction. When Amethyst swiftly took another bite, Steven smiled from ear to ear. "I knew you'd like it!"

"Yea, yea," Amethyst waved off. "Shouldn't you be running outside or something?"

"Oh yeah! I'll see you later, Amethyst!" Steven ran outside, waving eagerly as he ran down the steps. Amethyst rolled her eyes while she smiled at Steven. After finishing her breakfast, Amethyst threw her plate in the sink and went into her room, snickering when she heard an angry cry from Pearl.

* * *

"Hey, Steven!" Connie waved over to Steven. "What's up? Did you just wake up a few minutes ago or something?"

"What?" Steven smiled innocently, rubbing his eyes quickly. "Psht, nahh. What do you wanna do?"

"Hm," Connie tapped her chin in thought. "Ooh! How about we go play hide and go seek tag?"

"Two games in one?!" Steven cried enthusiastically. "Okay!" They both ran over to the beach. "Who's it?" Seeing Connie run off, Steven smiled. "Guess I am. I'm gonna count to, uh, 30, okay?"

"Okay!" Connie yelled back. Steven averted his attention to the wide and vast ocean, the smell of salt water filling the air. Steven looked down at it, bending down and swishing his hand around in it. _'Lapis,'_ Steven thought to himself. _'I mean, Malachite. But... Lapis.'_ Realizing it was well over 30 seconds, Steven stood up and announced he was starting to search for her. He looked behind big rocks on the beach. He circled the beach many times, liking the challenge. Connie giggled from a distance, getting Steven's attention.

"I heard you, Connie," Steven said out loud, looking around him. "You might as well come out before I get yo-ou!" Another giggle from Connie, but from up high, not his level. Steven turned around and smiled- the house. He scurried up the stairs, trying to be as quiet as he could be. He slowly opened the door, sliding inside. Steven bumped into something and fell down. Rubbing his head, Steven squinted his eyes. "Ouch."

"Steven! I'm sorry, I didn't even see you there." Steven looked up and stared straight into Pearl's eyes. Pearl offered her hand to him. "Here, let me help you." Steven mindlessly took it and got on his feet, not taking his eyes off of her. "Steven... are you alright?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Have you seen Connie? We're playing hide and go seek tag, and I think I heard her up here!"

"I don't recall seeing Connie, sorry," Pearl smiled while she shrugged. Steven put his hands on his side.

"You know where she is!"

"A good person never reveals another's hiding place, Steven," Pearl bent down slightly and patted Steven's head. "Nothing personal." Pearl was about to go off when she caught sight of Steven's gem. She glanced at it for a moment, snapping out of her trance. "Lower your shirt, Steven, she'll see you and run off."

"Oh, yeah, thanks, Pearl!" Steven tugged his shirt down, running around the house to see if Connie was inside. He looked in the corner of his eye as Pearl left. He knew she was staring at his gem. He shrugged it off, his tongue out in anticipation as he tore up the house. "Geez, Connie, where are you?"

"Ugh! Are you kidding me?"

"...Connie?"

"Gah! Stupid thing! Gah!" Steven looked at the gem door. He stepped closer to it, startled when it was kicked. "If I dent this door again, Pearl will chew my ear off." Amethyst stared at the framed picture of Rose Quartz on a desk she had managed to find in her room, sighing in frustration. Her hand shook, the recent burn marks on her palm made by the curling iron bright red. "I just wanna look like her a little bit. It's probably stupid of me thinking that just curling my hair like Rose's will make me a better crystal gem warrior, but Rose was such a great fighter and stuff- maybe this will make me feel better about myself and make me stronger."

Steven's eyes felt a bit heavy. Hearing this brought back his negative thoughts. He tried pushing them away but it was getting harder with every confession he heard from the gems. Steven pushed himself away from the door before he could make himself more upset or risk being caught. He didn't even feel much like playing anymore, but he didn't want to keep Connie waiting and he didn't want her to think something was bothering him. He didn't want to bother her with this. He scurried out of the house and back onto the beach, calling out her name.

"Connie! Where are you?" Steven hollered out. He felt like he was searching for hours. Connie giggled behind a rock, seeing Steven struggle to find her. She saw his slumped stature as he merely walked, a bit puzzled. He was usually running around when they played. She cleared her throat loudly for Steven to find her. Steven turned her direction, waiting to hear another noise from her. Connie looked at Steven's eyes; they were a bit puffy and he had little bags under his eyes. Connie faked sneezed and saw Steven come her way. "Gotcha, Connie!"

"Oh man!" Connie shot up and pretended to get her foot suck between a rock. Steven quickly tagged her and started jumping around. Connie smiled in sympathy, still wondering about how all these sudden features came to appear on Steven now. "I guess you got me, Steven. Nice game!"

"You were a pretty good player yourself," Steven replied, helping her to pull her leg out of the rock. Steven looked up at Connie and met her gaze. He flushed, gulping a bit. "Hehe, uhm, what are you doing?"

"Huh?" Connie snapped back into reality. "Wha- oh, uh- Steven, are you okay?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" Steven chuckled nervously.

"You seem... off... is something bothering you? I just-"

"Connie! Time to come home!" Steven and Connie heard a shout from the other side of the beach. Connie's parents were in their car, waiting.

"Aw, well, I guess I gotta go, Steven."

"Aw no! Well, I guess we can hang out tomorrow, if you wanna."

"I think I wanna start dumping out all my junk from school tomorrow, but we'll for sure hang out the day after, okay? I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, sounds like a plan!" Steven and Connie hugged quickly, earning a disapproving look from Connie's parents. Steven smiled innocently as Connie ran over to her car and got into it. She waved as they drove away. Steven waved back, waiting for her to be out of sight before he let his smile fade. He shoved his hands in his pockets and went back into the house. He heard indistinct chatter coming from inside and became curious. He looked through the screen door and saw in the middle of the room; Amethyst, with her hair curled exactly like Rose's.

"Amethyst... how did you even...?" Pearl's eyes went wide at the sight of Amethyst's hair, a bewildered expression on her face.

"I know, pretty cool, right?" Amethyst smiled confidently, blowing on her nails, when she was really blowing on her palm. "I look so awesome."

"You look more stunning than ever," Pearl whispered in admiration. "If only my hair was long so I could style it like that."

Amethyst turned around and met her gaze with Steven's. She smiled, her brow raised. "Hey, Steeveen! Whatcha think of my new do?"

"I-it looks great," Steven smiled at her, his voice cracking a bit. "I don't know why you just didn't shapeshift into Mom like you did last time..."

"You wha?" Pearl's voice strained just hearing the sentence. Amethyst's eyes shot open wide, a nervous look on her face. Amethyst shot a look at Steven, huffing a breath.

"I wanted to personally style it myself, not do it the easy way, Steven. But I look good, right?"

"Yeah," Steven replied. "Yeah."

* * *

"Steven," Garnet started as she helped Steven into bed. "Sorry we've been kind of sparse here, lately. And for not telling you, we just want you to have a little bit of fun so you're not very stressed."

"Hehe, I know, thanks." Garnet smiled down at Steven and patted his hair. "Night, Garnet."

"Good night, Steven." Watching as Garnet walked down the steps and walked into her gem room, Steven turned toward to face the wall. He bent his knees up to his chest. He felt his eyes starting to well up, but he didn't know exactly why they were. Why was he so upset over this? It usually doesn't get to him, he knows Rose is an admired and a very-well missed person to the gems. Steven sniffled a bit and shut his eyes tight, waiting until he fell asleep, just so he wouldn't have to think of everything going on in his mind. Sleep seemed like the only safe haven for him in that moment.


	3. An Off Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

His eyes fluttering open, slowly adjusting to the sunlight shining through his window, Steven felt his chest get heavy. He didn't feel like being awake, he wanted to stay asleep. But he just couldn't. Once he was awake, there was no going back to sleep, unless he was very tired. Steven stirred, seeing if there was any position he could lay in so he could go back to sleep, but it was no use. Steven slid out of bed and fell on the floor, flat on his stomach. He groaned, but not in pain, he was just drained.

"Steven, yo, buddy! You doing okay?" Amethyst called from the couch.

"Yeah, I'm-"

"Steven!" Pearl's voice shrieked, the sight of Steven on his stomach frightening her. "Are you okay?"

"Pearl, I'm fine-"

"You could have cracked your gem, Steven! Who knows what could have happened if you- if you-"

"I'm fine," Steven said firmly, stumping Pearl a bit. "The gem's not cracked, I'm okay. _I'm_ fine." Steven looked Pearl straight in the eye as he said this.

"Alright then, I'll take your word for it..." Pearl replied slowly, wondering why Steven was eyeing her so intensely. "How did you sleep, Steven?"

"I slept okay. I'm still kinda tired." Steven backed down and broke his gaze from Pearl's, looking anywhere else. "Well, really tired."

"Did you have a bad dream or somethin'?" Amethyst asked, curious about his new displayed behavior. "It seems like you fell asleep angry or whatever."

"I don't know. I don't really remember my dream, but I know it wasn't nice," Steven replied, linking his fingers behind his back and kicking at the dust on the floor. "Where's Garnet?"

"I think she's waiting outside for you," Pearl answered. "She has the stereo outside, so I assume she's been waiting for you to wake up."

Steven walked quickly down the stairs and rushed outside. Pearl and Amethyst exchanged puzzled looks as Steven ran outside. Steven panted lightly as he stepped beside Garnet.

"Sorry if I took a while, I'm really tired, but I'm ready to exercise!"

"Are you sure you're ready? We can wait until you feel fully awake, Steven."

"No!" Garnet raised her brow up a bit at his outburst. "I mean, no, let's just get to it."

"Alright." Steven bent down and pressed the play button on the stereo, clenching his fists in preparation. They both squatted down several times, leaned to their sides, touched their toes, did some jumping jacks, and ended with mountain climbers. Garnet pressed stop on the stereo and looked at Steven, seeing his forehead damp. "Pretty soon, your gun show is gonna blow people away," Garnet commented, giving Steven a little smile.

"I'll just have to put these babies away," Steven replied, smiling back at Garnet. Steven would usually be out of breath or on his knees whenever they concluded their exercising, but today he wasn't. He was still standing and barely shook. Garnet smiled again, impressed.

"What's got you so into it today, Steven?"

"What do you mean?"

"You seem very committed. Is there something motivating you or pushing you?"

"Maybe I'm just getting better," Steven replied, his tone slightly harsh and hurt. Garnet frowned a bit as Steven's eyes went small, looking away from her.

"You're right. Your fighting skills are kicking in. Nice work out, Steven." Garnet ruffled his hair, feeling a bit at ease when Steven smiled at her.

"I'm gonna go eat, my stomach is rumbling. Do you want anything, Garnet?"

"I'm okay, Steven. You go on ahead." Steven nodded and walked towards the house. Garnet raised her hand to her hip, starting to think of Steven's behavior. Something was... off.

* * *

"Steven, your phone has been ringing for like, ever," Amethyst said as Steven started eating. "I think Connie's tryna talk to you."

"Connie? Oh- oh right! She said she'd call me!" Steven cried with his mouth full.

"Steven, don't talk with your mouth full, you might choke," Pearl warned. Steven nodded at her quickly and reached for his phone when Pearl swiftly took it. Steven gave her a 'what are you doing?' look when she put her hands on her hips. "Finish chewing, Steven." Steven rolled his eyes a bit and gulped his food down, holding his hand out for his phone. Pearl raised her brow at him and handed it to him. Steven dialed Connie's number and walked away, going onto the porch. "Amethyst, do you think something is bothering Steven?"

"Eh, maybe he's just having an off day," Amethyst replied, eating a sandwich. "Everyone has their days."

* * *

With Pearl and Amethyst out of the house a few minutes later, Steven strolled back in and took a seat in front of his TV. Connie and Steven were both calling each other at the same time and the line always made the 'interrupted' tone. Steven 'hmph'd and left it alone, waiting for Connie to call instead. Once she did, Steven answered immediately.

"Steven! Glad I finally got a hold on you. Why didn't you answer me?" Connie asked as soon as Steven's line connected.

"I was doing my work out with Garnet, and I left my phone inside," Steven replied. "I was in a rush, I didn't wanna keep Garnet waiting any longer than she had."

"Why was she waiting so long?"

"I usually wake up earlier but today, I woke up a little later than I usually do. I don't know why."

"I meant to ask you yesterday; are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"

"Well, it's just, you seem like something is really conflicting you. Like something is on your mind, and it looks like it's affecting your routine. When we were playing, I saw how puffy and baggy your eyes were, so I got concerned." Steven's mouth went a little agape as Connie spoke. He turned to the turned off TV and looked at his reflection, seeing now how his eyes looked. He touched them lightly, then rubbed his eyes to see if it made any difference. "Steven, are you still there?"

"Y-yeah," Steven stammered, staring at his reflection still. He noticed these new features he hadn't seen before, gliding his finger over them. "Sorry if I made you worry. I felt really tired yesterday."

"Well, hopefully you get all the rest you need, Steven. Meanwhile I'm cleaning out all this junk," Connie chuckled over the line. Steven laughed weakly. "But yeah. I just wanted to check in. I'll see you tomorrow, Steven. Right?"

"Definitely. See you tomorrow, Connie," Steven replied. Connie could hear him smile over the line. She smiled and ended the call, her worries now non-existent. Steven set down his phone and kept seeing all these new features and studied each of them. Why was he so tired? Why did he feel so... low?

* * *

"Hey, Steven, you should go get us some donuts or something," Amethyst called from outside.

"Okay, sure," Steven replied. He jogged down the steps and ran past them, feeling he had to be away from there. Going to get donuts was the perfect excuse. He looked down at his feet, only looking up to ensure he wasn't about to bump into anything. Some people walked by him and waved at him, getting only a little smile in return from the usually-bright boy. Pushing the door open to the Big Donut, Steven was glad the little shop had dim lighting.

"Hey, Steven," Sadie greeted him, waving. Lars was propped up on a chair, his feet on the counter while he was on his phone. "What can I get ya?"

"Just the usual, please," Steven replied, his hands in his pockets. "But, like 3 more."

"Coming right up- Lars, could you move?" Sadie grunted, trying to push him out of the way. He wouldn't budge, only snickering at her poor attempt to move him aside. She growled and pushed him off the chair, kicked the chair and grabbed Steven's usual order. Steven was a bit shocked at the display he just witnessed but said nothing, only held his hand out for his donuts. "Anything else for you, Ste- woah, what's up with your eyes? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just didn't get enough sleep last night," Steven said, giving her a smile to ensure her.

"Gee, Sadie, rude much!" Lars whined, just now getting up off of the floor. Sadie glared at him, making Lars submit. He didn't press any further. "Gosh, can't wait to get outta here, this place drains me." Sadie once again glared at him, but this time Lars rolled his eyes. "Yanno what I mean, Steven? Ah, probably not, you have a fun time anywhere you go. You don't have any big problems, not yet at least. Enjoy it while it lasts, Steven."

"Uh, thanks?" Steven responded interrogatively. "Thanks, Sadie, for the donuts. Here," Steven said, grabbing the money out of his pocket. "You can keep the change."

"Oh, thanks, Steven," Sadie smiled. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's no biggie," Steven waved airily. "I'll see you guys later. Have a good night!"

Steven dashed out, biting into a donut. Steven found a bench and sat on it, swinging his feet as he ate. He looked around as the light of the setting sun dimly shined on the buildings of Beach City. He saw people starting to close down their shops, seeing them laugh with their friends or family members. Farewells were exchanged, and see-you-tomorrow's as well. Steven grabbed another donut, starting to make his way home.

* * *

A thought occurred to Steven: Away from the beach, he felt light and like he could be himself. But as he got closer to the beach, he felt the sinking feeling come back. What was making him feel so weird? He tried to shake it off as he approached Amethyst, who was waiting on the porch.

"Steven, finally! What took you so long?"

"Sorry, there were people in line."

"I find that hard to believe," Amethyst snickered, grabbing 2 of the donuts.

"Hey, don't be rude. You asked me to get some for you and you're gonna diss on it? O-kay, whatever I guess," Steven argued, heading for the door.

Amethyst grabbed hold of his arm, pulling him back to face her. "Hey, what's your deal? You're acting crazy."

"Nothing," Steven said, holding his gaze. "I think it's just weird how you insulted something you wanted, that's all."

Amethyst locked her gaze on him for a minute, then scoffed, letting go of him. "Whatever," is all she said, biting into her donut. "It's just how I roll."

"I guess," Steven mumbled, slamming the screen door as he went inside. Pearl stumbled a bit at the slam, grabbing onto the couch cushion firmly as Steven walked in. "Hey, Pearl. Want a donut?"

"No thank you, Steven, you know I don't like to eat."

"Doesn't hurt to offer," Steven shrugged, walking up the steps and then plopping onto his bed. He didn't feel hungry anymore once he stepped through the door; his appetite vanished. Steven recalled his attitude at Pearl earlier on in the day and felt like his stomach was tied in knots. He frowned a bit and looked at Pearl, sucking in a breath. "Hey Pearl, sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to be mean or anything, I don't know why I was like that to you."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Steven. Amethyst said you were having an 'off day,' whatever that means. I assume you just need a good rest is all."

"Yeah, maybe," Steven nodded. "You're not gonna watch me sleep again, are you?" Steven joked, smiling a bit.

Pearl widened her eyes a bit, a light blush on her cheeks. "Wh- well, only if you don't want me to," Pearl replied, chuckling nervously.

"Wait, wha-"

"Steven, you gonna eat those?" Amethyst asked, pointing to his donuts.

"Oh, no, here," Steven wrapped them and threw them to her. "Sorry I was kinda rude, Amethyst."

"Eh, it's nothing," Amethyst replied, holding a donut over her head. "I'm an angel, yanno."

"Far from it," Pearl mumbled, smirking as Amethyst scoffed. Watching them bicker, Steven felt a little better, but he was still feeling bothered. As long as he was on good terms with the gems, he was happy. Or was he?

* * *

Steven rolled himself as a burrito in his blanket, his eyelids getting heavy. He had been watching TV to pass the time. Seeing Steven starting to drift to sleep, Pearl quietly went up and turned off the TV. She slid a pillow under his head so his neck wouldn't get stiff or ache when he woke up, smiling down at him. Steven stirred a bit, opening his eyes just enough to see Pearl looking at him.

"Pearl?" Steven mumbled, blinking his eyes repeatedly to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "What are you...?"

"Oh...!" Pearl stammered, slowly stepping away. "I wasn't- hehe- watching you sleep or anything- good night, Steven!" Pearl scurried off, going into her room to avoid embarrassing herself any more. Steven yawned and turned on his side, his hand instinctively sliding on his gem. He clutched it gently, trying to go back to sleep.

* * *

_Steven found himself in a bright room, with everything he enjoyed in life. The gems, his dad, his friends- everything he liked was in that particular room. He started walking, smiling as he passed some of his likings. But then the room lengthened, and the bright colors started to slowly fade away. Some of the things he liked were fading in the back where the room was colorful and bright while the gems were stretching with the room. From colorful to gray to black, the gems followed him there. He then found himself floating in the air, surrounded by pitch black darkness._

_"Guys?" Steven called out. "Hello? Garnet? Amethyst? Pearl?" Steven looked around, squinting to see if he could see anyone or anything at all. Then, out of nowhere, Pearl appeared from a distance. Steven sighed, relieved. "Pearl, where are we? Are we on a weird sky mission?" Pearl flew closer to him, not moving and not saying anything. "...Pearl?" Her face soon became the center of the room, her eyes boring right into his. She had a look of resentment and hatred in her eyes, and it made Steven feel small._

_"Why are you here?" Pearl's voice boomed around the whole space. Her voice sounded sad all the while angry. "Why are **you** here? We didn't ask for this- I didn't ask for you. None of us wanted this, but yet you're still here. Why are you here? **Why are you here?!** "_

* * *

Steven shot up in a cold sweat, his eyes wide. He woke up so quick that his vision was blurry and he was dizzy. He brought his hand up to his head, quietly groaning as he waited for it to subside. He looked around the room, making sure that he was actually in the house and that he was actually alive. His hands searched his body. He wanted to make sure he was still there and not still stuck in the dream. His breathing slowed down a bit, his heart slowing down as well. He looked down at the screen door and saw that it was still night time. He laid back down, unwrapping himself from the blanket. Surprisingly, he fell back asleep with no trouble, and with no more dreams for the rest of the night.


	4. A Universe's Long Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Steven had no dreams for the rest of the night because whenever he was about to have another one, his heart rate would pick up and his mind would make him wake up as to avoid having any more dreams. Steven constantly woke up, gasping loudly every time he did. He didn't get much sleep that night. He looked around to make sure Pearl wasn't watching him from afar. He didn't know if he could even bear to look at her after his dream. He didn't know if he could even look in her direction when it was time to wake up. He was afraid to face her, but why? Just because of a dream?

_'It was just a dream; it's not like that was actually Pearl,'_ Steven thought to himself. _'It wasn't real, so I shouldn't worry about it.'_  
With that thought, Steven fell back asleep, and stayed asleep with no more jumpscares at 3 am.

* * *

Noon. That was the time.

Too late to do morning exercises, too late to make Amethyst a small breakfast, too late to watch Pearl train from afar. Too late to do his morning routine.

Steven looked around the house, seeing it empty once again. He looked for the time somewhere and when he saw it was noon, his heart sank. The guilt started to build up. He quickly climbed out of bed, ruffled his hair enough so that it didn't look so bed-heady. He ran out the door, looking for any sight of the gems. He ran down the stairs and bumped into Lion when he wasn't looking.

"Lion! Have you seen any of the- wait, you can't talk," Steven said, while Lion gave him a blank expression. He turned and was about to run off to find them when he bumped into Pearl, who was charging at Lion. They both fell to the ground, groaning. Steven rubbed his head and opened his eyes to see a spear. He felt as if his heart and mind just froze right there. He couldn't move as his eyes set on Pearl.

"Steven, I'm sorry, I didn't see you," Pearl said, getting up on her feet. "Guess we're just so clumsy lately, huh?" Pearl stretched her hand down to Steven, offering to help him up.

Steven flinched as she raised her hand down to him, his body instinctively backing up to Lion. Steven's bubble activated, his body shaking as he got frightened. Lion bucked up and stepped in front of Steven, growling at Pearl.

"Steven? What's wrong?" She looked at her spear and gasped. "Oh no, did I hurt you with my spear? I'm so sorry, Steven, I didn't mean it! I never meant to hurt you, R-Steven!"

Steven whimpered, not looking her in the eye. Pearl took a step closer but was blown away when Lion roared loudly. Pearl was trying to collect herself from the sonic roar when Lion absorbed Steven into his mane and ran away, far from Pearl and the beach. From a distance, Pearl was yelling after Lion, telling him to come back, but Lion kept going.

* * *

When Steven opened his eyes and found himself in Lion's mane, his bubble disappeared. With it, his only source of oxygen. Steven gulped in what little air was in Lion's mane and tried holding his breath for as long as he could but he couldn't keep it in any longer. He jumped out and rolled down the hill where Rose's moss usually grew in Spring. Lion stayed up top of the hill and fell asleep as Steven gasped for air.

After getting his breathing in control, Steven calmed down, his heart pacing normally. He noticed a tear in his shirt, right over his chest down to the hem of it. Beneath it was a long scratch. Pearl had harmed him, but he knew that wasn't why he froze. He didn't even know about the scratch until just then. Just looking at her made Steven have flashes of his dream- but what one might call a petty dream that most likely meant nothing, Steven considered it one of his worst nightmares yet that symbolized a lot. Steven walked up and then sat beside Lion, petting his mane.

"Wait, why did Pearl even have her spear out? And why was she running towards you? ...Lion... was she charging at you?" Steven asked, looking at Lion gravely. "Was she going to hurt you?" Lion simply huffed out a breath, but Steven took it as a yes. "She was going to hurt you! She was going to hurt you just to get inside your mane! I could easily just go in and let her look at some stuff of mom's with no problem! Why doesn't she just ask me? I know she misses her a lot but it wouldn't kill her to just ask or talk to me!" Steven was now pacing, his eyebrows furrowed.

"She keeps making me feel... bad... for not being my mom. Her and Amethyst miss her, I know it, I heard them. Who else is missing her right now? That's dumb to ask, never mind. Everyone that knew mom missed her. Dad, Garnet- wait," Steven looked at Lion with sad eyes. "You... you probably miss mom too, don't you?" Lion laid his chin on his arms, staring at Steven. Steven stepped toward Lion and scratched the top of his head, watching as Lion closed his eyes. Steven sighed. "Every one is missing mom. And I'm being selfish about it." Steven sat down, feeling defeated just for solely expressing his feelings. "I don't deserve to be mad about it."

Feeling bad for just thinking of his feelings made Steven want to disappear so to not bother the gems. When Lion rode him home, Steven made him stop in front of the ocean. Lion wandered off into the house and left Steven alone. Steven waved his hand in the water, cupping some in his hand. Connie came up behind Steven, startling him. She widened her eyes and giggled a bit embarrassed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, Steven. I called you earlier but you didn't answer. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm just feeling kind of down." Steven squeezed his eyes tight as he said the words. The guilt was coming back.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Connie asked, taking a seat next to him. "You look like it hurts you just to talk about it."

"I want to, but I feel guilty for expressing my feelings." Now he clenched his fists.

"Steven, is something going on at home?" Connie asked slowly, hoping the answer was opposite of her suspicions.

"N-no! Nothing like that is happening!" Steven replied quickly, shaking his hands. "It's just stupid. I had a really scary dream and now I feel scared today. That's it."

"You're getting bad sleep and you're having bad dreams when you can actually get sleep. What's going on?"

"I think... I think I miss my mom. It's weird to miss her because I never met her, I know, but, lately, she's being missed. It makes me feel weird."

"Maybe you need to find time for yourself, Steven. If you're feeling so bad, you need to find a time where you can go off alone. If we have plans to hang out and you feel like you need some time alone, it's okay to cancel. There's always other times to hang out with you."

"But what if I start cancelling on you a lot? I don't want you to wait to hang out with me just because I'm feeling sad."

"I want to hang out with you when you feel up for it and when you want to, not because you feel like you have to for my happiness. I want you happy too, Steven." Connie laid her hand on top of Steven's, smiling sincerely at him. "I want you to sort this out first, okay? Take all the time you need. I can help you out if you want me to in any way I can."

Steven looked down for a minute at the ocean. His eyes flickered back and forth from the ocean to Connie's hand on top of his. Steven sucked in a shallow breath and laid his other hand on top of hers, finally meeting her gaze. He smiled sadly yet warmly at her, a grateful look in his eyes. "Thanks, Connie. You're the bestest friend anyone could ask for."

"You shush," Connie replied, smiling bashfully at the comment. "Do you wanna eat a snack and play some music on your ukulele and my violin before I leave?"

"Okay," Steven nodded, feeling better. "Sure. But can we play somewhere else? I feel more comfortable away from the house right now."

"Sure. Let's play at the Big Donut? I'm sure Sadie won't min- woah, your shirt! And you have a big scratch mark! Does it hurt?"

"Oh, it doesn't hurt, I'm okay. I'll change my shirt really quick, grab my ukulele and we can go play."

"Alright, I'll wait out here!" Once Steven came out with a good shirt and his instrument, they headed into the city.

* * *

Steven hugged Connie as tight as he could, feeling happier than he could remember he felt the last time. She laughed as Steven lifted her up off the ground and twirled her around. They played their instruments for Sadie, which Sadie had enjoyed and applauded for. Their music even attracted some customers for the Big Donut. Then they went to the arcade for a while, walked around Beach City, reenacted some lines from the Spirit Morph Saga series, danced around and had a real game of hide-and-seek tag. Luckily Steven and Connie hugged before Connie's parents drove up to pick her up. Connie patted Steven's shoulder and gave him a warm smile.

"I hope you feel better soon, Steven. You call me whenever, okay? And don't be afraid to have to cancel if you're not feeling so good."

"Thanks again, Connie. I had a lot of fun today."

"Me too," Connie replied. "I'll see you later, okay? Bye!"

Steven waved as she drove off and strolled home, hoping his happiness wouldn't fade once he approached the beach. He stepped in, seeing all the gems inside. Garnet was watching Crying Breakfast Friends with Amethyst, unamused looks on their faces. Pearl was sitting on the couch, her eyes landing on Steven as soon as he stepped through. She shot up, startling Steven a bit. Steven felt like backing up, but he reminded himself that the mean, condescending Pearl was only in his dream, it never really happened. He looked at her as she slowly approached him.

"Steven, are you okay? I wanted to give you some time so that I wouldn't scare you any more than I already did. I really didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm okay," Steven replied. Pearl lifted up his shirt and looked away as she saw that the big, long scratch was puffy and red. "Pearl, it's okay. It doesn't really hurt. But, I want to know why you were charging at Lion."

Pearl hesitated before she spoke. "I was trying to find a way to attack him when he used his sonic roar."

"...that's it?"

"Yes?" Pearl said, confused with his question. "Did you expect another answer?"

"No," Steven said, his hand on his head. "I'm relieved," he mumbled to himself, a little smile on his face. "Okay. I'm gonna try to sleep, I had a long day!" Seeing that his favorite show was on, he rushed up the stairs. "Wait, I wanna watch some before I-"

"No no," Garnet chuckled, sliding her hands under his armpits and lifting him up to her level. "You said you wanted to try to sleep, you little sneak."

"What? I never said that," Steven said, closing his eyes and hiding his hands behind his back, his lip puckered out. He opened one eye to see if Garnet bought his act, but her smile said otherwise. "Oookay, fine, I'll try to sleep."

"Good Steven," Garnet said, setting him on his bed. Garnet walked off with Pearl, leaving him and Amethyst. Steven leaned over to Amethyst a bit, a little smug smile on his face.

"Hey, wanna watch one episode before I sleep?" Steven whispered, a big smile on his face.

"Nah, I don't feel like it." Amethyst stood up, looking at him with a firm expression. "You better get your sleep so you're not so crabby again."

"Oh," Steven said in a mummer, sitting back down on his bed properly, his hands in his lap. "Okay. Night."

"Night, kid," Amethyst said simply, walking away.

Steven watched her leave, then fell flat on his back on his bed. He laid, his arms and legs spread out for a moment before he started to get a little cold. He pulled his covers over him and stayed awake for a couple of minutes, taking in some deep breaths to prepare himself for his sleep. What used to be his safe haven was now something he was a bit frightful to encounter. He closed his eyes, waiting for his mind to make him drift off to sleep.


	5. Unsettled Gems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Steven rose, looking at the time. It wasn't as late as yesterday, which made his pacing heart slow down. He felt a little relieved. He rolled out of bed and skipped down the stairs, running his hands through his hair, fixing it so it would look more better. Hearing commotion outside, Steven rushed to stumble out the door.

 _'Are the gems fighting something without me? Did they want to let me sleep in?'_ Steven wondered to himself. He panted as he ran out the door and looked down from the balcony, his breathing slowing as he only saw Pearl and Amethyst practicing, with Garnet watching. He was about to go back inside to make himself some food when he heard a very disgruntled growl from below. He'd heard them grunt plenty of times but never so... cross. He shook it off after a minute or so and headed for the door, but the sound of a loud cry stopped him in his tracks.

"Okay, that's enough!" Steven heard Garnet yell. Steven ran to a corner of the balcony to where he wouldn't be noticed by the Gems, wanting to know what was going on. "Amethyst, what has gotten into you?" Garnet spat, her voice stern.

"What does it matter? I won, didn't I? Isn't that the point?"

"The point is to see where you need work on your fighting skills, not to batter Pearl to release whatever is angering you so badly."

"Whatever," Amethyst mumbled, not daring to look Pearl in the eyes as Garnet helped her up. Pearl shook as she struggled to stand, her eyes shooting daggers at Amethyst. Pearl and Amethyst had intense practices before, but this had never happened before.

"It is not _whatever,_ Amethyst! Look at what you did to me! Did I do something to make you so angry towards me?" Pearl asked, her brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed. "If there is, I can assure you we can work it out in a different manner, not with you injuring me!"

"It's not you," Amethyst replied simply.

"Then what has got you so worked up?"

"It doesn't matter!" Amethyst said firmly, heading towards the stairs. "I'm gonna get a snack or whatever."

"Amethyst, we're not done talking about this," Garnet yelled to her as Amethyst started going up the wooden steps.

"We never are, are we?" Amethyst replied blithely, rolling her eyes.

Steven scrambled to his feet and crawled to the door, opening it slowly to ensure that Amethyst wouldn't discover what all he overheard. He did this successfully and ran to the fridge, sticking his head inside it and preparing to face Amethyst. He rubbed his eyes to make them puffy enough to look like he just rose out of bed and bent down slightly. Amethyst stepped inside and saw the fridge door open, raising an eyebrow. She walked over and saw Steven, his head pressed onto a juice jug. She half-smiled, a bit amused.

"Hey, Steverino," Amethyst spoke, leaning against the fridge door. "Catching some z's there?"

Steven pretended to jolt awake, happy that she bought his act. "Wha? Oh, hehe, I guess I'm still pretty tired."

"Obviously," Amethyst replied. "Did you have another rough time sleeping? None of us like grumpy Steven, it's so not you."

"Nah, I slept okay last night. Are you gonna eat or something?" Steven let out a yawn. "I was about to make a sandwich or something."

"Sure, I'm kinda hungry anyways." Steven nodded and pulled out things to prepare a sandwich for he and Amethyst. He was in the mood for PB&J while Amethyst wanted a simple sandwich. While Steven started to make Amethyst's, the two heard distant footsteps approaching them; very rapid and heavy footsteps. Steven gulped quietly and forced himself to focus on making the sandwich while Amethyst simply ignored it, letting out an annoyed sigh. She knew what was coming.

"Amethyst, you better-" Pearl started as she made the screen door fly open. She was ready to discuss the issue when her eyes spotted Steven, who had jumped at the loud sound. She sucked in a breath, stood up straight, and exhaled heavily. She didn't want to do this in front of Steven. "-clean your mess after you're done eating," Pearl finished, her teeth gritted. Garnet kept her eyes on Steven, seeing his panicky eyes trying to focus on the food in front of him and his shaky posture.

Garnet started off with another question instead of the obvious one. "Sleep well, Steven?" Garnet asked. "You seem spooked."

"I slept fine," Steven's voice cracked under the pressure.

"I think we startled him," Pearl whispered to Garnet, her eyes softening a bit. "We should discuss the matter later."

"Hm." Garnet nodded, walking over to Steven. She knelt down to his level, looking him in the eye. "Sorry, Steven. We didn't mean to scare you."

"What? Me scared? Never," Steven tried to play it off, puffing out his chest. Garnet smiled to humor him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Never you," Garnet replied, giving his shoulder a squeeze. She stood back up on her feet and looked at Pearl and Amethyst. "We're talking about this later on. No matter what."

"Good," Pearl agreed quickly, wanting justice and information as to why Amethyst did this to her. Amethyst only nodded once, then averted her attention on her sandwich on the counter. Steven quickly made his sandwich, put everything up, gave Amethyst her sandwich, and sat down on the couch.

"Thanks, Steven," Amethyst said, biting into her meal.

"No prob, Bob," Steven smiled in response.

* * *

An awkward silence filled the room, and Steven made sure he kept his eyes only on his meal or on his feet. Eventually Pearl stepped into her room and Garnet outside. It was only Steven and Amethyst. Steven had finished his sandwich a while ago, but didn't want to get up. He sneaked a peek at Amethyst and saw her empty plate. He cleared his throat, got on his feet, and held his hand out to collect her dish.

"Hm? Oh, yeah," Amethyst gave him the platter. "Thanks again."

"Yeah," Steven said, walking to the sink. His back turned to her, Steven decided to try to get her to tell him what was wrong. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Amethyst replied quickly. She sighed, then repeated, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Steven asked hesitantly.

"I'm fine, Steven!" Amethyst spat out. Steven flinched a bit at her outburst and looked away, nodding submissively. Amethyst looked at him and regretted yelling at him, he was only trying to be there for her. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"Don't sweat it," Steven replied quietly, keeping his focus on the floor. "I'm gonna go outside." Amethyst nodded awkwardly, her arms crossed as she watched Steven walk out. She sank into the cushions of the couch, dragging her hand down her face.

* * *

"How much did you hear, Steven?" Garnet asked as Steven walked out on the balcony. Steven was startled for a minute, then felt a cold sweat.

"I dunno what you're talking about?" Steven said innocently.

"Steven, you know I don't like lies," Garnet replied, leaning against the wooden railing. "How much did you hear earlier?"

Steven sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I woke up and heard you guys. I thought you were fighting a monster or something and didn't wake me up because you wanted me to get more sleep. I ran down stairs and saw that you guys were practicing. I was gonna go inside but then I heard Pearl scream, and I got worried. I wanted to know what happened. I'm sorry."

Garnet adjusted her shades, letting out a quiet, sad sigh. "Don't be. I don't know what's gotten into Amethyst today. Do you know anything, Steven? You have to tell me if you do."

"I'm sorry, I don't," Steven replied. "I tried to ask her but she got mad, and then I got scared to try to ask again."

"At least you tried," Garnet said, patting his shoulder. "I'll get it out of her somehow. Anyway. Are you going to do anything today?"

"Mm, I don't have anything planned. Maybe I'll go play in the water or something, or go visit Dad."

"Sounds fun. If you visit Greg, tell him I say hello, will you?"

"Always," Steven nodded. Garnet ruffled his hair, smiling down at him. She then went inside the house, leaving Steven alone. He jogged down the stairs and ran to the ocean water, the smell of salt water in the air. He knelt down and swished his hand around in the water, then rolled up his jeans a bit so the waves wouldn't wet them. Steven splashed around and ran in the water, laughing until he tired himself out. Later on he sat on the sand, looking thoughtfully at the water, getting lost in his thoughts as he pondered memories.

* * *

Meanwhile, Garnet rushed up the stairs, bursting into the house, making sure she didn't slam the door too hard to get Steven's attention. She was determined to get answers for Amethyst's attitude no matter the circumstances. Once she had made it clear she wanted to discuss it, Pearl was quick to join, with Amethyst dragging behind her. Garnet inhaled a breath deeply and tilted her head down to Amethyst, her arms crossed over her chest. Pearl stood by Garnet's side, awaiting the explanation.

"It isn't my fault," Amethyst began.

"Huh! I have the marks to prove you wrong-!"

"Would you just shut it for a minute and let me finish," Amethyst hissed, clenching her fists. "I wasn't mad at you, specifically."

"Then who made you this angry?" Garnet asked.

"It's not someone who made me mad, it's just what happened that's making me- not mad, really, but- sad, I guess. Angsty."

"What are you going on about?"

"Rose." Garnet and Pearl's eyes widened a bit, taken aback. They glanced at each other, then averted their attention back to Amethyst, whose gaze was at her feet. "We all know that Pearl's been tryna find a way to get into Lion's mane so she can look at what's inside and what Rose put in there." Pearl blushed and quickly looked elsewhere, embarrassed, but mostly spiteful her true scheme had been revealed. "You're lucky Steven bought your little lie. He probably would have been mad if he knew you'd try to hurt Lion just to get inside his mane. Anyways..."

* * *

Steven's thoughts clouded him the longer he pondered in the water. He shook his head and jogged out of the ocean water, turning his back to it. He stopped as his eyes could see both the house and Beach City. He didn't know which way he wanted to go. His mind was urging him to go into Beach City, but something was pulling him to the house. He found his feet going towards the house and rushed forward, accepting his body's decision. His sandals were bothering him, the rubber between his big toes and the second toe making them itch. He slid them off, clutched it in his hand, and walked up the stairs. Ready to go inside the house, he stopped as he spotted Garnet's feet not far from the door.

"...lucky Steven bought your little lie. He probably would have been mad if he knew you'd try to hurt Lion just to get inside his mane."

Immediately piquing his interest, Steven knelt down the side of the door to where he could run down the flight of stairs to avoid being caught.

* * *

Pearl laughed nervously. "I told Steven the truth. I was only trying to find a weakness of Lion's sonic roar."

"True, but you left out you only wanted to do it so when you wanted to try to make Lion let you in his mane and he uses it against you, you'd avoid it easy peasy." Pearl felt herself drift away from Garnet's side and toward the couch. She brought her hand up to her forehead, her eyes wide as could be.

"Are you meaning to tell me you're upset because Pearl is upset?" Garnet asked, somewhat puzzled.

"No."

"...I don't understand."

"Pearl's always sad about Rose not being here-"

"-not always!"

"Whatever. Whenever she is, it's easy to understand. We all miss her. But this time, I dunno, just seeing her trying so hard made me realize that I've been lagging it. If Rose saw me now, what would she think? Ever since she left, I haven't done much!"

"We have defeated many gem monsters- we've saved the Earth!" Garnet pointed out.

"We have, yeah, but what have I done by myself?" Amethyst cried, her voice hoarse. "Name something!"

"Amethyst, we've all worked very hard to keep Rose's name alive, and to show what real Crystal Gem warriors are like!" Pearl boomed, stepping towards Amethyst, tears in the corners of her eyes.

Amethyst scoffed, but she was surprised at Pearl's outburst. "What are you going on about?"

"Do you know how hard we-"

"That's enough!" Garnet yelled, immediately stopping the bickering between the two. Amethyst's and Pearl's unsteady gazes were on Garnet, awaiting uplifting words. Their chests felt heavy as Garnet only said, "Get into your rooms and sort this out as you please. Fighting each other won't solve anything. It never has; I don't see why you two keep arguing."

Nothing more was said for seconds- no movements, no words, not even heavy breathing could be heard. Amethyst narrowed her eyes so tight, her ears started ringing. "Whatever. I'm gonna go wrestle or something." Amethyst formed into her wrestler muse and trot off, not looking back as she did. Pearl's eyes flickered to Garnet for a moment before she walked into her room, her posture poor. Garnet let out a heavy sigh and went into her room right after Pearl, leaving the living room empty.

* * *

Steven couldn't bare to move. His eyes were as glazed as could be, but he blinked them away before they could trinkle out of his eyes. He managed to keep in his insufferable sniffles during the gems' banters. He began sniffling violently, his hands linked around his knees that he brought up to his chest. How much more of hearing about his mom could he take this week? It was getting too hard for him to even hear his own mother's name, and that upset him more. Steven let out little whimpers here and there for a while until he eventually stopped. He slowly rose, feeling a bit dizzy. He had sat and sulked for a long while. Long enough for his legs to fall asleep. He went down the stairs, shoved his hands in his pockets, and started walking to the one person he knew that could always lift his spirits in the hardest times.


	6. Warming Universes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Walking past people with his head faced down, Steven only waved lamely as people on the boardwalk greeted him. He didn't bother lifting up his head. Recognizing the path he usually took to get to the place, Steven finally lifted his head up, his eyes set on the colorful van. Instinctively, he started walking a bit faster, then found himself running to the van. He started sniffling again, his emotions getting the best of him. Amethyst and Pearl have been acting very strangely just missing Rose, he didn't know how much more he could handle.

Approaching the rear van doors, Steven stood still for a moment, contemplating whether he should knock or not. His balled up hand answered his question for him as his knuckles tapped on the metal. Only seconds passing, a tired but bright eyed Greg opened the doors, a small smile on his face as he saw his son's face.

"Hey, Steven, what brings you by?" Greg chirped. He studied Steven's face, then became concerned. "Are you okay? You look down, bud."

Steven shook his head, his gaze meeting with Greg's. "Can I talk to you, Dad?"

"Sure, son. Do the Gems know you're here?"

"They won't notice either way," Steven mumbled, climbing into the back of the van. Greg raised a brow in confusion, then lowered it as Steven settled down beside him.

"Alright, kid. What's goin' on?"

Steven leaned his head onto Greg's arm, sighing before he spoke. "Dad, Amethyst and Pearl have been missing mom lately. But they've been really... violent... about it."

Greg's heart started racing. His first thought: someone's harmed. "Is someone hurt?" Greg slightly bent down to Steven's level, his eyes wide. "Are _you_ hurt?"

"I'm not hurt, Dad, but Pearl is. Amethyst got so upset over Rose that when she and Pearl were practicing, Amethyst really hurt Pearl. And Pearl... Pearl's been trying to get into Lion's mane by finding a way to block his sonic roar, and she's been trying to hurt him, too. What do I do about it?"

Greg went quiet for a moment. He knew the Gems frequently missed Rose, but he never heard of them getting violent while they sulked. He cleared his throat, wrapped his arm around Steven, and gave a small smile. "That's the first I've heard of them doing that. If they hold in their feelings for too long, they're gonna do things they wouldn't usually do. They'll probably stop soon if they're letting it out now."

"How do I make them talk to me?" Steven questioned, his voice strained. "How can I make it not happen again when they won't talk about it?"

"Sometimes, people don't wanna talk about it because they feel weird about saying it out loud or feel like they're being too sensitive. You can't make someone tell you, Steven, they gotta want to tell you. You can give them a little push, but you can't force them to tell you. They gotta tell you when they wanna."

"Mm, maybe they'll start talking about their feelings soon. I don't want them hurting each other just because they won't get someone to help them."

"Sometimes people hurt the ones they care about without meaning to; sometimes it just happens. It happens to the best of us."

"I wish they would just talk about it."

"Just keep this in mind, kiddo: if every pork chop were perfect-"

Steven smiled a bit, holding onto Greg's hand. "We wouldn't have hot dogs."

"Thatta boy."

They both stared out into the sky in a comfortable silence. Steven's chest felt lighter than before; he could always count on his dad to make him feel better, even by a little bit. But his mind was still boggling over the conflicts at home. Would it get any better soon? Before he could get too caught up in his thoughts, his phone vibrated. He slid it out of his pocket and saw that it was a text message from Connie.

* * *

_"Hey, you okay? Just checking up on you."_

_"Yeah,"_  he typed out at first. He thought on it and deleted it, then typed in, " _Not really.."_

_"I'm sorry. Hope things get better. I'll check on you tomorrow."_

_"Thanks for understanding, Connie."_

_"No problem."_

* * *

Not wanting to burden his dad anymore, Steven sat up straight. Greg slithered his arm away from Steven, watching him hop out of the car. Greg stepped down and scooped up Steven in his embrace, taking Steven by surprise. Steven then quickly wrapped his arms around Greg, using all his might to hug his dad. Steven didn't know he needed a hug, and he was glad Greg hugged him out of the blue. Steven had his face laid onto Greg's shoulder, a wide grin on his face.

"I love you, Shtu."

"I love you too, Dad."

Greg released his grasp a bit but stiffened when Steven clutched onto him tightly. Greg chuckled softly and embraced Steven fully again, waiting for Steven to let go instead. He didn't know if Steven was doing it just because he wanted to or because he needed to. Either way, Greg was glad knowing he was making Steven a bit happy in a small action. He wasn't perfect, but as long as Steven loved him, he felt like he could be.

* * *

Some time passed and Steven's grip eventually loosened. Greg pulled his head back a bit to look at Steven, his mouth agape for a moment before he saw Steven sleeping on him. Steven hadn't fell asleep on him in a long while, not since he was a tike. Greg considered putting Steven in the front seat of his van and driving him to the beach house, but he didn't want to let go of Steven.

He closed the van doors with his feet, locked it, then started walking into Beach City in the direction of the beach house. Passerby's smiled in awe as Greg walked by with a sleeping Steven in his arms, and Greg became a bit bashful, but he enjoyed it. He took his time to ensure that he wouldn't wake Steven. It seemed Steven had a rough day, and it was only the evening. Eventually he reached the beach and started to trot slowly. He slowly walked up the stairs, opened the screen door, climbed up the stairs, slid Steven onto his bed, and pulled the covers over him. Greg smiled sweetly but softly down at Steven, patting his hair before he started to head out. He looked around and noticed that the Gems weren't in sight. He found it a bit odd but thought nothing more of it. Looking at Steven one last time, Greg swung open the door and happily started walking back to his van.


	7. Split Up Gems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

_Steven found himself in the bright room again. All his luxuries, his pleasures- it was all there, just like before. Steven spun around, feeling a bit anxious to start walking. He gulped and started walking, getting a cold sweat as the pleasant, warm colors started to fade just like before, but this time, it faded a different way. The colors melted downward, as if the colors were wet paint dripping down off of a canvas. The gray started to slowly settle in, and he jumped. He turned around, wanting to go back to the colorful part of the dream. As he went in the direction he came from, he bumped into something, but nothing was there. It was if he bumped into the end of a screen, or was being pushed to go forward like in video games. He tried with all his strength to push against it, but it was hopeless. He was going to have to face the darkness once again. He breathed heavily as the black settled in and started floating. He whimpered, waiting for Pearl to reappear. But it wasn't Pearl, it was Amethyst._

_Steven hesitated before speaking. "Amethyst?"_

_"Hey, kid!"_

_Relief waved over him. "Oh, Amethyst, I-"_

_"Kid, get outta here! You don't deserve to be here; you're no Rose. We want Rose, we want Rose! What use are you to us? You're just getting in our way!" Amethyst's eyes narrowed, her lips snarled up a bit as well. Steven shook, his eyes widened. His eyes were glazed; he'd never expect to hear this from Amethyst. He was about to speak when she let out a snicker that boomed around him. She growled under her breath, and her hair became curled just like Rose's used to curled like. "Why don't you just get lost?! Who needs ya, huh? **Who needs ya?!** "_

* * *

Shooting up quickly and gasping for air, Steven escaped his dream before he could hear any more neglectful things from dream Amethyst. He didn't hesitate to climb out of bed; he looked at it with complete horror in his eyes. He jogged down the stairs, heavily breathing, heading for the sink to get a glass of water. Steven looked out the screen door and noticed the orange-pinkish sky, a bit surprised it was still light out. He thought back to earlier before he slept, remembering he was hugging Greg. His cheeks became a light shade of crimson as he saw his last memory being his eyes slowly closing while hugging Greg. His little happy moment quickly faded away when he heard a distant groan coming from one of the Gems' rooms. He jumped at the sound, his heart racing. Getting a slight grip on himself, he slowly tiptoed towards the Gem portal, awaiting for the sound.

Hearing it from the left, he gulped before continuing to walk over to the door. He stopped when he reached just an inch away from the door. He took in a deep breath, leaned against the door, his ear pressed onto it, and waited to hear what was going on. It was pure silence for a while, and Steven was ready to walk away, but the sound of distant grumbling and soft whining brought back his attention. He held in his breath, trying to make out the mumbling on the other side of the door.

"...don't say that," were the first words Steven could make out. He continued to listen.

* * *

"I can't help it! We can handle a lot of stuff, but this has us reeling back! Do you even know if we can handle this? Can your future vision tell you that?"

Steven gasped very softly, his eyes getting a bit wet. _Garnet._

"Ruby, calm down-"

"N-no! I-I can't!" He heard two hard thumps! on the floor, and his eyes felt as if they sunk. _Ruby. Sapphire. They separated._

"This is all temporary, Ruby. We can figure this out- we just have to-"

"What? We just have to do what? You can't tell me I'm the only one that froze when Amethyst told us what was wrong!" Ruby walked up to Sapphire, her face leaning closely to Sapphire's, her gaze hard and steady. "Don't lie to me, Sapphire."

Sapphire hesitated before speaking. "All is resolved in the future, Ruby-"

"Ugh!" Ruby groaned, tugging her hair from both ends. She started to pace around the room, her footsteps heavy against the floorboards. "Stop telling me about the future! Seeing the future isn't gonna help us with this situation, Sapphire. We need to figure out what to do!"

"Okay, okay, Ruby, just please, calm down." Sapphire's voice cracked a bit. Averting Ruby's attention back to her, Sapphire sighed. "I don't like when you get this angry."

"I can't help it. Rose would know what to do in something like this." Ruby crossed her arms over her chest, flickering her gaze down to her tapping foot.

"Rose isn't here, so we're the only ones who can do something," Sapphire replied.

"Don't you think I know that?" Ruby hissed. "We're not as wise as Rose was, that's my point! How can we figure this out if the one person who could solve everything is gone?!"

"We could-"

"Not solve this as easy as Rose could," Ruby interrupted her. "We need her more than ever."

"She can't come back, Ruby. We need to deal with this ourselves."

"Ugh, I know, I know. We always have to be the _bigger gem_ ," Ruby said with obvious disdain in her voice. "We always have to be the ones to fix everything."

Sapphire sighed once again. "Then let's get to it," Sapphire replied, exhaustion lingering in her words. "Let's try to fix this."

* * *

Steven ran away from the door, his eyes now like a pool. His chin quivered as he climbed up the steps and jumped flat onto his bed, wrapping his arms around a pillow and bringing it to his face. His face buried into the pillow, Steven didn't hesitate to let out his whimpers and his choked sounds of sobbing- no one would hear him anyways. Eventually Steven raised his head to catch a breather, and his eyes were bright pink and puffy. He stopped his sounds of woe when he heard footsteps from the room- only one pair of footsteps. Steven quickly turned on his side facing the wall and stayed still, trying to play out as if he was sleeping.

The door slid open, and Garnet stepped out as a whole. Steven stirred only a bit to make it seem like he was positioning himself more comfortably for better sleep. Garnet laid her eyes on Steven and smiled a bit sadly, going up the steps. Steven quickly closed his eyes and forced himself to look relaxed as Garnet patted his hair, leaning down to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Don't you worry, Steven. Things around here are gonna get better soon," Garnet softly cooed in Steven's ear. "The last thing we want is for you to be upset."

Steven didn't dare to move until he was sure that Garnet wasn't around to see him sit up. He laid his hands flat on the bed as he looked down at his feet as he moved them side to side. He sighed softly and soon after let himself fall on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"It's too late for that," Steven mumbled to himself. The exhaustion and dread of the day caught up to him, and he fell asleep. Now he knew whether he was awake or asleep, there was no happy place for him to go to. He was on his own.


	8. New Safe Haven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Trying every comfortable position possible before he would accept it, Steven desperately tried to go back to sleep just to avoid contact with anybody. He didn't want to put on an act, he didn't have the energy to do it, nor the motivation. His many attempts failing, Steven let out a frustrated sigh, finally opening his eyes. He flickered his eyes to his phone to see the time.

_7:09 AM._

_'It's that early? Why am I awake?'_ Steven wondered to himself, a bit annoyed. ' _Oh yeah. I slept for the other half of the day yesterday.'_

Steven rolled to the edge of the bed, setting his feet flat out on the floor, adjusting to the coolness of the surface. He then trudged down the stairs, a blanket clutched in his hands, his eyes narrowed. He pulled the blanket from one of his shoulders, around his back, and tugged the corner of the blanket at the other bend of his shoulder, tugging at it from the center of his chest. He was cold. It was very cold. Steven smelled something- he smelled water. He couldn't quite tell where it was coming from. A sound of thunder rolled over the beach house, and Steven's suspicions subsided.

 _'Rain.'_ Steven let out wry laugh. ' _How fitting.'_

Continuing his footsteps, Steven walked into his bathroom, getting ready for the day. He didn't even know if anything eventful would actually happen during the day, but it was always a good mindset to prepare anyways, no matter what doubts there were. He then decided to shower. Turning the water on to the warm setting, he quickly flinched away into the wall as the shower head started pouring down water. He slowly reached his hand out to feel the water. It was warm, but it wasn't warm enough for him; it felt cold. He turned the heat up a notch and let out a little 'ahh' as the hot water started to come down.

He stood there for a couple of minutes, just letting the water cascade down his body. Something inside him felt empty. He wanted to apply all that he needed to be clean but he just couldn't- something was pulling him back; something was wanting him to stay in the shower for as long as the hot water would last. He found himself slowly starting to sit down on the bottom of the tub. He lifted his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, rested his chin atop of them, and let the water just keep pouring down on him. Something about that moment just made him feel fine. Not happy, not good, but fine.

When the water became lukewarm, Steven's little satisfied moment faded. He sighed, a bit disappointed it hadn't lasted longer. He slowly rose to his feet and applied shampoo, conditioner and body wash, scrubbing all of each quickly before the cold water could set in. He quickly turned the water off before the cold water could hit his skin, a relieved look on his face. He reached his arm out for a towel, wrapped it around himself, got out, grabbed his clothes, and left the steamy bathroom. He looked around and saw that he was still the only one awake, which put him at ease. He really did not feel like being social.

* * *

After some hours of doing absolutely nothing around the house except pacing and eating only one meal, a Crystal Gem finally appeared. Steven was outside on the balcony, leaning against the wooden and damp railing, just looking out at the ocean and the sun high in the sky. Light footsteps were approaching Steven. He knew who was approaching him.

"Hello, Steven," Pearl greeted as she stepped outside. "Enjoying the day?"

"Sure," Steven replied simply.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Seven."

"Oh-! That's quite an early time for you, don't you think?" Pearl let out a soft chuckle.

"Heh, yeah," Steven replied, giving Pearl his best attempt at a warm smile. He knew giving simple responses wasn't going to help with his act. He turned to face her better and looked up. "How did you sleep?"

"Steven, you know I don't sleep, you kidder," Pearl smiled. "I was mostly practicing my sword fighting skills. Did I wake you?"

"No, I slept fine," Steven replied. His throat itched a bit as his lie slipped through. He knew he was going to have to adjust to it. "Is everything okay between you and Amethyst now?"

The question took Pearl by surprise. She hesitated before speaking. "Well, we haven't really figured out everything yet. But I'm sure we will soon. Don't worry about it, Steven."

Steven only nodded in response. There was a silence thereafter. Pearl was usually comfortable with silence, but something about this particular silence felt a bit off. She sensed some negative energy, but she shook it off. She thought it was just herself overthinking about whether she woke Steven in the middle of the night or not. Then she remembered that neither her or the Gems had really checked on Steven during dawn-time.

"Steven, are you upset with us?"

Steven's heart started racing. _Oh no, she didn't buy it._ Nonetheless, he kept his cool and looked at Pearl, giving her a confused look. "What?"

"It's just that- well- we didn't check on you as much as we should have yesterday. I can't help but to think this has upset you somehow; perhaps you think we weren't concerned for you yesterday?"

"No, I know you guys are busy doing missions and stuff. I know you leave me at home so that I can be safe. I know you'll do anything to get what you want." Pearl became anxious as the last sentence slipped out of Steven's mouth. "I know you're just lookin' out for yourself and for us."

"That's right," Pearl nodded, wanting to end the conversation before her thoughts could become true. "I'll go see what's keeping Garnet and Amethyst. Would you like to eat anything? I'll make something for you."

"I'm only a little hungry. I ate earlier. I think a bagel will be okay."

"Okay, I'll come out with it when it's done."

"Thanks, Pearl."

* * *

Still in the same spot he was in before, Steven heard distinct conversations from inside the beach house. Based on the bickering, he knew Amethyst had just woken up. Amethyst came out to join Steven as she stretched her arms up, letting out a big yawn. She turned against the railing, resting her shoulders onto it and looking at Steven.

"Whaddup, Steven?"

"Nothing much, just looking."

"At what?"

"Nothing."

"Uh, okay..." Amethyst trailed off. She rubbed the back of her neck. "Are you... mad... at us?"

"No? Why would I be?"

"I dunno. I know you hate when we fight a lot. We don't want ya upset or anything."

"Are you gonna talk about it at least?" Steven asked. "With anyone, I mean. Are you gonna try to fix things?"

Amethyst crinkled her nose, her face feeling hot. "I-I don't have to fix anything! There's nothing to fix."

"Why do you say that? You can't fix it?"

"No, I-we can't. It is what it is." Amethyst lowered her head, mumbling lowly to herself, "There's no bringing her back. We're stuck with how it is."

Despite her very soft comment, Steven managed to make out her mumble, and his heart sank. He sucked in a breath through his nose and stood up straight, pushing himself away from the railing. Steven turned his back to Amethyst just a bit to wipe the single tear trailing down his cheek away, then turned towards the stairs. Amethyst stood up straight, raising an eyebrow.

"Where ya goin', Steven?" Amethyst asked, toying with her fingers anxiously, hoping her mumble was low enough not to be heard.

Steven's mind was urging him to get away from the beach house; to run away from the negativity. But he turned to the door instead. "I'm gonna take a shower. I've been walking a lot, and the dirt is kinda bothering me now." Steven let out a sheepish laugh to keep Amethyst's suspicions at bay, if she had any.

Amethyst smiled with relief. Good- he didn't hear me, Amethyst thought to herself. "Alright, nerd. Can't handle a bit of dust, huh? Then what can you handle?" Amethyst joked, turning her back to Steven, laughing to herself.

Steven replied with a weak laugh, his eyes getting wet again. Without the intention of doing so, Steven took it to heart, blinking away the tears in his eyes as he went inside the beach house. Her comment made him think back to his nightmare of her. He slumped down, looking at the ground. Walking quickly past Garnet and Pearl, whom were sitting on the couch, he shut the door as he went into the bathroom to shower once again. He was glad he woke up so early that no one saw him shower- he'd be scolded if they knew he had showered earlier on in the day and would shower once again. He wanted to avoid being lectured for a petty thing when he was swelling with so many negative thoughts and emotions. He turned on the hot water, sat down, and let the water ease his tension.

* * *

After dressing, Steven stepped out of the bathroom, drying his hair as best as he could with his towel. He looked up and saw Pearl and Garnet looking at him, and he gave a little smile. "What's up, guys?"

"Steven, we need to talk," Garnet said, patting the spot next to her on the couch.

Steven gulped. "Okay... what about?" He joined her and Pearl on the couch, feeling nervous.

"Steven," Garnet laid her hand on his knee, looking at him. "Are you okay?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" _'Just keep up the act. Maybe they don't know.'_

"We want to know if you're okay," Pearl said, her gaze on Steven. "We don't want our argument with Amethyst getting in the way of your good time."

"So, Steven." Garnet took off her shades, looking at Steven with concerned eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Uhm, well, I'm not happy that you guys are fighting, but I know you'll get through it. You guys always do. You'll find a way."

Garnet smiled, relief washing over her. "Good. We don't want our favorite person to be sad." She tipped Steven's face up with her finger, booping his nose.

Steven reached out for her shades and put them on himself, puffing out his chest and putting his hands at his sides to look cool. Garnet chuckled with flattery, lifting Steven up by his arms. Pearl smiled, amused and relieved that Steven had claimed to be okay despite what was going on. Steven chuckled, forgetting about his problems for a moment. Then he stared into Ruby and Sapphire's eyes, and his recollection of last night flashed in his mind. He then subtly smiled, glad that Garnet couldn't see his eyes from behind her shades.

"Hey. How about we go have some fun in the water, hm?" Garnet suggested.

"Sorry, I made plans to hang out with Connie. Maybe tomorrow?"

Garnet nodded. "Okay, champ. You go have fun. We'll try to fix things."

"Okay." Steven made sure his sad eyes were away before he handed Garnet her shades back. Garnet set him down as she put on her shades. Pearl patted Steven's shoulder and got up from the couch.

"Don't come home very late, okay?" Pearl said. "We'll be waiting for you."

"Mhm," Steven replied, nodding his head. He gave Pearl a quick hug and hopped down from the couch, quickly pulling out his phone and texting Connie.

_"Hey. You wanna hang out?"_

_"Are you sure you're up for it? Remember, we don't have to if you don't feel like it."_

_"I feel like it. Besides, I miss you! Let's meet at the beach?"_

_"I miss you too! Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."_

_"See you then!"_

* * *

Connie waited for Steven at the beach, taking her shoes off and stepping into the water. Steven looked out the screen door and saw Connie outside, and he immediately ran outside the door. "Connie! Hi!" Steven cried out as he rushed down the stairs.

"Hey!" Connie waved. "Come on! We don't have all day!"

"Okay!" Steven finally joined her at her side, taking off his sandals. "Sorry I texted you so late. Did you get in trouble?"

"Well, they asked why you wanted to hang out so late, and I said it was better than not hanging out at all, so they let me come. But since it's almost night time, they said they'd drive around town until they wanted to pick me up."

"Oh, nice!" Steven went further into the water, grabbing a cupful of water in his hands and throwing it Connie's way. It splashed on her torso and she giggled, turning away.

"Hey!" She bent down and rested her arm on top of the water, turning around in a circle as fast as she could. The water from under her arm splashed up and onto Steven's face. The salty water slowly getting sticky on his face, Steven kicked water onto Connie, laughing as she did the same. Minutes passed and they were drenched with salt water. The sun was starting to set, and Steven called for a truce. They shook on it and stepped out of the water, sitting on the sand. Connie was squishing the water out of her hair as best as she could, pulling it up into a messy bun right after.

"So, how have you been holding up?" Connie asked. "Are things okay?"

"Oh, well... Amethyst and Pearl are in another argument and Garnet's trying to fix things, but it hasn't gone so well so far. But, they're trying."

"Well, as long as they're trying. And how are you taking it?"

"I don't like it when they fight, but they always fix it somehow. They'll do it again."

"That's the spirit," Connie said, giving Steven a soft smile. "Just remember that you don't have to be afraid to talk about it if you need to. I'm here for you."

"I know," Steven smiled. "Thanks for sticking by my side. Next time we hang out, I'll make you a s'more, okay?"

"That sounds nice! I could really use some right now. How about I bring the stuff to make it and you make the s'mores? You're good at cooking."

"Awh," Steven chuckled. "Okay, sure, sounds like a plan!" Steven jumped when he heard a car horn, turning to see Connie's parents waiting. "I'll walk you to your car. I don't want you getting in trouble for being wet."

"That's okay, Steven, you don't have to-"

"I owe it to you. Let me do this."

Connie smiled a bit, nodding in agreement. "Okay."

After explaining why Connie was wet and saying good-bye to her, Steven started walking towards the beach house, starting to feel that coldness and emptiness he felt when he walked towards it the other day. The only thing that kept him walking towards it was that he knew he was going to be told to take a shower. Walking up the steps, he heard the Gems arguing again. He stopped where he was and waited to hear for the arguing to simmer down enough for him to walk in without interrupting what could be the solution to the problem.

* * *

"Amethyst, you need to apologize to Pearl," Garnet said. "Just because you're upset doesn't make it okay for what you did to her."

"Mm... okay..." Amethyst replied. She walked up to Pearl, looked her in the eye, crossed her arms over her chest, and blew out a breath. "I'm... I'm sorry," Amethyst grumbled.

Pearl wanted to make a smug remark, but she stopped before she could, knowing it wouldn't do her much good. "As long as you mean it, I suppose I can look past this."

"I really didn't mean to, P," Amethyst explained. "You know my anger just really gets to me sometimes. I didn't mean to hurt ya so bad."

"Well," Pearl chuckled. "I wasn't so gravely injured, but, I know now that you meant no harm."

Amethyst let out a sheepish smile. She looked over at Garnet, whose expression hadn't changed at all. "What?"

"We need to figure out a way for you to control your anger. We can't let this happen again. What if you take your anger out on Steven one day?"

"I'd never do that! I might let my anger get the best of me sometimes, but I know not to do that to Steven! I'm not stupid, Garnet, okay?!"

"I never said-"

"Forget it; I said I was sorry, I meant it, now we can call it. Everything's fine."

"Amethyst, this is not-"

"I don't care, I'm tired. You can sass at me tomorrow or whatever. Night."

Garnet clenched her hands into fists, wanting to try to resolve everything, but she knew when Amethyst was finished, she was finished. Pearl took a seat on the couch, not daring to look at Garnet. Steven sucked in his breath and finally stepped inside, the salt starting to bother him. Garnet and Pearl both looked at him, their nerves fading away. Amethyst looked back too, seeing Steven with salt and sand gleaming on his skin. She waved at him before she stepped into her room, secluding herself for the rest of the night.

"Have fun, Steven?" Pearl asked.

"Yeah. Connie and I splashed water at each other." Garnet raised her hand and placed it on her hip. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, giving Garnet a sorrowful look. "Sorry, Garnet. I didn't know we would go in the water."

"Hm. That's okay, Steven. You two always do something random before you can plan what to do. It's good that you had fun."

"Yes, fun is good and all, but Steven, I advise that you go clean yourself off. You don't want to go to sleep sticky and finding sand in random parts of your body."

"Haha, okay," Steven laughed. ' _Yes!'_ "Are you sure you're okay with me showering again?"

"Definitely. Go shower, you goofball," Garnet urged, giving him a smile. Steven nodded, rushing to the bathroom, smiling as he shut the door to his new safe haven.

* * *

_**[A/N: I was going to add more, but I felt that I should make the next part a chapter itself. Before you read the next chapter, I advise a trigger warning.]** _


	9. Slumber Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts
> 
> **I advise a trigger warning for this chapter**

"Steven, what are you doing in there?" No reply. "Steven?" Garnet kept knocking on the door, waiting for an answer form Steven. He had locked the door. He hadn't come out of the bathroom for almost an hour. Pearl joined Garnet's side, seeing that Steven hadn't come out yet. "Steven, open the door."

"What's going on?" Pearl asked.

"Steven was showering, and he hasn't come out since."

"Let me try." Pearl tapped on the door rather harshly. "Steven, open the door. You've been in there long enough." With no response, Pearl became nervous and worried. "Steven?"

"That's it, I'm breaking down the door!" Garnet growled, her gauntlets appearing on her hands.

"Garnet-!"

With just one swing, the door flew down, its hinges shattering and clinking to the ground. Garnet's gauntlets disappeared as she scanned the room. Pearl ran in after her. Pearl's eyes landed on a hand that was out of the tub. The curtain was still drawn in front of the tub. Pearl's eyes went wide, and she rushed to the tub. She quickly tore down the curtains, gasping loudly as she saw Steven. The shower head was still on, and the water was still raining down on him.

Steven was laying down in the tub, and his feet had covered the drain, so the water had started to fill the tub. It was nearly to his mouth.

Pearl quickly turned off the ice cold water, looking down at Steven. Garnet went over to the tub and her heart immediately lurched. Pearl grabbed a towel as Garnet lifted up Steven. Pearl wrapped the towel around him. Garnet carried him in her arms and rushed out of the bathroom and immediately made a b-line for his bed. Pearl only stood in the bathroom, clutching on tightly to her stomach as she could barely breathe.

"Steven! Steven, wake up!" Garnet urged loudly, shaking Steven's wet body. "Steven!" Garnet griped her hand on Steven's quite firmly, her breath shaky.

"N-not so violent, Garnet!" Pearl cried out, trying to restrain her. "You might damage him!"

"He needs to wake-!" One of Steven's fingers suddenly shifted in Garnet's palm. It was a very weak movement but it lifted Garnet's spirits. "Steven?" Garnet whispered. "Steven, can you hear me?"

Steven let out a weak breath, stirring oh so slightly. Pearl let out a soft, happy sound, laying her hand on Steven's cheek. She quickly went to fetch some towels and threw them in the dryer, returning to Steven's bedside. Hearing all the commotion outside of her room, Amethyst grumbled and came out of her room, wanting to know what was interrupting her sleep. Once she saw Garnet and Pearl gathered around Steven's bed, she dropped her blanket and rushed to join them.

"What happened to Steven?" Amethyst asked, bending down to take a good look at him.

"I-" A ding came from the dryer, and Pearl left before she could answer Amethyst's question. Pearl came back with very hot towels in her arms and placed them over Steven, letting out a little smile when Steven let out a little 'ahh' right after.

"Steven?" Amethyst whispered very lightly. "Hey, wake up. Please, wake up."

"Mm... so warm..." Steven mumbled in response. Garnet and Pearl gasped a bit.

"Amethyst, keep talking to him!" Garnet pressed on.

"Okay. Uh, hey, I gotta show ya somethin'. But I can only show ya if you wake up."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you," Amethyst chuckled sadly. "You gotta wake up."

"...wake...up..."

"Yeah, wake up."

Steven slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light. His vision was a bit blurry at first, but then he saw the Gems' faces. He let out a sleepy smile. "Hi, guyyys!" Steven whispered. "What's up?"

"Are you feeling okay?" Pearl asked, trying to hold back her tears.

"I feel... warm," Steven replied. He looked up at Pearl's eyes, seeing that they were glazed. He slowly raised his arm up and laid his hand on her cheek. "Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"Not anymore," Pearl breathed out with a little smile. She grabbed onto Steven's hand, which was still raisin-feeling and damp from the water. A tear trailed down Pearl's cheek, and Steven wiped it away with his thumb. Pearl smiled once again and closed her eyes, her breathing starting to ease. Steven looked from Garnet, who was giving him a little sad smile, to Amethyst, whose face showed relief.

"What time is it?" Steven asked suddenly.

"It's definitely bed time," Garnet replied. "And I'm not leaving your side tonight."

Steven let out a happy gasp, and his eyes turned into stars. "Slumber party?"

Garnet nodded. "Slumber party."

"I'll join," Pearl quickly added.

"Count me in," Amethyst added, ruffling Steven's hair.

"Slumber party!" Steven chirped as the Gems set out a blanket and a pillow for him on the floor.

* * *

After an hour had passed and Steven was up and at it, a sinking feeling came to his stomach. He remembered that he had fell asleep while he was sitting in the tub. Knowing that the Gems had found him made him feel extremely guilty. It was never his intent- none of it was. He was grubbing on some snacks at the little island in the kitchen area while the Gems were huddled on the blanket on his floor. He looked at his plate the entire time. Every time he looked at one of them, he felt instant regret. After he got full, he joined the Gems on his blanketed floor.

"Do you guys wanna watch Crying Breakfast Friends with me?" Steven asked. "Well, never mind, I know you guys don't really like it. We don't have to watch it-"

"No, let's go ahead and watch it," Garnet interrupted.

"Yeah! Besides, I wanna know what happened in the last one," Amethyst butted in. Amethyst nudged Pearl with her elbow.

"Oh-! Yes, let's see what happens."

"Okay, lemme go brush my teeth, then," Steven said, getting up and going down the steps once again. The Gems all quickly looked at each other nervously. Garnet quickly went after him, a bit paranoid.

"Hold up, Steven," Garnet said. "I'll go ahead and brush mine, too."

"Okay," Steven said. They both stepped into the bathroom, and Steven brushed his teeth first. He noticed Garnet was watching him, and he became a bit nervous. After he finished brushing, he grabbed a rag and wiped his face, then polished his gem. He looked down at it and smiled before looking back up. "Your turn!"

"Alright," Garnet chuckled, proceeding to do so. Listening to the water from the sink, Steven suddenly felt like using the toilet. He bent down a bit and hopped around, trying to hold it in.

"Garnet, I really gotta use the bathroom!" Steven whined, his potty-dance not working out for him.

Garnet gulped a bit, not moving from her spot. "Right now?"

"Kinda- yes!"

"Mm, alright. I'll be outside the door waiting for you then."

"Uhm, okay," Steven said as Garnet walked out, closing the door behind her. He rushed to sit on the toilet, and let out a long 'ahh,' a pleased smile on his face. Garnet tapped at the door just a minute after. "Uh, yeah?"

"You doing okay in there?"

"Yeah..." Steven said, feeling a bit awkward. "I'm almost done..." Steven finished up and flushed the toilet, hopped down, set down the seat, washed his hands, and went out the door. "Oops, the light!" Steven turned it off, walking back up to the blanketed floor with Garnet trailing behind him. "Okay, let's watch some Crying Breakfast Friends!"

* * *

Eventually Amethyst fell asleep from being bored by the show, and surprisingly so did Pearl. It was only Garnet and Steven who remained awake. Lion at one point had strolled in and slept on Steven's bed, which Steven didn't mind. Steven had leaned against Garnet's side, and he was starting to grow tired. It was a bit late, past midnight. He was about to let his eyes flutter shut when Garnet stiffened up.

"Steven, what do you remember before you woke up?" Garnet asked.

"Uhm... I was hanging out with Connie..." Steven replied. "I went to go shower."

"Is that it?"

"Well..." Steven hesitated. "I was taking a shower 'cause you and Pearl said I should, and I sat in the tub. I think waking up really early and playing in the ocean got to me and... well... I leaned against the wall and fell asleep."

Garnet inhaled a deep breath. Steven sat up straight and looked up at her. "Steven, I wish you would have used better judgement than to rather sleep in the tub."

Steven felt his eyes get a bit wet. "I didn't mean to-"

"We found you laying in the tub and the water was filling up. The water was only an inch away from reaching your mouth. You frightened us."

Steven sniffled. "I-"

"Now you know better, and now we're going to have to keep an eye on you. We can't let this happen again."

"It won't, Garnet, I-"

"We don't know that. Until we feel that you learn for the better, we're going to have to be inside the bathroom with you or have to wait on you from outside the door. We can't let you in there by yourself by your own decision."

Steven looked down at his feet, his tears trailing down his face. "I'm sorry," he replied, his voice weary. "I didn't mean to."

Garnet settled on her back, propping a pillow under her head. "I know. Good night, Steven."

Steven shifted away from Garnet a bit. "Night," he mumbled.

* * *

After a couple of minutes passed by, Steven got up and climbed onto his bed, snuggling with Lion. He roughly wiped away what tears threatened to trail out of his eyes and buried his face in Lion's mane, wanting to see Rose's secret place before he slept. He quickly jerked his head back and gasped for a breath, looking down at his gem.

"What am I doing so wrong to make all of this happen to me, Mom?" Steven whispered down to his gem. "Why am I feeling this sad in like, only a week?" Getting no reply, Steven pulled down his shirt to cover his gem, shutting his eyes tightly, just wanting to get the day over with.

Before he fell asleep, he thought to himself, ' _What a slumber party.'_


	10. Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

_Steven found himself in the room again. He sat down in the room full of his treasured wonders and people, not bothering to travel to the dark room. He brought his knees up to his chest and looked around the room. He reached out for his ukulele, wincing as it poofed away. He stood up and went about the room, touching everything and watching it all poof away by the touch of his hands. He stopped when he reached the Gems. He reached out and stopped himself. He sat back down._

_"I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this," Steven repeated, gazing up at the Gems. "This isn't real."_

* * *

Refusing to go to the dark room, Steven eventually woke up. He blinked his eyes a few times before opening them fully. He looked down at the foot of his bed and saw that the Gems were still sleeping, and that it was still dark out. He slowly crawled out of the bed only to have Lion put his paw in front of Steven, stopping him. Steven glanced at Lion, whose eyes were still closed, but his upper lip was a bit snarled.

"I'm not going in the bathroom," Steven whispered to Lion. "I dunno if you understand that, but I'm not gonna try to get in trouble."

Lion's ears perked up and he set down his paw, letting Steven go. Steven softly sighed, tiptoeing down the stairs. Steven sat on the couch, not knowing what to do. If he went to sleep, he'd probably end up awake again sooner or later. Yet there was nothing to do at night. If he went out, he'd get caught eventually. Besides, no one was really up at night. Except...

Steven pulled out his phone, dialing the one number that crossed his mind. The dial tone trilled for a minute, and Steven's hopes fluttered away.

_"Hey, this is Jenny! Leave a message!"_

"Uh, hey, Jenny. Sorry for calling you so late. I thought you'd be awake but, I guess you're not. Uh, so yeah, ehehe, byeeeee."

Steven sighed, lightly drumming his fingers on his gem. ' _Man, I wish I could go somewhere alone where I can't get in trouble_.' Right after, Steven's gem began to glow, and Rose's room opened for him. He looked behind him, not wanting the Gems to see the room open. He tread quickly and dashed into the pink room.

* * *

The tiny floating whale appeared, flying around his head. Steven let out a light chuckle, watching as it floated in the air. Now that Steven was in the room that grants his wants, his mind went blank.

"Uhm, room," Steven cleared his throat, making it firm. "I want a ball pit!"

The odd request was granted. A ball pit appeared in front of Steven and he immediately leaped for it. He sank into the pit, seeing colors of green, red, blue and yellow as he went down. He grabbed some in his hands and threw them in the air. He giggled as they bounced around and poofed away.

"Room, I want an ice cream sandwich."

Poof. One appeared in his hand. He opened the paper wrapping and opened his mouth, biting into air. When he felt nothing go in his mouth, he looked down and frowned a bit.

"Oh, yeah, it's not really there, so I can't eat it." Steven tossed it on the ground, kicking the clouds that rose as it poofed away. Steven pulled on the collar of his shirt, nervous about what was on his mind. "Room, uhm... show me... my mom." Steven stood tall. "Room, I want you to show me Rose Quartz."

The room did nothing for a moment, but then a rush of wind blew past Steven. The wind became one with the pink clouds in the room, and combined, the two lifted off the ground, outlining Rose's body structure. It took a minute since Rose was tall, but when it finished, the pink clouds slowly drifted away. Steven waited for the clouds to fade away, anxious to see Rose with his very eyes. His eyes first gazed on Rose's white, long dress, with her gem inside the star print of her dress. The different shades of her dress was something Steven never noticed until this moment. His eyes fell on her long pink curls that draped over her shoulders so carelessly beautiful. Then... her eyes.

Steven's eyes had stars in them, and his chest felt light. He took a little step forward. "Can you talk?" There was no response from her. "Room, I want her to say something she'd always say, or show me something she liked hearing."

Suddenly Greg popped up beside Rose. They were facing each other. They were holding hands.

"If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs," Greg said, a soft smile on his face. He brought his finger up to Rose's cheek. Rose chuckled, lifting her hand up to intertwine it with Greg's. Steven smiled sweetly, his eyes glazed at the moment his parents used to share.

Suddenly Steven heard someone outside the door, and Greg and Rose both poofed away. Steven gasped, reaching his hand out as if he could save them. His eyes watered more, and some tears went to the corners of his eyes. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, and his hands balled into fists. Steven turned swiftly as he heard distant voices from outside.

"...where could he be? Is he in the bathroom?"

"No, he's not in there."

"We have to find Steven!"

Steven sighed, sliding his hand down his face in frustration. He dragged his feet to the exit, dreading having to face them. If they were worried, he was bound to be scolded sooner or later. He just wanted to get it over with. The door to Rose's room opened, and he took a step out. The Gems swiftly turned around, and relief flooded them.

"Steven!" The three chirped.

"Is that where you've been?" Pearl asked, engulfing him in her embrace. "We were worried sick!"

"It hasn't been that long as you're implying," Steven replied flatly.

"When did you go in there?"

"Whenever I woke up, I think it was like, 6am or something."

"Well, it's about noon now."

"Only 6 hours, that's not-"

"You should have told one of us before you did, Steven," Garnet replied. "We're just glad you're okay."

Steven nodded, slowly wiggling out of Pearl's embrace. "I need to use the bathroom."

The three stiffened up. They all exchanged looks.

"I'll watch him," Amethyst volunteered, following Steven to the bathroom.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't wanna wait outside the door for me instead?" Steven asked, closing the door.

"Eh, I'll just look away, or go behind the curtain."

"Curtain sounds good." Steven waited for Amethyst to go behind the curtain and turn her back to him before proceeding to use the toilet. They were silent. Amethyst stared into the tub, and she tugged on the hem of her shirt.

"So... they told me what happened yesterday... why'd you do it?"

Steven became puzzled, and he became a bit defensive. "Do what?"

"You know... let the water almost go to your mouth."

Steven cleaned himself and pulled up his bottoms, flushed the toilet, and went to wash his hands. "Is that what they said?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's not what happened," Steven spat. "I told Garnet what happened. Did she not believe me?"

"Steven-"

"No!" Steven stormed out of the bathroom, and he went towards Rose's door. Garnet and Pearl were about to stop him when Steven turned to face them, a very angry expression on his face sent them reeling back a bit. "Garnet, I told you what happened. I fell asleep in the tub and that's what happened! I didn't lie to you if that's what you think! I didn't try to do anything, all I did was fall asleep on accident, and that is that!"

Garnet's mouth was a bit agape. She was shocked, and felt a bit bad. "Steven, I might have used poor judgement, but-"

"I'm going back in the room," Steven mumbled, not bothering to let her finish. He took a step in, ready to be closed away from them when his phone rang. He quickly answered it. "Hello?"

"Steven! You called? It was like, so early, so I was probably still sleeping when you called me. Sour Cream, Bucky and I were just about to head out. You still wanna come out and hang?"

Steven took a look back at the Gems, who were all staring at him. He was scanning their faces to see if he'd have to get permission to go out, especially after he just snapped at them. Garnet's face was blank, but she sensed Steven wanted to be anywhere but here, so she gave him a slight nod. She thought it was best if he went out to clear his head rather than be stuck and become more upset with them. Pearl looked at Garnet, then looked at Steven. Amethyst shrugged her shoulders at him.

"Yeah, I still wanna." He took his foot out of the room, watching the door close. "Lemme just freshen up, and I'll wait for you guys."


	11. What a Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Sitting on the balcony stairs outside, Steven awaited for Jenny, Buck and Sour Cream to arrive. Steven had his chin resting in his hands. It felt as if time couldn't go faster. He felt uneasy, knowing the Gems were talking amongst themselves about how to 'handle the situation.' He also knew at least one of them were watching him from somewhere inside the house. His guilt was blanketed by his anger. He told Garnet himself it was an accident and she decided to interpret it as something else. Now Garnet couldn't fully trust him to go into his own bathroom and was gonna keep a constant eye on him along with the Gems. He felt emotionally cornered.

It was the honk of Jenny's car that pulled Steven out of his thoughts. Time to put on a smile, Steven scolded himself. He started going down the stairs when he heard the screen door open, then shut. He looked up to see Garnet, who had his jacket in her hands.

"It's going to get a bit chilly later," Garnet said, reaching down to hand him his jacket. "Don't want you getting a cold."

"Thanks." Steven gave her a weak wave, then ran down the stairs, through the sand and into Jenny's car. The smell of pizza lifted his spirits a bit, and he shined a genuine smile. He crawled in the back with Buck, with Sour Cream in the passenger seat and Jenny in the driver's seat. Jenny turned and smiled at her small friend.

"Ready to go, Steven?"

Steven nodded, his seat belt buckle clicking. "Where are we going?"

"We're gonna cruise around town. Maybe we'll stop and get some food. Sound good, guys?"

They all agreed, and Jenny started to drive. She drove in the scarce part of Beach City with only the fields of grass as their surroundings. The teens started ranting as they drove through the rural road. Steven slid on his jacket as the crisp wind made contact with his skin, giving him goosebumps. Steven then listened to the rants filling the car.

"Man, my dad is getting so obsessed with this Mayor thing. I mean, he's already Mayor. What's the big deal? It's so weird."

"Psht, my sister still doesn't get that I'm the bad one!" Jenny complained. "I'm always going out, I don't like to work; how much more obvious can I make it?"

"Dudes, at least you can understand your family. Onion and my step dad are so hard to figure out."

When Steven didn't share his feelings, they all glanced at him. "What about you, Steven? Got something you wanna get off your chest, Universe?" Buck asked.

Steven shrugged. "C'mon, something's eating you up," Jenny replied to his shrug.

"It's not good to bottle things up, dude," Sour Cream added.

"Okay," Steven sighed. "Well, the Gems are fighting, and it's getting out of hand."

"What are they fighting about?" Jenny asked.

"They're all missing my mom right now, so they're sad, and Amethyst hurt Pearl really bad on accident, so they're kinda mad, too. And they're not talking about it, so it's making it all worse. I wanna help but when I try, it doesn't help." Steven looked down at his feet. "I don't know what to do."

"Sometimes, you just gotta let things happen. They're gonna have to figure it out by themselves if they won't let you help them. They're gonna probably wish they let you help them whenever they resolve it 'cause they'll feel so dumb, maybe."

Steven let out a dry laugh. "Hah, they barely ever feel dumb." Steven mumbled lowly to himself, "They make me feel dumb instead."

"Besides that, when they see how much earlier they could have fixed it. It'll be okay soon."

Steven looked up a bit and gave his friends a little smile. "Hopefully you're right."

* * *

The four stopped to get some snacks. They all hopped out and rummaged through the store, collecting their own things. Steven was in the middle of deciding between two different kind of drinks when his phone vibrated.

_Connie: "Hey, you okay?"_

Steven's fingers slid across his keypad swiftly. _"Yeah, I'm good. I'm with Sour Cream, Jenny and Buck."_

_"Oh, that's good."_

Steven re-read the text again. He felt a little wave of guilt. _"I'm sorry. I should have asked to hang out with you, or at least invited you. They would have been okay with it. Do you think your parents would let you come?"_

Connie didn't reply back for a couple of minutes. His nerves on edge, Steven slid his phone in his back pocket and selected the rest of the items he was striven to purchase. He approached the counter and felt his phone vibrate. He quickly pulled it out and read the message.

_"Sorry, I was asking my parents. It took some convincing, but they said it was okay. I'll just have to come back before it gets too late. I guess they're trying to be more lenient."_

Steven smiled at his screen a bit.

_"And don't worry. I want you to try to feel better in any way. Did you ask them if it was okay?"_

Steven's eyes widened. " _No... lemme ask."_

* * *

The four climbing in the car, Steven inhaled a deep breath and nervously asked. "IsitokayifmyfriendConniehangsoutwithusbecauseIfeelkindabadfornotinvitingher-"

"Woah, slow down," Jenny chuckled. "What'd ya say?"

Steven smiled sheepishly. "Is it okay if my friend Connie comes to hang out with us? I feel bad for not inviting her, and bad for not asking her if she wanted to hang out."

The three teens exchanged looks, and they all smiled. "Dude, it's totally cool if she hangs with us. Do we need to pick her up?"

Steven let out a giddy smile that made the three laugh lightly. Steven's smile never failed to get a smile outta them. "Yeah, I'll tell you where to go!" Steven texted Connie back: _'We're on our way!'_ "Wait, can I go back inside really quick to buy something she likes?"

"Sure, we'll wait on ya," Jenny nodded. "Hurry up, though!"

* * *

Pulling up in front of Connie's house, Steven excused himself as he hopped out of the car. He went up to the door and knocked on it, his hands behind his back and balancing on his heels as he waited. Connie's mother opened the door, and Steven instantly became nervous. He let out a big, nervous smile.

"Hey, Mrs. Maheswaran," Steven greeted with a shaky voice he attempted to keep in control. "How are you?"

"Hello, Steven. I'm doing fine; I was just called into an emergency, so I'm about to leave." As she slid on her jacket, she cleared her throat. "How are you doing?"

"Not great-" Steven instinctively replied. His feelings about home were returning, and he stuttered as Mrs. Maheswaren raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? Why is that?" Though she found Steven strange, she felt a bit concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Steven tried to lie, but she narrowed her eyes a bit, not buying it. "Well, there's just some drama at home. But it's okay. Really."

Deciding not to press further, she nodded. "Well, hopefully things get better at home for you, Steven. I've got to go. Please, be careful with my daughter. And don't bring her home late."

Steven nodded obediently. "Yes, ma'am, have a good day, ma'am." Connie suddenly popped in sight, and Steven's nerves went away. "Hi, Connie! Ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's do this," she smiled. "Bye, mom!"

"You know the rules," Mrs. Maheswaran said, bending down a bit to smooth out Connie's hair as a caring notion. "I'll try to get home before it get's late."

"Me too," Connie smiled. "Okay, Steven, I'm ready." She walked past her mom and went to Steven's side. The two kids playfully shoved each other before climbing into Jenny's car. Mrs. Maheswaran watched as they drove off before climbing in her own car and driving to the hospital.

* * *

"Here, I bought you a snack," Steven said, pulling out something from his bag from the store. "In case you get hungry."

"Oh, thanks, Steven!" Connie smiled. She looked up and examined the three teens in the car. "So, who is who, exactly?"

"I'm the one and only Jenny," Jenny said, giving her hair a little flip, smiling at Connie from the rear-view mirror. "This is Sour Cream in the passenger seat, and Buck is the one sitting with you guys in the back. He's the Mayor's son."

"Don't worry, I'm chill, you can act like yourself around me," Buck replied, easing some of Connie's nerves. "So, you're Steven's friend? That's cool. How'd you guys meet?"

"We met when he tried giving me back my glow-in-the-dark bracelet." Connie and Steven exchanged a look, and they both chuckled. "It was a crazy day, but it was incredible."

Steven smiled, remembering the first time he heard Connie say that very sentence when asked how their day went

"I liked his 'funky flow,' too." Steven's cheeks went a light shade of pink, which made Connie laugh. "So, what are we gonna do?"

"We're thinking of going up on the hill that gives you the whole view of Beach City. You okay with that?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice," Connie nodded.

Connie, Sour Cream, Buck and Jenny were all conversating and exchanging laughs with each other, which made Steven happy. All of his friends were getting along! He looked at all of them, smiling as they all looked so relaxed with each other, especially Connie! She looked so laid-back and more relaxed than she ever had been. Steven thought back to home, wishing this is how the Gems could be. _'They're probably all arguing at the temple again,'_ Steven thought to himself, his eyebrows furrowed. ' _Man, why can't they just talk it all out and just tell each other the real problem? Whatever. Hopefully Jenny is right.'_

* * *

"...Steven?"

Steven snapped his head up, a puzzled look on his face. "Huh?"

"We're here," Connie chuckled, climbing out after Buck. "You coming?"

"Oh, uh, maybe, I dunno. I got comfy," Steven chuckled.

"Isn't this where your mom would let the moss spring?" Connie asked, observing the hill. She looked back at Steven, whose head was looking down at his feet. The last thing he probably wanted to think about was his mom, which made Connie upset. Thinking about his mom would make him think about the troubles at home is what Connie suspected, and she was spot on. Steven was lost in his negative thoughts. Connie put one leg in the car and reached over for Steven, brushing her hand over his arm. Steven looked up, a lost look in his eyes. Connie gave him a sympathetic smile. "Come on. Maybe this will take your mind off of everything."

Not wanting to stop Connie from having a good time and not wanting Connie to worry about him more than she already has, Steven let his hand fall in hers. She grabbed it and helped him out of the car. Steven shut the door after himself and walked beside her to the other three, who were setting their jackets on the grass of the hill. The grass was covered in dew, so Steven grabbed Connie's jacket and set it out for her. Connie gave him a curtsy before sitting down. Steven set his out just a bit behind everyone. Jenny noticed this and whispered something among Sour Cream, Buck and Connie. They all lifted their jackets and made a circle, making sure Steven was in it. Steven smiled warmly.

"All right, you guys. We got food, we got the best seat in town; let's enjoy the night!" Jenny chirped. She set down the snacks she bought and started eating, and everyone soon after did the same. Steven remembered that Connie didn't have much to snack on, so he shared his pile with her. Jenny smiled, stopping mid-bite. "Hey, Connie?"

"Mhm?"

"We do this thing where we rant about what we're having problems about. You got anything you wanna get off your mind?"

Connie blushed, nervous. She never really talked about her feelings. "I dunno," Connie chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I haven't done that a lot."

"We don't judge if that's what you're worried about."

"Ah, well, my parents are kind of strict." Connie let out a laugh. "Okay, they're more than kind of strict. I know they care about me, but it can get a little frustrating sometimes."

"Tell me about it, girl!" Jenny replied. "You should meet my dad- wait, don't."

"When you're the Mayor's son, you live by rules. But I just wanna live how I wanna, y'kno?"

"My step-dad is tryna gimme rules, but he's like, never home. Why would I anyways?"

"Guys, look!" Connie pointed up to the sky, a shooting star reflecting in her eyes. "It's so pretty."

They all ah'd, watching as it shot out of their view. Then they all basked in the beauty of how the starry night sky looked from where they were. Jenny laid her hands in her jacket, Sour Cream and Buck laid on their stomachs with their jackets under them, Connie had her head tilted up, and Steven was staring out into Beach City. He stared at the temple, forcing himself to look away after a certain time. He looked up at the night sky, thinking of what Homeworld could possibly be like. Then he looked at the grass beneath him, letting his fingers grasp onto the wet grass blades.

He reminisced the day that Lars's stubborn attitude had grown onto Jenny, Sour Cream and Buck and their brisk, intense argument. He remembered driving Jenny's car up to the hill and pulling them out. He remembered the moss covering him and Lars, and just when he thought he was too late, the moss blossomed into beautiful, light pink flowers that floated over Beach City. All the moss wanted to do was blossom. He could only imagine how thrilled and entranced Rose must have been every time she helped the moss bloom every spring, trying to comprehend the beauty of it all. It could never cease to amaze someone no matter how many times they would witness it.

Steven let out a little warm smile in the corner of his mouth, a happy tear trailing down his cheek. He yearned to meet his mother. If only he could have seen how great she was. He wiped the wet trail on his cheek away with the back of his hand, looking back up at the sky. He slid his hand in one of the bags of his snacks, the rustle so loud it had interrupted the comfortable silence among them all. They all looked back at him, then broke out into laughter. It was the little things in life that made the moments. This moment was one Steven wouldn't forget.

* * *

"Oh, man, I should probably be heading home," Connie groaned, looking at the time. "Sorry, guys. I know it's lame of me to-"

"No worries, Connie," Jenny interrupted. "We get it. Let's head back then. Did ya have a good time tonight? Are we cool?" Jenny chuckled, standing up.

"Yeah!" Connie chirped. "It was incredible." Steven's heart fluttered hearing the words, smiling to himself as he stood up.

"This was a chill night," Buck agreed. "We gotta do this again sometime."

"Definitely," Sour Cream nodded, giving Connie a friendly nudge with his elbow. "You in?"

"Absolutely," Connie smiled. "Hopefully I get home in time."

"Let's get a move on, then," Jenny said, shutting her door. "Buckle up!"

* * *

"Bye, Connie!" Jenny waved as Connie walked to her door.

"See ya!" Buck shouted.

"Catch ya later!" Sour Cream said soon after.

"Have a good night!" Steven said, waving at her. "And Connie?"

Connie turned, looking at Steven. "Yeah?"

Steven smiled sheepishly. "Thanks."

Connie smiled warmly. "See you soon!"

After watching Connie go inside her house and saying good night to Mrs. Maheswaran, Jenny drove off. She tugged on her jacket, shivering a bit.

"All right, Steven, let's getcha home, huh?" Jenny said, looking in the rear-view mirror.

"Sure," Steven nodded. "It is getting pretty cold. Are you guys cold?"

"Yeah," the three replied.

"It was so warm earlier," Sour Cream said, shaking his head. "Mother Nature, you never know what she has in store for us."

"No doubt about that," Buck replied.

Reaching the sand of the beach, Jenny pulled to a stop. Steven's teeth were chattering and he was shivering. He slowly climbed out of the car, waving back to the three teens before they drove off. He walked over the sand, which was cold. He let out a shaky breath, rubbing the sleeves of his jackets roughly to try to warm up. He walked up the wooden stairs, quickening his pace as the wind hit his face. He swiftly slid inside the house, getting away from the screen door before the wind could hit his skin again. He turned to climb up the stairs leading to his bed when he noticed someone on the couch. It was Pearl, and she seemed to be waiting for him.

"Oh, hey, Pearl," Steven said, his voice shaky.

"Do you need something to warm you up?" Pearl asked softly.

Steven looked down at his feet. He didn't feel like talking to any of the Gems, but he was very cold, and he would take any offer. He nodded. "Sure, okay."

Pearl got up and went away for a moment, coming back with a blanket fresh out of the dryer. She then made Steven some hot chocolate, waiting for it to cool down a bit before she served it to him. As he drank the hot chocolate and wrapped the blanket around him, he felt a slow surge of heat roam throughout his body, sending a shiver down his spine, but a good kind of shiver. He looked up at Pearl, who had worrisome eyes. He gave her a small smile.

"Thanks, Pearl."

"No problem," Pearl replied, giving him a smile in return. She ran her hand through his hair once before turning to go into her room. "Have a good night, Steven."

"Uhm, Pearl?"

"Yes, Steven?" She was a step away from her door closing.

"Uhm, I got sand between my toes, and I have to wash my feet in the tub. I guess you gotta watch me?"

Pearl sighed. She wanted to let Steven do it on his own to give him a boost of satisfaction with them, but she was still worried that something like last time could happen. "Yes. Lead the way."

Steven nodded weakly, slithering away from his warmth. His feet dragged against the floor. He had just a small slither of hope that Pearl would let him do it on his own, but he knew her worry would cause her to not let it happen. He couldn't really blame her- it was in her nature, and he gave her a big reason for her to be worried. He just wished they understood it was an accident, and he never meant for it to happen. Steve flicked on the lights of the bathroom, staring at his safe haven that he couldn't be alone in for a while. A pang hit his heart. He was upset that he couldn't get to his safe haven in solitude- it was his only way for emotional release that actually satisfied him, and he couldn't be in it without being watched. He would have to bottle up his emotional instability more than ever.

He stepped into the tub, turning on the water. He opened the curtains wide enough for Pearl to watch him. He stuck his left foot under the hot-warm water running down. He then stuck his right foot under the water, getting goosebumps on his arms. He bent down to put his hands in the water, and a shaky smile expressed itself on his lips. Pearl cleared her throat, snapping Steven out of his trance. His eyes grew heavy, and he turned off the water. He stepped out and trudged out of the door, just wanting to go into bed already. Pearl looked at him, frowning at how upset he was. He wrapped himself back in the blanket that was now warm and drank the rest of the hot chocolate, dropping it in the sink. Pearl went into her room, finding things to distract herself quickly soon after the door shut.

* * *

Steven was sitting on the couch, just wrapped in the blanket, doing absolutely nothing at all. He just sat there, listening to the sound of the winds and the rumbles of thunder that were getting closer. Steven just sat there for hours, just thinking about everything. He didn't want to, but it was the only thing on his mind. All the things he was upset about just popped into mind. And he couldn't push them back- he was too drained to do so.

He heard something thump on the floor. He knew whatever it was that made the sound, it was bound to lead him to see or hear something that would upset him. But he thought, _'How much worse could it get than this?'_ He stood up and heard another thump. He turned and frowned as he saw that it was coming from Garnet's room. He decided to get comfortable. He tucked some blanket under his butt, waiting to hear what was happening.

* * *

"So you're so sure that we can handle this?" Ruby's voice sounded so hurt yet spiteful at the same time. "We're missing Rose, Pearl and Amethyst are too, which is making them violent, and now Steven is mad at all of us! Can we really handle this, Sapphire?"

"I-I don't know," Sapphire stuttered, dumbfounded. "We should have taken Steven's word. He was telling the truth. He doesn't lie to us."

"We have to make sure he's okay, though! That was too close what happened. We can't let anything happen to him."

"I know, but he was so upset that he worried us. It was never his intention."

"I know that. But still. I really want to, but we just can't act like it never happened and not watch him. I can't say I trust him enough for him to be alone in the bathroom for a while." Ruby growled loudly, her fists shaking and her feet burning the floor. "Just like I said; Rose would know how to handle this. We don't know how to do this, Sapphire. Rose was great at everything. She would fix this in a second, and we're so lagging it! How are we going to fix this?"

"We should focus on making Steven feel better."

"That's never gonna happen if we're all acting so mopey around him. We have to straighten up for him."

Sapphire walked over to Ruby. She placed her hand on Ruby's arm, wincing as her hand was burned. "You're frustrated beyond comprehension. What's the matter?"

"This is gonna be hard," Ruby replied, gritting her teeth. "Being the bigger gem is a real shard sometimes."

"Calm down, Ruby. Don't overheat."

"This is all so much to handle. I'm sorry, Sapphy, but this ain't gonna be easy for me to be calm about. But I'm gonna have to put on an act. Can't let it get the best of me."

Sapphire gave Ruby a peck on her cheek, grabbing her hand. "I know this is going to be hard, Ruby. We can do it."

Ruby looked away, gripping onto Sapphire's cool hand. Soon, their hands became warm. Ruby nodded, and they fused together, becoming Garnet once again. Garnet sucked in a big breath of air, then exhaling. "We can do it," she whispered to herself.

"We're still not as great as Rose," Ruby's side grunted.

"I know that," Sapphire's side agreed. "She was marvelous beyond comprehension."

"If she could come back once, I wish it would be now. Let's get this thing done."

"Tomorrow. It's late." Soon after, Garnet fell asleep.

* * *

Steven's eyes felt heavier than ever. He walked to the stairs, climbed them, slithered in his bed, and rested his head on his pillow. With Steven's emotions bouncing around his head, his eyes quickly glazed over with tears. The tears soon became too heavy for them to stay in his eyes, and they started streaming down his face. He tried to stop them before more could cascade down his face, but he couldn't hold it in anymore. Steven sniffled loudly- whether to the sobbing or to the cold he felt he was developing, he didn't know, but he was too caught up in his sobs to decide. He gasped for air and threw his pillow over his face, muffling the sad sounds he'd been holding in for so long into his pillow as his tears started to moisten it. His body shook violently with every sound he let out. He pulled the blankets over himself as if it'd block out any chance for his sounds to be heard.

He wondered how it ever got to this point. It was obvious, but how did he let it get to him so bad like this? Despite until his crying ceased, the sobbing didn't help at all. He was still filled with all these emotions, and crying was not an alternative he could rely on. It was just something he had held back for so long that he had to let it happen. It would have happened later on, anyways.

Just laying there for many minutes, Steven made a breathing hole for himself with the blanket, turned over his pillow to the dry side, and cried himself to sleep.


	12. Too Little, Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts
> 
> **I advise a trigger warning for this chapter**

The dreadful dream was a bit off this time.

_Steven hadn't appeared in the room where everything he loved should be. Instead he landed in the part of his dream where it had started to turn dismally grey. He stood up, but didn't move. He had to make a choice. He debated on whether he should go to the room filled with his beloved things and people, where he knew it was all just an illusion but nevertheless had made his dreams less spooky. Or the room where he was to meet the Gems and face the negativity they would spew at him; where he was forced to face what he had feared most to ever hear from the Gems. Where he thought their real feelings would be expressed._

_For some reason, instead of going to the happiness, he went towards the darkness. He figured, 'Better to be hurt sooner rather than later'. Watching the colors brisk away, he felt no emotions whatsoever. His feet started lifting up by themselves, and he began floating in the pitch blackness that was his dream. He swiveled his body around, looking for any signs of any of the Gems. A light shade of light began to glow, and Pearl's face appeared._

_Her cackle surprised the young gem warrior. She glared at Steven, and gave him a cunning grin. He had never seen such... malice before._

_"You're not worthy to be here; your mother should have never met Greg; she'd still be here with us!"_

_Steven was taken aback. In his dreams, no one other than Rose had ever been mentioned. He felt that this dream was going to be more upsetting than ever. Using his own father to make him feel bad struck a pain in Steven's chest. In the corner of his eye, he saw a shade of violet swirling up like a tornado from an empty void. Amethyst's purple face appeared, and a dastardly look was on her face. Her body popped up along Pearl's. Pearl's hands were clenched, and they were shaking with anger. Amethyst's hands were placed on her hips, and she brought one up to point it in Steven's face._

_"You're not cut out for this stuff." Amethyst's voice was firm, her gaze boring into Steven's eyes. Steven curled his knees up slightly, waving his arms around to see if he could back away somehow, but he couldn't. "No wonder Connie's pulling away from you; you suck as a gem warrior and a human!"_

_Finally, the one he had not faced yet had appeared in a smoky form. Garnet had said nothing yet. Her body appeared, and her hands were behind her back, like a professional person or something of the sort. Garnet had tilted her head down just enough to look at Steven. Steven felt like something was crawling on his skin, and his anxious nerves were starting to get the best of him. Garnet's shades disappeared as Steven looked up at her. Ruby, Sapphire and Garnet's eyes were all on him, a very stern and unimpressed look in all of their gazes._

_"I'm very disappointed in you."_

_Steven's heart stopped, a sharp pang in his chest as the words echoed throughout the room. Their voices overlapped as they spoke more negative things to him. Their voices filled the room, getting louder and louder, the words getting to him. Steven couldn't escape, he couldn't find a way to control it- he was weakening. He curled his knees all the way up to his chest, shut his eyes tight and pressed his hands hard onto his ears, trying to block out their voices as his gems activated his bubble. He was panicking, his breathing shallow and quick. He couldn't get a good breath. He opened his eyes slightly and everything stopped. The gems were all just staring at him now. Steven uncurled and looked at them, feeling nervous. A random feeling popped in mind. The feeling that something bad was about to happen, something that would crush him. And there was no force that could take him away from it. All in unison, their words echoed into the abyss._

_**"You shouldn't have been born!"** _

* * *

Steven shot awake. He didn't gasp for air, he didn't sit up like he usually would after dreams like that. He laid still. His eyes sulked, and they felt like they were pressing into his skull. They were dry and irritated; he barely had any moisture in his eyes. Steven looked out the window and saw a sliver of sunlight. Turned. Checked his phone. **6 a.m.** Steven rolled out of bed, and fell on his stomach. It was a hard belly flop, and he felt pain in his gem. He had a slight moment of panic, checking to see if there was any damage. No damage showed, and Steven felt a bit relieved. But somewhat disappointed at the same time? He shook it off and stood up, heading for the bathroom. He heard indistinct arguing coming from one of the Gem rooms. He heard all three of their voices. Once he heard his mother's name, he walked away from the door. He entered the bathroom. He didn't bother to wait for any of the Gems to come out or to get one of them. He was man enough to go into his own bathroom.

Something riled up in Steven. He stared at the doorknob of the bathroom door, just gazing at it. He reached out his hand and locked the door. He had put up making contact with the Gems for the past few days, but he wasn't gonna let them take away his safe haven; not in his greatest hour of need. He knew he was being a tad selfish and knew the Gems were just worried, but he didn't care about that now. He needed to release some of what he was bottling up. If this didn't help him, he didn't know what would.

He stripped off his clothes, ensured that there was a towel for him to dry in, and stepped in the tub slowly. He felt a rush of relief go throughout him just stepping into it. He turned on the hot water, turning the cold knob a bit so that it was warm. He turned on the shower head and sat down, letting the sprinkles of water pour down on him. He didn't care if it got in his eyes, it didn't bother him that his hair was getting in his face. He inhaled a deep breath, and let out a long well needed 'ah.' He looked up and saw that the bathroom was already getting foggy, and he hadn't turned the water knob at all yet. When the warm water was no longer satisfying him, he turned his body and turned the cold water knob off, letting the hot water hit his skin. He shivered, a pleased smile growing on his face.

Steven grabbed the shampoo and body wash and started applying it to himself. He lathered himself with body wash slowly, and then let the water do its work. He watched the body wash cascade off of him and wash down the drain, the color standing out from the dullness of the tub. Then he scooted himself up a bit away from the water, applying the shampoo. He grabbed the conditioner from the corner of the tub and applied it with the shampoo, then scooched backwards, closing his eyes tight just when the water hit his hair. He felt the soapy bubbles lather his face, and he started to rub it, cleaning his face. He tilted his head back and washed off the soap off of his face, and then just sat in the tub, enjoying and basking in his safe haven. It was only a few days, but he felt that his own and only calming place was being taken away from him.

After the hot water had turned cold and he had sat in the cold water for a few minutes, he stood up and turned off the water. He made sure to be careful of slipping on any puddles of water he left behind as he wrapped his towel around his waist. He found another towel and started wrapping it around his hair, heading for the door. He turned the knob slowly, stepping out with caution. He looked around and saw no sign of anyone else being awake, so he flipped off the light switched, grabbed his clothes, and closed the bathroom door. He climbed up the stairs to his bed and dressed himself, sitting on the bed and feeling like a shiny and clean person. His safe haven had proved to lift his spirits, but only slightly.

* * *

As he unwrapped the towel from his head, suddenly one of the Gem doors opened. The three Gems poured out of Garnet's room together, and they all stopped in their tracks when their eyes landed on Steven drying his damp hair. Steven looked up and froze, surprised. Then he remembered. He showered. Without any of their supervision. His instincts kicked in his defensive side, and he stood up as the Gems strode to where he was. Steven wasn't great at reading out the obvious, but he noticed their body language, especially Garnet's. Garnet's feet stomped up to the stairs, and when she reached the last step, she stopped. Steven moved away from her and walked in front of his TV, a stern expression on his face.

"Steven, what did we- I- tell you about the bathroom?" Garnet hissed, her fists clenched. "You are not allowed in there without any supervision."

"Steven, what if something had happened to you?" Pearl added on, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Dude, I know you're mad, but doing that was kinda not the best decision you ever made," Amethyst scolded, her hands on her hips.

"You shouldn't have disobeyed me," Garnet said, taking a step forward. "Explain yourself. Now."

Steven chuckled lightly, throwing them all off guard. He then started laughing violently, his eyebrows furrowed down. He looked up at Garnet, an unfamiliar smile on her face. "I went in the bathroom and took a shower. So what?"

"So what?" Garnet repeated, utterly disturbed with Steven's behavior. "You know well enough why."

"Well, it wouldn't have happened if you guys weren't in your room arguing about my mom again, wouldn't it?!" Steven blurted out, his fists shaking violently. Garnet stood up straight, Pearl gasped, and Amethyst's eyes shot wide open. They were taken aback. "Yeah. I know what you guys are so upset about. You know, I know you guys miss my mom. I get that. But when it gets to a certain point where you're hurting each other," Steven looked at Amethyst. "or my pet," Steven looked at Pearl, his eyes narrowed as she looked at him, guilt washed over her face. "that's when you're taking it too far."

The Gems were in a stunned silence. They all looked at how angry and emotionless Steven was in front of them. They didn't recognize this little boy. Garnet sucked in a deep breath and slowly took a step forward, reaching her hand out to touch Steven's. He swatted his hand away, glaring at her.

"And you. Garnet. I know you were worried about me, but you can't trust me to go into my own bathroom? That's kinda dumb."

"Steven, we were only looking out for you."

"Yeah. I know. But while doing that, you also crushed me."

Garnet's mouth went agape. "What?"

"Let's start with Pearl. She obviously tried hurting Lion just to see my mom's things. Look, I'm sorry she didn't tell you about that, and I'm sorry you can't go inside his mane. But you act like that's somehow my fault, or somehow Lion won't let you. That's not the case. I know you and my mom were really close, but you can't hurt innocent people or animals just because you miss my mom. Amethyst, I know you can get mad easily and stuff, but you need to control that. Just like with Pearl. And being snappy isn't great, either. It makes people feel bad for just trying to help.

"Garnet. Ruby and Sapphire. Focus on fixing this problem between all of you. It's too late to try sparing me from all of this, because I've overheard everything you guys have said. All of you. You guys all miss my mom. You guys have every right to. But you guys make me feel like you don't want me around. You guys are making me feel like you wish I was never born and that my mom had never given up her form so that I could be born. If I could, I would bring back my mom just so you all could be happy. Especially so I could stop feeling this small, like I don't deserve to even be breathing right now."

Steven started tearing up, and he was shaking violently. Pearl clenched onto her stomach as tight as her fingers could bore into herself, Amethyst's chin was shaking and her teeth were clenched as she tried not to cry, and Garnet had to sit down. She didn't know that they had all made Steven feel so depressed like this. She didn't know that they had made him feel like he wasn't important or not worthy of living.

"Steven," Garnet whispered, her voice cracking.

"Is that what you guys want?" Steven blurted out, tears streaming down his face. "I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like this because I can't have a good time anymore. I can't hang out with Connie because I get too sad and I don't want her to be sad, but whether I hang out with her or not, she's sad anyways, so that's pointless. I'm just making people around me sad just because I'm walking on this earth. Do you know how much this sucks?

"I know you guys are also worried that I might crack my gem. Is there a chance I can't regenerate like you guys? If I can't, then it's like losing my mom all over again, isn't it, huh? I'm the one thing that comes so close to being with my mom. Is that what you guys see me as? I know Pearl looks at me sometimes like I'm my mom. I get it, but sometimes it hurts. That makes me feel like I'm not wanted, just what I've been saying. Garnet, I'm sorry you feel like you're not as great as my mom, but you are, and I wish you could just see that! You're all great, can't you just accept that? I'm done facing you guys. I can't take it."

Steven hopped off of the upper level onto the couch, and wiped away his tears roughly. He kept crying out raw sobs as he stepped off the couch. The Gems couldn't move. Rose's door opened, and Steven made a bee-line for it. The Gems snapped out of their trances and quickly ran after him, trying to get him before he could shut them out.

"Steven!"

"Wait!"

"Let's talk about this!"

Steven scoffed with such spite. "Oh, now you wanna talk to me?" Steven glared at all of them, stepping into the room. "Too little, too late."

**_Slam._ **


	13. Help's Arrived: Connie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts
> 
> **I advise a trigger warning for this chapter**

Steven refused to leave Rose's room. He was sitting up, his knees up to his chest, not moving for anything. He hadn't commanded the room to do anything ever since he stepped inside the room. He just sat there, listening to the Gems lightly tapping on the door and trying to persuade him to come out of the room. From time to time, the only thing that would escape his lips was a disgruntled scoff.

"Steven, come on out," Garnet said softly, tapping on the door. "We can sort this out somehow."

"Come on, Steven," Amethyst added on. "Let's chomp down on some food together."

"Let's sort all of this out, Steven," Pearl pleaded. "This was never our intention."

Steven was getting tired of hearing them trying to get him to talk. It was the last thing he wanted to do. He sat up a bit and finally said something.

"Room, make a see-through portal that I can open and close whenever so I can see the other side of the door."

The room obeyed, opening something like a window that allowed Steven to see them. They all pressed together, hopeful looks on their faces. They had soft smiles on their faces. Steven turned to face them, his face blank.

" **Leave me alone**."

He waved his hand over the window-like portal and closed it.

* * *

The Gems all frowned as Steven closed their only way of seeing him. They looked at each other, absolutely dumbfounded. They had no ideas on what to do about this. Garnet stood up and started pacing, trying to get an idea. Something gleamed against Garnet's shades, and she looked up at Steven's bed. It was his phone. She leaped up to the upper floor, grabbing onto it. She glanced at Steven's pillow and noticed that one of the sides were a different shade. She placed her hand on top of it and frowned as she felt the dampness that was still there.

"He sobbed," Garnet said aloud. "He cried about all of this."

"How do you know?" Pearl asked.

"His pillow. It's damp. This must have been at night."

"Gimme his phone," Amethyst said, holding her hand out. Garnet hesitated, but then tossed it down to her. Amethyst dialed a number.

"Who are you calling?" Pearl asked.

"Help."

* * *

The steps were rapid yet light, dashing to the door where Steven was keeping everyone out of. Bent down on their knees and tapping lightly on the door, they awaited an answer.

"I said leave me alone." Steven's voice was weak and hoarse, but it could be understood. "I'm not coming out."

"Steven, it's me."

Steven was surprised. He turned a bit and waved his hand up, opening the window-like portal. His eyes were damp. "Connie?"

She lifted her hand up and pressed it to the portal. "Steven."

"Why are you here?"

"Amethyst called me. I came to see if you were okay."

"No, I mean- _why_?"

"What?"

"I just make you so worried and sad whether I hang out with you or not. I don't want that for you. I don't want you upset because of me. It's not fair to you. It's better if you just stay away from me. I have to deal with this on my own, Connie. I can't drag you into it because sometimes it's too much for me. I have to handle this by myself, so that I don't hurt anyone else- especially you."

"Steven," Connie breathed out, her eyes a bit wet. "Please, let me help you. I want to help you."

Steven pressed his hand up to the portal. It went through it, and his hand touched Connie's. She gasped softly, a hopeful little smile on her face. "Connie?"

"Yeah?"

Steven shed a tear, and his chin shook. " _Go away_." He pulled his hand away and waved his hand down, closing the portal once again.

"Steven?" Connie knocked on the door once, then started to knock on it constantly. "Steven!"

"Hey!" Amethyst shrieked, grabbing onto Connie and pulling her away from the door. "It's not gonna help. He won't budge."

Connie squirmed out of Amethyst's grip and breathed out a sad sound. She turned to face the Gems, a firm look in her eyes. "What happened?"

"We pushed Steven's patience with us too far," Garnet said, stepping in front of her. "We sent him into a spiraling depression. That was never our intention."

Connie sighed. She rubbed her hand over her face. She went back to the door. "Steven, just talk to me. You wanted them to talk and they wouldn't. That's not your fault. But don't do the same thing. Let me help you. Let me be the one that helps, like you wanted to be for the Gems."

Steven sighed. He wanted to help, and when he couldn't deliver, he felt useless. He didn't want that for Connie. He opened the portal back open and reached out his arm, waiting for Connie to grab a hold of him. She gave him a soft smile before taking his hand, letting him pull her inside. Before she could step in, Amethyst handed her Steven's phone. Amethyst figured, if they couldn't do anything, maybe his phone would distract him from his thoughts. Connie felt a light tug, so she stepped inside. Steven quickly closed it before he could look at the Gems as Connie sat in front of him. Steven didn't look her in the eye at first, and had his head tilted down. Connie raised her hand to his knee, waiting for him to talk whenever he felt ready.

"Room, poof up two blankets." The blankets fell in Steven's hands, and he handed one to Connie. "Here. You're gonna get cold soon."

"Thanks." They both wrapped their blankets around themselves, sitting in silence.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this, Connie, and I'm sorry I didn't ask to hang out with you the other day."

"Don't worry about that. I had a great time with you and Jenny and Buck and Sour Cream. What's on your mind?"

Steven went quiet. He shrugged his shoulders in response. "I dunno. I feel like I shouldn't be alive."

A cold shiver crept up Connie's spine- one that disturbed her. Hearing those words from someone who was so outgoing and cheerful and fun made her heart sink. "Steven."

"Sorry."

"You shouldn't be sorry for how you feel. Tell me what happened."

"I kept overhearing the Gems talking about how they miss my mom and stuff. It made me feel sad but I felt bad for feeling sad because what if I'm being selfish? If it wasn't for me, my mom would be alive right now and they'd all be happy. But it sucked because I thought they wanted me around and hearing that stuff they said made me feel like they wished I was never born. Sometimes I feel like they get mad at my dad for meeting my mom." Steven sighed and shrugged once again. "I dunno. I feel like I'm not needed."

"Steven, of course you're needed."

"How am I needed?"

"The people around you- their days get so much better whenever you just talk to them. You're so nice and you have this great vibe that can get the most stubborn people to let out a smile. I mean, take Lapis for example. She had all this pent up rage inside her and she saw you as a threat because you were with the Gems. But she warmed up to you, and you guys became friends. She learned to trust you. She fused with Jasper to protect you."

"But I'm not worth all of that trouble! She could be free right now, living her life and stuff." Steven buried his face in his arms. "She could be somewhere happy."

"Steven, you gave her something she never thought she had in her- strength. You made her a new Gem."

"I just made her a prisoner of herself," Steven spat in utter disdain to himself, raising his hands up to his head and squeezing it very hard. "I'm no good."

Baffled, Connie went quiet. She was stuck. She could see now how drastic this all was, how upset and how guilty Steven was feeling. She didn't know if she could help him with this, but she refused to quit. She stood up. "I'm gonna get us some food. Can you...?"

"Oh, yeah," Steven said quietly, opening it. Connie tried stepping out, but she was forced to step back. "Here, hold my hand, and I'll stick it out so you can walk out."

"Okay. I'll be right back." She grabbed his hand and stepped out, letting it go and jogging to the fridge. The Gems surrounded her, questioning expressions on their faces.

"How is he?" Pearl asked.

"It's more than you think," Connie answered. "He's upset about a lot of stuff. This is a really bad funk. Do you guys have popcorn?"

"Here," Garnet said, giving her a bag of popcorn from one of the cabinets. "Just please make sure he's okay. We surely can't."

Connie nodded. "I'll do my best." After the popcorn had finished, she grabbed it and the other snacks in her hands and stuffed it in a sack. She ran to the portal, took Steven's hand, and gave a faint wave as it shut once again.

* * *

Connie's phone buzzed, interrupting their snacking. She pressed the phone to her ear.

"Hello? ... I'm still with Steven, yes. ... Mom," Connie turned from Steven, starting to whisper. "Steven really needs me. He's really upset right now. He needs help."

Mrs. Maheswaran furrowed her eyebrows. "Hm. He did tell me he was having family issues at home. Is he alright?"

"I don't think so. He's really upset. Mom, I know you might not like the idea, but can I stay here until there's a sign he's getting better?"

"Connie," Mrs. Maheswaran breathed out. "What if it's a very long stay?"

"If I stay for more than 3 days, I'll come home for a night or two, then I'll come back to check on him. Is that okay? Please, Mom. I can't just sit in the sidelines and do nothing."

"Okay, fine. But no funny business. Ensure your health as well, okay?"

Connie smiled. "Thank you, Mom. I'll see you later. And Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for trying to be more lenient. I love you. Bye."

"Good night, Connie."

Connie turned to face Steven now, sliding the phone in her pocket. "Sorry about that. I can stay here for a while. Is that okay with you?"

Steven nodded lightly. "Only if you want to."

"I want to, Steven," Connie said in a soothing tone. "I want to help you."

Steven offered a weak smile. He didn't know why Connie would stay by his side through such a complicated situation such as this; he didn't know why she was involving herself in this much drama and emotional down toll. Connie never ceased to amaze Steven. She was so capable of all these things, and here he was, struggling to feel like he was needed. How could he involve her in this? She didn't deserve all of this. She was tough, and also stubborn when she wanted to be.

"...Steven?"

"Huh?"

"I said, are you feeling tired?"

"No. Are you?"

Connie smiled sheepishly, covering her mouth as she let out a big yawn. "I'll stay up with-"

"No," Steven interrupted. "Room, poof up a comfy bed for Connie." A bed appeared, and just the sight of it made Connie feel warm. It looked so soft and comfortable. She ran to it and jumped onto it, giggling as she bounced up in the air a few times. She sat up, patting a space next to her.

"Wanna join me?"

"I'm okay," Steven replied, smiling softly at her. "You go ahead. Plus, your mom might not like that. Gotta respect her."

Connie raised a brow, but laid down on the big bed that Steven insisted she reserve for herself. She pulled on the provided blankets and pulled up a cool pillow, sliding it under her head and resting her head onto it. Her eyes immediately became half-lidded, a relaxed smile on her face. Before she knew it, she fell right to sleep.

* * *

Steven asked the room for the time and was a bit surprised to see how late it was. He looked over at Connie, who was stirring lightly in her slumber. If she insisted on being stuck with him, he might as well make her stay as comfortable as he could for her. He owed it to her. But Steven wasn't tired at all. Sure, he felt emotionally exhausted and physically drained, but he was not tired at all. His thoughts were keeping him wide awake, and they hadn't faded away at all.

Meanwhile, the Gems had grabbed pillows and blankets and placed them in front of Rose's door. They weren't going to move until Steven came out, and they were surely determined. They had to make things better somehow. But they had no idea. They never thought they'd face this situation. They hadn't thought they would make Steven act with such dismal behavior, and give him such despair in his life.

Ruby and Sapphire were battling at it nonstop, trying to figure out any way to solve this.  
Pearl felt extreme guilt for making Steven feel this way, yet she was still missing Rose. Remorse for Rose made Pearl feel even more guilty, because that was what had caused this all in the first place.  
Amethyst- oh, Amethyst had a way of holding in her feelings. But she couldn't keep in these feelings. She was one of the people who had caused Steven to feel such dread in his life, and all she's ever wanted to do was to make him enjoy life even through the rough patches.

The Gems all exchanged looks as they all got comfortable. The same question hung in the air: ' _What are we going to do?'_


	14. Losing Interest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts
> 
> **I advise a trigger warning for this chapter**

Remembering that Connie had brought in his phone, Steven searched for it, wanting to distract himself, if he could, for just a little bit. His thoughts were bothering him. He tiptoed up to Connie, looking around the bed. He lifted up her pillow and saw that there it was, under her palm. He poked out a finger and placed it on an edge of his phone, slowly sliding it out from under her hand. She stirred a bit, her hand moving off of it. Steven held his breath as he grabbed it and ran back to his sitting spot, breathing out heavily. He turned it on, not surprised at the time. It was about 3 in the morning, and he still wasn't feeling tired.

He unlocked his phone, proceeding to play the games he had on there. Though it was distracting him, he wasn't enjoying them like he usually would. He became worried. ' _Am I gonna stop liking the things that I like?'_ Steven wondered. ' _Oh man, that's a bummer. Maybe I should try doing the things I like whenever it's a good time later on today. Man, that means I should probably try to get some sleep, then. Ugh, sleep.'_

Steven set down his phone and made the room poof up a pillow for him. He pulled up the blanket he had poofed up earlier to his chin, nuzzling himself against the warm cloth. He just laid there, looking at where the door should be, but it wasn't there. Instead there was just more room. It's like the Gems were nonexistent. And then, Steven found himself blanking out. He spaced out. Eventually, his eyelids felt heavy, and he fell asleep.

* * *

_"Hey, let's go! Steven!"_

_Steven looked around; he was in Beach City, in front of the Big Donut. A whistle called in his direction, and he looked over to see Jenny, Buck, Sour Cream and Connie. Sour Cream waved his hand over. "You ready, dude?"_

_Steven raised a brow in confusion. "Ready? Where are we going?"_

_Jenny turned, and she smiled. "Beach day."_

_"Yeah, come on, Steven!" Connie called out. Steven was very puzzled, but he walked over to his friends and climbed in the car. Am I dreaming?_

_Just a few minutes passed and they all ran out of the car. Steven stumbled as he climbed out of Jenny's car. His friends had all taken off their top outfits and revealed their beach wear, running into the water. They were splashing each other; even Buck and Sour Cream were enjoying the water. Steven looked down at his outfit and saw that he had on some beach shorts. He took off his shirt and strolled to the water, dipping a toe in it. He walked in the water, soon joining in on the splashing. Someone took him by surprise and splashed a ton of water on his back. Steven arched his back and lost his balance, falling inside the water. He let out a laugh under water and swam up to resurface, but the water wouldn't let him._

_Steven started panicking, and he tried pushing on the water. It felt like he was being held by a glass barrier. He couldn't hold in his breath any longer; he let out all the air he stored in his mouth, watching the air bubbles pop as it reached the pique of the water. He was very worried, but then noticed he was breathing in the water. He looked around the ocean floor and swam towards the deep. The deeper he went, the blacker the ocean bottom became. He found himself floating, and his nerves rose. 'Another Gem dream? Haven't I had enough already? I already don't want to be alive...'_

_Instead of being met by the Gems, he was met with himself landing on a puddle of water. The surrounding area was just pitch black. He heard distant, pained grunts, trying to locate it. The puddle beneath his feet had made ripples, and he realized that it was right under him. He leaped up a bit and fell inside the puddle, surprised for a second. He looked up and saw a hunched over figure, struggling to stand up straight._

_"Here, let me help you," Steven said to the figure, running over to it. The closer he got, the more he realized who it was. "Lapis?"_

_She turned sharply, her back straightening up. "Steven? What are you doing here? It's dangerous, you shouldn't be here."_

_"I-I know," Steven panted, remembering how this ended last time. "I-I can't wake up- why can't I wake up?" Steven's breathing became heavy and rapid._

_"Steven-"_

_Steven bent forward, his forehead started to leak out sweat. He scrunched up his face very tightly, trying to wake up. "I can't bother you- ugh, why won't I wake up?!" Steven tugged on his hair, hot tears forming in the corners of his eyes._

_Seeing the usual lighthearted boy struggling, Lapis kept her hold on tight enough on her chains to focus on Steven. "What's happening?"_

_"I can't- wake up!"_

_"No, why are you so angry?"_

_"That doesn't matter- I need to leave you alone so that you aren't hurt!" Steven sat on the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest, rocking back and forth a bit. "I keep on hurting people around me- I'm not wanted- I keep making things worse- I shouldn't be here!"_

_"You shouldn't be here where I am, no, but that-"_

_"No, I shouldn't be alive! I keep on making everything and everyone around me so miserable and I could stop it all if I wasn't here!"_

_"Don't say that, Steven."_

_"It's true! I mean, look at what I did to you!"_

_"What about me?"_

_"I made you a prisoner of yourself-"_

_"No, you didn't do anything bad to me."_

_"But now you're Malachite, and you're trapped at the bottom of the ocean-!" Steven's heart lurched as he continued to struggle to awaken. "That's my fault!"_

_"No, Steven, I made this decision. I did this so that Jasper wouldn't harm you. This was my decision. You gave me strength, Steven-" Lapis's arms shook as Jasper tried pulling on the chains from her side. Lapis quickly pulled her arms up, keeping her back straight and gaining the upper hand._

_"But are you happy?" Steven asked, his voice sounding pained._

_"No. But I know eventually I will be, and that'll be thanks to you. You were the only person that actually talked to me- that actually helped me."_

_"I'm no good," Steven whispered, as if he was wounded._

_"Take it from your beach summer fun buddy. You're different, Steven."_

_The ground and the water started shaking violently, and Steven and Lapis lost their footing. Lapis fell to her knees, letting out a struggled cry. Steven fell to his knees as well, and he crawled over to Lapis, trying to help her._

_"Steven, you need to go," Lapis said loudly over the rumbling. "Make sure you-"_

* * *

Steven's eyes shot open, and he gasped for air as he finally awoke from his... dream ordeal. His breathing was out of control, and he realized what had just happened. He was left interrupted. He left before Lapis could finish her sentence.

_'What happened to her? I need to get back to her! I need to see how she is- if she's still in control!'_

"No," Steven breathed out softly, concern filling his voice. "No no no no no no no!" When he heard Connie mumble and stir, Steven quickly became quiet. ' _Oh man, I gotta find out what's going on with Lapis! Maybe if I fell back to sleep now-_ -'

Connie's phone blared an alarm tone, sending Steven's nerves crawling down his spine. His heart beat raced, and his mind became foggy. Connie turned over on her other side and pulled the pillow over her head, slowly starting to wake up. She hadn't noticed Steven yet, so Steven laid back down and pretended to be asleep. Connie turned it off and unlocked her phone, using the light to help her adjust to the brightness. She pulled her head out from under the pillow and sat up, proceeding to stretch.

"Man, 8 am? I guess I forgot to turn off my alarm. Oh, well," Connie mumbled to herself. Seeing Steven laying on the cloudy floor, Connie raised her voice up a bit. "Steven? Did my alarm wake you up?"

Steven stirred lazily, turning to face her. "Mm, yeah," Steven replied, rubbing his sleepy eyes. It jolted him more awake, truthfully. "Why do you have an alarm?"

"I guess I forgot to turn it off," Connie chuckled. She yawned, stretching her arms up. "Did you get enough rest? If you didn't, you should-"

"I think I'm good," Steven replied quickly. He knew he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. It would have to come back to him on its own, and that frustrated Steven beyond comprehension. "So, do you wanna get outta here?"

"No, it's okay, I'll stay in here with-"

"No, I mean, you and me... we both get out of this room..."

Connie's eyes shot open. "Really?"

Steven nodded his head sheepishly. "I wanna figure out some stuff, just for today, though."

"Okay, definitely! Let's go, whenever you're ready."

"Can you check and see if the Gems are out there? I gotta be prepared to face them if they are."

"No problem," Connie replied, hopping off the bed. She took Steven's hand as he opened the portal, letting Connie go through.

She gasped and lost her grip on Steven's hand as she immediately bumped into the Gems, who had stayed in their spots from the night and had not moved. She let out a yelp as she landed in Pearl's lap, her cheeks glowing red as she scrambled to get to her feet.

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't see-"

"It's quite alright," Pearl replied. "Is Steven coming out?"

Connie hesitated, then nodded. She reached over to the portal, waving her hand to get Steven's attention.

"Hey, they're out here. I'll wait for you, okay?"

"Okay..." Steven replied nervously. He tinkered with his fingers and chewed on his bottom lip as his nerves rose. He took a big gulp, stood up, and shut the portal.

"Steven!" Connie cried. "I thought you were gonna come out!"

Telling the room he wanted to exit, the room opened the door to Rose's room, revealing Steven standing in front of the doorway. His hair was a bit out of place and his face looked a bit pale from all his stress and dread. The Gems were very surprised to see the bags under his eyes, and how exhausted he looked. But then they remembered- Steven had bottled up all these emotions for so long, trying not to show any signs of distress towards the Gems. Now that he had told them, all the faces and all the emotion he had held back was finally showing.

Noticing that all eyes were on him, Steven shrank back. His gem was still glowing, which kept Rose's door open. He was really debating on running back inside the room. Why was he so afraid of just being out of the room?

"Uhm... can you guys stop... staring at me?" Steven mumbled, darting his eyes to the floor.

The Gems scrambled, nodding and looking away very awkwardly. Connie walked to his side, laying her hand on his shoulder. She gave him a small, supportive smile.

"Hey, we don't have to be out here if you don't feel up for it," Connie whispered. "We can go back in."

Steven looked at his hands. They were a bit shaky. Steven furrowed his brow. ' _Why am I so afraid? Why is it so hard now?'_ Steven looked back at Connie. "No, let's stay out here."

The Gems slowly stood up and took an advance towards him. Steven jumped a bit and threw his hand out to halt them. They immediately stopped, guilt written all over their faces. He drew in a shaky breath and straightened out his back. "Garnet, let's go exercise." Thinking he was too harsh, Steven hesitated. "I mean, do you wanna go exercise?"

Garnet was glad her shades were so dimly tinted because she was tearing up. Holding back most of her enthusiastic smile, she let out a small, warm one, then nodded at him. "Sure. Whenever you're ready."

* * *

With her hand clutched onto the handle of the stereo, Connie ran over to where Steven and Garnet were standing in the sand of the beach. She set it down, giving Steven and Garnet a little nod. She then walked away, respecting that this was their one-on-one time that they spent with each other daily.

Steven clicked 'play' on the stereo. He lifted up his weights, then lifted his arms up and down as he began with squats. Garnet made very heavy weights appear in her hands, and she started to slowly lean side to side, with her arms extended out. She looked at Steven, who was so concentrated on the exercise. He usually was, but he would also be cracking jokes and making comments about his 'gun show.' But he wasn't today, and that concerned Garnet even more.

She quietly debated whether or not to go ahead with what she was thinking about doing.

She cleared her throat. "Steven... I'm sorry I didn't take your word. I know you don't-"

Steven sighed, a bit flustered. He then started to run in place, his hands firmly grasped onto the weights. "Garnet... I didn't come out to really talk about this stuff... I had to see something. I'm sorry."

Garnet looked down at him. "You have nothing to apologize for, Steven." Garnet started to do some toe touches. "What are you looking for?"

Steven started to do jumping jacks along to the music, remembering to breath as he exercised, not to hold in his breath. "I dunno yet. I guess I'll know when I feel it." Not feeling satisfied with the exercise, Steven dropped his weights, watching as the sand that flew in the air sprinkled onto his feet. He turned off the music and looked up at Garnet, who was a bit baffled.

"Tired already, Steven?"

Steven's jaw locked. "No." ' _Why did I get so offended? It was a simple question, she didn't mean it like that_.' Steven's mind battled with itself. ' _Yes she did_.' Steven crinkled his nose. ' _No she didn't! Shut up!'_

"What happened?"

"I'm just not feeling up for this." Steven shut his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We don't have to do this if you're not feeling like it."

Steven offered his smallest smile yet. "Thanks."

He started strolling towards the temple, hands shoved in his pockets. Once Garnet saw that he had disappeared into the beach house, she sat in the sand, her chin in her hands. How could she let this happen to him? She should have been more cautious and seen the signs. It was now her duty to ensure that everyone on her team was okay, and she ignored Steven despite his hour of need. She felt like she failed him.

* * *

Steven was about to open the fridge and dig inside to find a treat when he noticed Amethyst up on his bed, watching TV. He weakly waved at her. She perked up a bit, waving back at him.

"Hey... you wanna come eat with me?" Steven asked.

Amethyst's eyes went a bit wide. She nodded quickly, jumping to his side. "Sure, kid. Whatcha got in mind?"

"I dunno. Do we have popcorn?" Steven noticed how distant he was acting. Around Amethyst, he could be his usual self. He could be laid back. ' _Why am I acting like this? Why can't I just suck it up? Why can't I just have a fun time with her?'_ Steven got so caught up in his thoughts he couldn't hear Amethyst calling his name. It wasn't until she snapped her fingers in front of his face that she got his attention.

"Steven," Amethyst said a bit too loud. Seeing Steven looking uncomfortable, she pretended to cough. Snapping at him is probably what she contributed to him thinking they didn't want him around. She had to be careful. "What kind of popcorn do you want?"

"Oh, uhm, do we have extra butter? Sometimes they say that the regular one has enough butter, but then it's barely there."

Amethyst chuckled. He seemed to started being a bit himself around her. "Stuff happens, man."

Steven nodded, a little smile on his face. He opened the freezer, spotting the ice cream. "Hey, do you want some ice cream?"

"Sure thing."

"Okay."

Steven got out two bowls and spoons, then pulled out the ice cream tub. He started scooping the ice cream into both the bowls, added topping each of them usually liked, and put up the ice cream. With the bowls in his hands, Steven went up the stairs to his bed, sitting in front of the TV. He awaited for Amethyst as she pulled out the popcorn from the microwave, pouring it into a bowl. She then jumped to his side, keeping a comfortable distance for Steven. They were both sitting at each ends of the bed. She pulled out another bowl from behind her back, pouring some popcorn in it and giving it to Steven.

"Do you wanna watch your crying breakfast show?" Amethyst asked.

"No, I know you don't really like it," Steven replied casually. "We could watch some wrestling or something."

"Sure, whatever ya want," Amethyst replied.

So they did. They decided to watch some wrestling. Even though Steven liked it, he still had this feeling that he didn't. He looked down at his ice cream and his share of popcorn and suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. He tried to eat some, but he felt as if he couldn't keep it down. And if he did, he felt like he was too full to take another bite. But he barely ate. He pushed his bowls over to Amethyst, whose bowls were empty. Amethyst raised her brow, but ate his share without hesitation.

"Hey, are you-" Amethyst tried to ask.

"Yeah," Steven replied quickly. He hopped to his feet, going down the stairs. "Perfect."

* * *

Steven went outside to the balcony, letting the wind do what it wanted to with him. Pearl appeared out of nowhere, startling him a bit. He let out a shaky breath, trying to not let his nerves get the best of him. She kept more than enough of a distance. She wanted to ensure that she couldn't upset Steven.

Knowing that Pearl was doing her best not to upset him made Steven a bit upset anyways, and he didn't exactly know why. She was just trying to give him some space that she felt he needed. He guessed just knowing that she was going out of her way to not disturb him had disturbed him anyways- he supposed she was just trying too hard, and it was very noticeable.

"You can come a little closer," Steven said quietly, surprising Pearl a bit. "You don't need to be that far."

Pearl took a little step closer. "O-of course."

Steven sucked on his lip, looking at the ocean. His mind drifted to his interrupted dream with Lapis. But he shook that thought away and tried to focus on today. He looked up at Pearl, whose eyes were a bit glazed. ' _Is she holding back... tears?'_

"Pearl?" Steven's voice cracked a bit. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he was pretty sure what the problem was: him. Pearl turned her face to him, a sad smile on her face.

"Yes, Steven?"

"Do you... do you wanna practice... with me?"

"Steven, I hurt you with my spear." Pearl harshly blinked away the tears that threatened to leak out of her eyes. "I don't want that to happen again, especially when we're practicing."

"Please," Steven pleaded a bit. "I'm tryna figure something out, and I think practicing with you could help me somehow."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes," Steven said, nodding. "Please."

Not wanting to upset him more than she and the Gems had already, she nodded slowly, agreeing. "Okay. But I'll go easy first. You tell me when we need to stop, okay?"

Steven exchanged a smile with her. "Okay. We'll practice after I come back from town, okay?"

"Okay, but have Connie accompany you, please."

It was the least Steven could do for the Gems. He nodded. He called into the house. "Connie, wanna go into Beach City with me?"

She stood up, nodding. "Sure, let's go."

* * *

First stop, the arcade. Steven and Connie ran around the little area and played all of their favorite games, some together, some alone. Every game he played, Steven didn't feel that rush of excitement he usually had. After an hour, they headed for the Big Donut. Steven chatted with Sadie and shared some laughs, but he wasn't really feeling it. He ate some donuts with Connie and Sadie while Lars tried acting cool by leaning against everything and making snide remarks. After Sadie got fed up with his attitude, she argued with Lars, which was the point where Steven and Connie left.

They made a stop to get some fry bits for Steven, and Connie joined in a casual conversation with Petey's dad. Steven strolled to a bench and sat down, toying with his fry bits. He still wasn't hungry. He sighed, setting them beside him. Petey saw Steven from inside the store and decided to join him. Petey took a seat by Steven, sensing some weird vibes from him.

"Hey, Steven, you okay?" Petey asked oh so casually.

"I dunno," Steven shrugged. "There's just so much going on lately. It's making me feel bad."

"Why?"

"Well, I feel like the Gems don't want me around- like they regret that I was born. And I tried ignoring it, but I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I told them everything, and now everything's so weird."

"Whoa," Petey breathed out. "Well, I can't say I relate, Steven. Not to that, exactly. But, it's part of growing up, yanno? You gotta face things sometimes. It's gonna hurt, but you'll learn to get past it eventually. Life's not easy."

Steven finally understood all of what Petey was explaining to him the day that Frybo came alive. He finally understood Petey's perspective of life, and he couldn't agree more. "You're telling me."

"Don't worry, Steven. Knowing you, things will be okay soon enough." Petey gave Steven an encouraging and soft smile, patting Steven's back. Glancing down at the fry bits, Petey raised a brow. "You're not gonna eat that?"

"Oh, that? I thought I was, but, hehe, I guess I'm not hungry. Sorry."

"Hey, no problem," Petey waved off, grabbing the paper bowl of fry bits. He grabbed a little handful and threw it onto the wooden deck, watching as birds swooped down to eat the fry bits. "Cool thing is that there's someone out there that'll have your back. Even cooler if there's more than one person. I gotta go, I gotta help my dad close up for the night. Hope things work out, Steven."

"Thanks, Petey, have a good night," Steven smiled. Petey's small speech lifted his spirits and just for a moment made him forget all what was happening. Steven looked at Connie, who was laughing at something Petey's dad had said. Her face brightened up. Steven couldn't help but to smile. He waved Connie over. She said goodbye and then ran to his side.

"Hey, ready to go?"

"Yeah. You sure you don't wanna make any other stops?" Steven asked.

"I'm okay," Connie replied. "Let's get back to the temple, if you wanna."

"Sure, let's go. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"You gotta hold my hand the way back," Steven smiled, extending his hand out. Connie chuckled, grabbing a hold of his hand. "Alright, let's go. I gotta do something with Pearl."

* * *

On the sand, Steven and Pearl stood at opposite sides. Steven sucked in a deep breath, curling his toes a bit. Pearl was ready to pull out her weapon at any moment. She wasn't sure Steven's shield would appear when he wanted it to, and that's what worried her. She didn't want to harm him again. Pearl had brought Lion as a precaution just in case she would do something she didn't mean to. Lion was laying down, just watching them, waiting for them to go into action.

"Advance!" Pearl called out.

Steven nodded, making a running start towards her. She was much faster than he was, so she quickly caught up to him. She pulled her spear out from her Gem and gripped tightly onto the handle. Steven gulped dryly, panicking a bit. Pearl swung her spear at him, about to nick him when his shield appeared so quickly, it bounced the spear out of Pearl's hands. Her eyes widened as she watched her spear land far in the sand. She ran to it, picking it back up and looking at Steven. He was running towards her, a determined look on his face.

Pearl narrowed her eyes, advancing towards him. Her spear struck out and hit his shield harshly, making Steven's arms shake a bit. In just a nanosecond, Pearl was hitting his shield multiple times, every hit with more brute force than the last one. Her emotions were getting the best of her and it was coming out with her fighting.

"Pearl!" Steven cried out loudly, but Pearl couldn't hear him with the loud bangs the shield was creating. "Pearl! Stop!"

His shield disappeared, as it had sustained too much damage, and Pearl's spear cut the entire front of his shirt in a diagonal direction and nicked his cheek. Steven whirled backwards, swiftly lifting his hand up to his nicked cheek. The cut too tender, his touch made it sting so painfully, he let out a hiss. He looked at his palm, and blood was smeared on it, including some on his fingertips. He looked up at Pearl, whose eyes were leaking tears. Lion shot up, his lips snarled.

"Pearl, it's okay," Steven said, even though he was stepping away from her. "You didn't mean it-"

"Steven, I am so sorry," Pearl breathed out. She took a step towards him, and Lion quickly stepped in front of Steven.

"Lion, it's okay," Steven said. "It was an accident."

"Steven, are you okay? Does it hurt a lot? Did I cut your chest as well?"

"It's another scratch, like the last time, Pearl. It's just my cheek. It's okay."

Seeing how calm he was, Pearl became puzzled. She slowly walked around Lion, who was harshly eyeing her, and stepped beside Steven.

"I didn't find it here, either," Steven mumbled, sitting down in the sand.

"What are you trying to find, Steven?"

Steven sighed, frustrated. "I don't know. I came out to find something, and I didn't find it. I-I don't know what's wrong."

"You'll find it, Steven," Pearl encouraged.

"I thought it would be out here for sure," Steven sighed. "I was wrong."

"Steven, you'll find it. You eventually find what you're looking for, all the time."

Steven's eyes were beginning to glaze. His chin trembled. He stood up, his Gem faintly starting to glow. He let out a sharp groan, his fists shaking. "Why can't I do anything right?!" Steven yelled, storming for the temple.

"Steven?" Pearl turned around, her hand reached out to his direction. She scrambled to her feet as she noticed the pink glare. "Steven, wait!" She ran after him, slowly catching up.

Steven ran inside the beach house, blazing past Amethyst and Garnet, whom were on his bed. Their heads popped up, alarmed. They stood up as soon as they saw Pearl dash in with utter concern on her face. Connie was on the couch when Steven blew past her, and she stood up as well. The door wasn't open as he came in, and he started to hyperventilate. A cold sweat reached his forehead as he awaited for the door to open.

"Steven? What's going on?" Connie asked.

Turning around and seeing the cut on his cheek, Connie, Amethyst and Garnet gasped.

"Steven!" The three shrieked.

"What happened?" Garnet asked. She looked at Pearl, who had a little guilty look in her eye. "You did that to him? Why would you hurt him even more?!"

"I meant no harm- it wasn't my intention!" Pearl defended herself quickly. "I wasn't the only one that hurt him!"

"And you two worried I would hurt him like that!" Amethyst growled. "I can't believe you guys!"

"This isn't about you, Amethyst!" Garnet spat, her lips snarled. "Not everything is about you!"

"You're telling me that? Tell that to miss **_'I-miss-Rose-so-much'_** over there!" Amethyst barked, pointing at Pearl. "Watch who you're talking to!"

"I have every reason to miss her! Keep your runty mouth shut!" Pearl snapped. "It's not like I'm the only one that misses her!"

The three Gem warriors bickered at each other so quickly, it scared Steven. They had turned on each other in just a matter of seconds. Tears spurt out from the corners of his eyes, some falling into his cut. Steven then became angry, and he scrunched up his face. The Gems arguing is a part of what made this all happen in the first place. He wasn't going to let them claw at each other for no mere reason.

"Stop it!" Steven yelled loudly. The Gems and Connie all looked at him with doe eyes. "I-I can't-" Steven growled so lowly, it frightened them. "You guys fighting is something that made all of this happen! Can't you see that? Can't you just-"

Rose's door opened, and the rest of his tears flowed out. Dripping down from the bottom of his chin, the tears landed onto one of the Gems' pillows they had set down on the floor just last night. Connie took a step towards Steven, and he took a step back. He didn't know if he should let her come in with him again or if he should try to get her to go home so that he could sort this out for himself. She was in more deeper than she could comprehend. Knowing her, Steven raised his hand out to her, knowing she wouldn't leave. She took it and they both darted into the room. Before it shut, he looked at them with such forlorn eyes.

"Work it out with each other. If you can't, then I don't see how we can work it out with each other. You guys literally just attacked each other within a matter of seconds. If that happens when we try to work it out, I don't know if we really can. I don't know if I'll ever really feel like you guys want me here." Steven wiped away the dry stream on his cheek, looking down. "Just," Steven sighed. "Try, at least."

* * *

The door shut. Steven didn't order the room to make another portal. He didn't want to look on the other side at all. He was nerve-wrecked more than ever. His safe haven was at the other side. Rose's room was just somewhere he didn't have to face his problems in person. Connie was speechless. She knew the situation was bad, but she didn't know it was going to go more downhill from here. Steven fell on his butt, his head in his hands. He started to let out his sobs, and he violently shook. Connie sat beside him, rubbing circles on his back. She whispered sweet nothing to him and cooed to him.

"Connie, I don't know if you can stick around with how bad this is getting... I feel like th-this is gonna get you to where I am right now, and I r-really d-don't want that t-to h-happen to you," Steven choked. "Y-you're my best friend, and I d-don't w-want this to h-happen to you."

"Steven, I'm here for you no matter what. Don't worry about me-"

"Stop saying that," Steven whispered. "I do worry about you. I care about you. I want you to have the best in life, and sometimes... sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough to be your friend."

"Steven, don't say that. You were my first friend ever and you're my best friend. I used to be scared to talk to people and didn't do much but now- now I'm a good sword fighter and I'm brave and I feel so much pride in myself! You changed me for the better, and I don't know how I could ever repay you for that. Helping you is the least I can do for what you've done for me."

_'Cool thing is that there's someone out there that'll have your back.'_

Steven remembered Petey's words and took it to heart as he looked at Connie. She reached up to wipe away Steven's tears away with her thumb, giving him a soft smile. Steven pulled Connie into his embrace. She immediately hugged him back as Steven trembled in her embrace. She let him hold her until he was ready to let go, and she honestly didn't mind how long it would take. Eventually Steven pulled away, and he noticed that Connie looked tired. He stood up and took her hand, helping her to the bed he had wished up last night. It was still there, surprisingly. He helped her on the bed and tucked her in, watching as she quickly fell asleep.

"Steven?" Connie mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Turn off my alarm, please?"

Steven chuckled. "Sure." He grabbed her phone and turned off the alarms, sliding it back under her pillow. "Good night, Connie."

"Night, Steven," Connie yawned quietly, quickly slipping into slumber.

* * *

Steven sat awake, wondering exactly what he was looking for throughout the day. He wondered every single thing possible, and then it hit him.

**He didn't enjoy the things he used to like.**

He didn't have fun exercising with Garnet, he didn't have fun eating with Amethyst and watching some of his favorite shows, he didn't have fun playing in the arcade or talking to Sadie and eating donuts, and he didn't have fun practicing with Pearl at all. He wasn't enjoying the things in life he'd come to love, and that upset him. Why didn't he like them anymore? He didn't know this, but it was a part of becoming this upset. Steven knew that he would lose interest in everything he'd enjoyed and all that he participated in, and he knew there wasn't much he could do to prevent it. He would have to witness himself distancing himself from the things that used to bring him joy and would have to witness the looks on other people's faces when he did.

_'Oh, man, I was right earlier. I'm stopping to like what I used to like. Why am I even alive right now if the things I like aren't gonna mean anything to me anymore? Why am I letting myself suffer like this?'_

Steven looked down at his Gem, looking at the little reflection it provided.

"Mom, you shouldn't have given up your form for me. That was a big mistake."

_'You're going to be something extraordinary.'_

Rose's words repeated and bounced around in his head, like it was mocking him in spite. He sniffled, a tear dropping onto his Gem.

"I'm not extraordinary like you thought I would be, Mom. I'm nothing."


	15. Losing Control | Help's Arrived: Greg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts
> 
> **I advise a trigger warning for this chapter**

No matter how tired Steven was, he could never get enough sleep to satisfy him in the tiniest bit. He was lucky if he could get any sleep at all. He tried playing games to get himself tired. He tried tiring himself out by doing some exercises. He even tried making himself go to sleep by shutting his eyes for a full hour. Nothing was helping. Zip. None. Nada.

Steven didn't even bother to check the time; he felt like he knew it was super late, late enough for it to be rising hours, and that there was no use to trying to sleep now. He just awaited for Connie to awaken. He had been able to hear some of what Connie discussed with her mom about staying at the Temple two days ago. This morning marked day three.

* * *

The Gems all contemplated ways to fix their situation. Steven made it clear: he wouldn't deal with them until they worked out their own problems.

After Steven had shut them out for the second time the previous day, they felt immediate remorse for turning on each other so easily. They forgot their bickering was a factor to all this happening, yet their blind rage towards themselves and each other got the best of them.

Garnet had sat herself on the couch, not taking her eyes off of her feet as her mind was in an avalanche. Amethyst laid in Steven's bed, not thinking about anything but how much she missed her little friend that she could be herself around with and not feel as if she was being judged. Pearl sat in front of Rose's door, a slither of hope inside her distracting her from the situation that needed to be settled. Ever since Steven locked himself in the room again, they didn't say a word to each other.

Garnet was the one that broke the silence. She stood up abruptly, gaining the attention of the other two Gem warriors.

"Alright. How are we going to fix the problem between us?"

Amethyst and Pearl didn't reply, their glances elsewhere. Garnet clenched her fists so tightly, the fabric on her finger was scratched through. She stomped as if out of instinct and grabbed the two's attention again, this time shocked expression on their faces.

"I will not abide to this silence! You two are acting immature. I know we're all feeling not like ourselves but if we want to help Steven, we have to help ourselves! You heard him! He will not speak to us until we resolve our conflict."

Pearl's throat itched. She'd seen Garnet angry before, but there was something about this time that got her attention. Garnet's voice had cracked a bit. It wasn't easy to detect, but Pearl picked it up. She could now tell how serious she was about getting to make contact with Steven again.

Amethyst stood up and groaned a bit lowly, getting their attention. "You just wanna fix all this so you don't feel bad or whatever."

Garnet let out a snide laugh. "Sounds like you're describing yourself."

Amethyst had never received such abhor from Garnet. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's _wrong_? Clearly you haven't been paying much attention, but that's no surprise!"

Pearl stepped in. She was frightened, but she was not about to let Garnet start insulting Amethyst out of sheer anger. "Garnet, control yourself! Where is this coming from?"

Garnet reached up her hands and pressed them tightly on her head. The avalanche in her mind was getting louder and much more violent. She let out a loud growl, and two loud thuds reached the floor and shook it as well. The avalanche concluded. Amethyst and Pearl widened their eyes, blown away at the sight.

The hothead, leaving a trail of burned footsteps behind her, stepped up to Amethyst, roughly pressing her finger into her skin.

"You got some nerve, Amethyst!" Ruby growled, her amok behavior beginning.

"Ruby!" Sapphire shrieked as Ruby's touch scalded Amethyst a bit. "Try to calm down!"

Ruby turned and a sinister yet sad smile reached her face. "Calm down? I tried, Sapphire. I tried real hard. I tried to keep all my anger under control. Guess I was pretty stupid to think that I could, huh?" Ruby let out a sardonic laugh, hot tears forming in her eyes. "I couldn't even keep my own word. I'm so pathetic! But what's more pathetic is that these two act like they don't care!"

Amethyst grit her teeth, stepping up to Ruby. "Listen. We do care! We just don't know what to do! Can you tell me that you have any idea how to fix this? We haven't ever dealt with this before! This is new!"

Ruby's face was an inch away from Amethyst's. "Oh, so like always, Sapphire and I gotta do everything? What a shock!" Ruby pushed Amethyst away from her space. "Why don't you do something for once?"

"Ruby! You're acting out of anger, stop this!" Sapphire cried. Ice started forming under her.

"I know well enough that you're ticked about all of this, yet you're doing nothing!"

Sapphire shrank back a bit, but then drew in a breath. "Calm yourself down."

"I have every right to be angry, and so do you! But I have to do everything, don't I?!"

Sapphire sucked in a breath, pursing her lips. Her posture became stiff. "You're going to regret that."

"Alright, that's enough for you two," Pearl said, trying to hide the quivering in her voice. "We're not going to solve anything like this."

"You should stop acting like you know everything, yanno?" Ruby spat.

"Ruby." Sapphire hissed. "Stop. They're just trying to help."

Ruby decided to step down, just for the moment. She crossed her arms over her chest, tapping her foot.

Pearl sat down on the couch, her head tilted down. "We're sorry. We should be respecting you two more. You do everything you can to ensure that we're all okay. You became a little sidetracked, there's no shame in that. It happens to the best of us."

Ruby ceased her foot tapping, and her nerves started to fade a bit at Pearl's words. Sapphire noticed this, and she felt a slimmer of hope rising in her. An added bonus was hearing Pearl say all these things.

"I know you two have to act like the bigger Gem around here all the time, and that is appreciated. I'm sorry if you feel at times that we take advantage of that."

Amethyst let out a little 'hmph', grabbing all their attention.

"What was that, Amethyst?" Pearl asked.

"Nothin'."

Ruby let out a chuckle. "Like always."

"Alright, look. Yeah, it sounds like you two have to put up with a lot. But insulting us or making us feel small when you're mad doesn't make us instantly respect you or whatever, if that's what you think it does. So, yeah, sorry for being a pain, but you saying stuff like that isn't gonna help."

Ruby was quiet for a moment. She sighed, unfolding her arms. "O-okay. L-look, I'm sorry. It's just- it gets the best of me sometimes. All this pressure, and having to try to be as good as Rose was- it just gets to me- us- sometimes. It's just... stressful sometimes."

Amethyst's tension dwindled. "I'm sorry."

Ruby's heat stopped radiating off of her. "Me too."

Pearl and Sapphire exchanged relieved looks at one another.

Ruby turned to Sapphire. "I'm sorry, Sapphy."

Sapphire stifled a chuckle. Ruby blushed a bit, unsure of how to respond. Sapphire grabbed her hand.

"Don't call yourself stupid," Sapphire replied, pecking Ruby's cheek. A little whoosh of steam came out of Ruby's cheek, making Sapphire titter.

Pearl and Amethyst glimpsed away for a moment, letting the two "resolve their situation." Pearl cleared her throat, getting the two's attention.

"So, now that that's settled, what should we do about Steven?"

* * *

Connie stirred a bit. Steven guessed it was morning hours, maybe around 9 am. Connie let out a little yawn, and Steven slipped out a little "awh!" Connie turned, and her face flushed.

"Steven-! You're awake?"

"Yeah, I've been awake."

"How long?"

Steven had to look away. He couldn't lie to Connie if he was looking her in the eye.

"Eh, about like, 6 am."

"Woah, that's early. What time did you sleep?"

"About like 10, I think. How did you sleep?"

Connie smiled. "Cloud beds are comfortable."

Steven chuckled. He looked down, then looked back up. "So, Co-"

"I'm gonna grab us some food. Do you want anything?" Connie saw Steven's eyes a bit wide. "Sorry, were you going to say something, Steven?"

Steven decided to hold back his statement. He shook his head to both questions. He had slowly lost his appetite, and now he was not even a tad hungry.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. You go ahead, though. I'll be in here."

Connie rubbed her arm nervously. "You're not going back out there at all?"

"Nope."

"When will you?"

"When they make up." Steven looked down and mumbled lowly, " _If_ they make up."

Connie nodded. She thought Steven getting out of the room was an improvement, but it proved to be more of a huge step back. She climbed off the bed, going to Steven's side. Steven calmed himself down enough to make the door open for her, and it quickly shut behind her. She saw a bright light in the middle of the room, and when it descended, Garnet revealed. The three Gem warriors were glad she hadn't come out earlier.

"Connie," Garnet said, a little smile on her face. "How was your sleep?"

Connie smiled nervously. "Fine... are you guys okay?"

The three smiled. "We made up," Amethyst replied. "We're all chill."

Connie's face lit up. "Th-that's great! Steven can come out now!" Connie was about to run back to the door when Pearl called for her. Connie stopped in her tracks. "Yeah?"

"What did you come out here for?"

"Oh, I came to eat. Is that okay?"

"Sure, go ahead," Amethyst replied. "Are you getting any for Steven?"

"No, he didn't want anything."

Garnet adjusted her shades. "Hm, that's not like him to turn down breakfast. He's always telling us how it's the most 'important meal of the day,' I don't see why he's not eating it."

Connie simply shrugged, thinking nothing of it. "Maybe he came out and got some when we were all asleep?"

Pearl shook her head. "No. He never came out."

"Maybe he'll be hungry later."

* * *

Connie scampered to the fridge, taking out some waffles and popping them in the toaster. After she prepared her breakfast, she headed back for Rose's door. She knocked lightly on it, and Steven let her in quickly. He shut it and watched as she sat in front of him. The wonderous smells of her breakfast reached his nose, but for some reason, the delicious smells had disgusted him instead of making him lust for some food.

Connie stabbed a fork in the waffles and ripped off a piece, holding her arm out to Steven. "Want a bite?"

Trying not to let the look of disgust display, Steven simply shook his head.

"Are you sure? You know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Connie replied.

"I'm okay, really. You go ahead. I'll eat later."

"If you insist," Connie said, taking her first bite of her breakfast. "So, have any dreams?"

"I feel like I did, but I forgot what it was about," Steven chuckled lightly, avoiding eye contact as he slipped out another lie. "What about you?"

"Oh, yeah, I had this really cool dream," Connie said, some food in her mouth. She covered her mouth with her hand, laughing a bit. "Sorry. Wanna hear about it?"

"Okay," Steven nodded. He leaned a bit towards her, his attention fully diverted on her.

Connie quickly finished chewing the food in her mouth before she began.

"Okay, so it was you and me; we were sitting on the hill where the moss springs. We were playing around and looking over Beach City, and Lion shows up, and he keeps nudging against you. You kept asking Lion what was his deal, so he scooped us up onto his back and he started running into Beach City. There were some Gem monsters- I know, weird- and we both jumped off Lion and we were fighting them!

"I looked at you and saw that you had some doubt in your eyes, but I told you, _'No matter what happens, at least we've got each other! We will win whenever the time is right!_ ' And you smiled at me, and you got that determined look in your eyes, and I was like, _'Yes!'_ So your shield appeared and you helped me jump into the air, and I slid your mom's sword out of its sheath and sliced the Gem monster! Like no matter the odds, we didn't give up, especially you when you're determined."

Steven's eyes were glazed a bit, and stars appeared in his eyes. Connie noticed this and felt her cheeks warm up.

"I-I know, it's weird," Connie giggled softly. "But it felt so real, and it was just so amazing."

"No, it's not weird," Steven replied in a whisper, a little smile tugged in a corner of his lips. "That sounds so awesome."

A comfortable silence filling the room, Steven and Connie had crimson-bright colored cheeks, and they exchanged tender looks to one another. Steven drew in a breath and adjusted himself so that he would be sitting more comfortably. Connie, feeling awkwardness settling in, started to eat her food again.

"So, yeah," Connie added, earning a laugh from Steven. "Do you have anything in mind you want to do?"

Steven really didn't feel like ruining their shared, special moment. "What do you wanna do?"

"What do _you_ want to do?" Connie replied. Steven's eyes bulged, and he jumped to his feet. Mid-bite, Connie raised a brow. "What's wrong, Steven?"

Steven remembered the last time he heard those words. It was from the room-made Connie.

* * *

 

_"What do you want to do?" The copy of Connie would ask whenever he asked her a question. "What do you think we should do?"_

* * *

 

Steven's breathing became rapid. Connie stood up, concerned.

"Steven, what's wrong?"

"You're not a copy of Connie, are you?" Steven asked, his voice raised an octave.

"What- no! I've been me the whole time, Steven. It's me, really." Connie reached out towards him. Steven flinched a bit, and she frowned. "Steven, it's really me. There's no copies of me. You haven't wished anything at all today. _It's me_."

Steven's eyes sulked as he eventually accepted this, and guilt washed over him. He shifted his weight. "I-I'm sorry, Connie."

"Don't do that."

Confused, Steven averted his eyesight to her. "Do what?"

"Don't give me that guilty look. I know that reminded you of the first time whenever we were in here. It's okay. I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

"It's not your fault, you didn't know." Steven rubbed his head. "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little bit on edge."

Connie observed him. "Did you get enough sleep to satisfy yourself?" Connie asked.

Steven tensed a bit and looked away. "Yeah," Steven replied.

Connie sighed a bit. _'Avoidance of eye contact, tension- signs of a fib.'_ "Steven, why are you lying to me?"

Steven felt a cold sweat coming on, and knowing he'd been caught caused him to shiver with culpability.

"Steven," Connie pressed. "You didn't get enough sleep."

Steven didn't move.

"You only took a nap?"

Nothing.

Connie's shoulders sulked. "You didn't sleep."

Steven shook his head slowly.

"You should try going to sleep, then," Connie suggested. "You didn't have to lie to me about not sleeping. If you need help with sleeping, I can stay up long enough until you do fall asleep. I am here for you."

Steven felt a rush inside him. "It's not as easy as you're making it sound like, though," Steven said softly, looking down at his feet. He felt a pinch in his chest. Something wrong was going to happen.

"You've stayed up long enough to be a little tired, haven't you?" Connie questioned. "Just go on the cloud bed and take a little nap."

Steven struggled to find the words. Connie took his hand and started leading him towards the cloud bed. She was about to help him onto it when he stepped away from her, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Steven?"

"All of this- it's not easy!"

Connie frowned. "Steven, I know that. I want to-"

"I know you want to help, but I don't think you can!" Steven cried, his voice cracking a bit under the pressure he was putting on himself. "It's all so hard. Feeling like the ones that care about you are constantly against you, feeling like you're not good enough, feeling like you have to depend on a tub- of all places- to find some relaxation or happiness- I needed a safe haven, and when that was taken away, I felt like the world was laughing at me. Whenever I get mad at someone, I feel really bad but I can't hold it in anymore and- nothing I do is right.

"I don't feel like sleeping. When I do sleep, I don't feel like waking up. I don't wanna eat anymore. The smells of food gross me out. Whenever I'm out of this room, I get a crushing feeling. When I'm in this room, nothing really gets better. I want to be in the tub, but it's out there. If I poofed one in here, it won't help me, 'cause I know it's not the real one."

Connie had tears in her eyes. He made it feel like everything he tried to do right was hopeless. She didn't know how much all of this had so badly escalated for him. But she was still determined to help him in any way she could.

"Steven-,"

"Connie, what did you tell your mom?" Steven asked.

"That I'd be staying here with you."

"For how long."

Connie realized his point. "Three days."

"What's today?"

"The third day." Connie was deeply hoping there was someway she could convince him to let her stay. "Steven, I-"

"Your mom is probably waiting for you. You should go home. Get a breather from me. I know what I just said isn't making it easier on you. I don't want to say or do anything else wrong. I wish you could help me, but right now, I want to help you. And to help you, you need to go."

"Steven, please," Connie pleaded. A shimmer of light appeared, and her tears finally cascaded down her face.

* * *

"Okay, I got the food ready!" Amethyst said, eyeing all the foods on the table in front of the couch. "He can't resist his favorite foods."

"I've got the TV turned to Crying Breakfast Friends!" Pearl said after.

"I've got a towel for him," Garnet replied. "All warm and fresh out of the dryer, ready for his shower."

"Now we wait until he comes out," Pearl said, a smile on her face. "Maybe today will be the day! Maybe Steven will-"

Pearl stopped mid-sentence and looked longingly at the opened door of Rose's room along with Garnet and Amethyst. All three had looks of anticipation on their faces. Pearl's hope vanished when she saw Connie walking out of the room, tears streaming down her face. Steven shut the door, and Connie slid down against it with her back, planting her head in her hands. Amethyst shook her head and walked over to Connie, bending down to her.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Amethyst asked in a whisper. "What happened?"

"I have to back home today," Connie replied hoarsely. "I thought I could help him a bit. I feel like I did nothing."

"You did the best you could," Amethyst replied. "Steven wouldn't want you feeling like this. He doesn't want you thinking it's your fault at all."

* * *

Steven had his back against where the door would be, hearing the conversation between Amethyst and Connie on the other side of the door.

"...he doesn't want you thinking it's your fault at all."

Connie sniffled harshly. "I don't know who's in there. That's not the Steven I know."

Steven sucked in a breath. Tears were forming in his eyes.

"And I feel like I made any chances of him getting better worse just by trying to help."

Steven shook his head and turned around, his knees on the ground. He pressed his hands against the invisible door.

"I gotta go."

"Go where?" Amethyst asked.

"Go anywhere but here. To help Steven." Connie stood up and roughly wiped the tears away. "I guess me not being here is a way he'll get better."

Steven pressed his forehead against the invisible door. _'No,'_ he thought to himself. _'No, I just don't want you around me because I don't want you feeling any worse!'_ Steven heard her footsteps fade away and heard a slam from the screen door. He winced and let himself sob. _'Gosh, everything I try to do right ends up wrong. I just made my best friend hate me. Way to go, me, way to go! Made another person I care about feel like it's all their fault when it's not. Why can't I do anything right?!'_

Steven started shouting into the room. He banged his fists against the door.

Hearing banging against the door, the Gems rushed to Rose's door. They pressed their ears against it.

"Can someone tell me what I can do to do stuff right?!" Steven cried out, his voice raspy. "I need help! I can't handle all of this anymore!"

The Gems exchanged looks. They all hurried out the door, determined to bring the one all on their mind to the temple. They desperately needed help.

* * *

It was now about dusk outside. The sun was almost out of view, and the orange-pink sky was beginning to turn a dark blue. Dozing off in the back, with a slice of pizza in hand, he was startled when his doors were swung open. Three figures appeared in front of him. The sunlight blocked his view of their faces. He yelped, scooting back more into the space.

"Ahh! Don't hurt me, I was just sleeping!"

"Greg, we're not here to hurt you," Garnet spoke, her face now in view. "We need your help, immediately."

Greg shot up. "What's the matter?"

Pearl reached her hand out. Her eyes expressed great alarm, and this frightened Greg. He shook his head.

"Greg," Amethyst spoke. "It's Steven."

* * *

Rushing up the flight of stairs, Greg winded past the Gems. All sorts of thoughts popped into his mind. His main focus right at the moment was if Steven was alive, at least. He barged inside the beach house, his eyes frantically searching for Steven. The Gems right behind him, he turned and opened his mouth to ask, but Garnet stopped him.

"Steven's in Rose's room."

Greg sighed, relieved. He became confused. "Wait, why do you need me, then? Is he in there with Connie or something?"

"No. Greg, we fear he's depressed."

"Depressed? How did this happen?"

"We are to take blame. We made him feel this way, and we didn't even pay enough attention to him to notice what we were doing."

"I'm sure you guys can work it out, though. Have you called Connie?"

Amethyst nodded awkwardly. "She just left. And she was crying."

Greg let out a little sad sound. "Oh boy. It's bad, I'm guessing."

"You're always giving him words that encourage him and that lift his spirits. We were hoping maybe you could help."

Greg nodded. He walked over to the door, tapping on it lightly. "Shtu?"

Steven lightly raised his head, sniffling. "Dad?"

"Steven. Hey, bud."

"Wh-what a-are y-you doing h-here?"

"The Gems brought me here- I came to see how you were doing. What are you feeling right now?"

Steven opened the door, his eyes puffy and pink on sight. Greg felt his eyes grow a bit wet, just seeing his son so upset.

"Huggy," Steven whimpered.

Greg chuckled sadly, bending down and letting Steven jump in his arms. Steven embraced Greg tightly, his eyes shut tight. He opened his eyes and looked at the Gems. He mouthed 'thank you' to them before Greg walked inside the room. The door shut, and the Gems were left with a little ray of hope. They were heavily hoping that Greg could lift Steven's spirits in any fraction. Anything could help, and hopefully it would go into effect.

* * *

"What's going on, son?" Greg asked as Steven let out another whimper and shook violently. Greg extended his arms just enough so that he could see Steven's face. "You wanna talk about it?"

For once, Steven did. He nodded, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. They sat on the cloud bed, which Greg was hesitant about.

"It's okay, it won't disappear if you touch it," Steven chuckled.

"Okay, good," Greg replied with a small smile. "Alright, bud. Whenever you're-"

"It's the same problem. I know the Gems miss Mom, and I get that. They have the right to. But I didn't tell you this before; I heard them say things that really sound like they wished Mom was here instead of me. And that really... sucked. Then their fighting got worse, and I..." Steven hesitated, wondering if his dad could take it. He could handle some things well, but other stuff not so much. He decided to just say it. "The tub was the one place I felt comfortable in when everything was getting out of control."

"Your safe haven."

Steven blinked in surprise. "Yeah. Well, I decided to take a shower one day, and I sat on the floor. I was playing around a lot that day, and I fell asleep in the tub while the water was still on. Garnet and Pearl found me sleeping in there, and they said the water was really close to my mouth." Steven stopped when he heard Greg suck in a breath. He continued. "The Gems said we should have a slumber party, so we did, and when Pearl and Amethyst were sleeping, I got tired. Garnet told me that she basically couldn't trust me since I let that happen, but I didn't mean it, and she said that they'd have to watch me whenever I go into the bathroom."

"Your safe haven was taken away."

Steven nodded. "Yeah. I went to hang out with some of my friends and Connie and I thought I was gonna have fun, but I didn't have as much fun as I thought I would. Then I knew that I was starting to not like the things that made me happy anymore. Like it never mattered to me. And whenever all of this started to happen, I was having dreams of the Gems telling me I was worthless or stuff like that and that they wished I wasn't born.

"I took a shower because I didn't wanna be away from the shower anymore and the Gems were kinda mad. Garnet started yelling at me and then I finally yelled back and told them everything I was feeling. Then I went into the room and they called Connie. I wanted her to help but I felt like if she came near me I'd make her sad, and I did. I made her go home so that I wouldn't make her any sadder, but when she walked out the door, she started crying.

"I'm doing everything wrong, Dad. How do I start doing things right?"

Greg became quiet. He pondered on how to respond. Steven anxiously awaited his response.

"Dad?"

"Okay. Steven, you remember when you told me you wanted the Gems to talk to you, but they wouldn't?"

"Yeah."

"Did you talk to Connie when she tried being there to help?"

"I told her if I was feeling bad or not because she told me to, but then..." Steven stopped, getting the point. "I eventually stopped."

"Shtu, bottling things up isn't good for ya. It makes you overthink a lot and it makes you push the people you care about away."

Steven sighed. "Connie probably hates me."

"She doesn't."

"How do you know that? I made her cry. How can she not?"

"She feels like she can't help you, and that's such an overwhelming emotion. She thinks no matter how hard she tries, she can't help, and it's a really tough thing to feel."

"I didn't mean to make her feel that way."

"I know you didn't, buddy. But this stuff isn't easy. There's gonna be some bumps in the road. You don't go in the dirt that have stuff that can pop your tires or in mud that can get your car stuck; you drive through them and you eventually you go back to the smooth road. You gotta ride it out."

"It's hard."

"I know. But there's people that will help you out."

Steven sighed, leaning against Greg. "Will this feeling ever go away?"

"Honestly?" Steven nodded. "Not really. Once you start feeling this stuff, you'll think about it sometimes, even when you do get better. Self-doubt is always there, waiting to getcha. But you can't let it get to ya, bud. We're here for you."

Steven nodded again. He started thinking on how to resolve all of this, and he looked up at Greg. Greg was scanning the room, marveling at the beauty. A new thought popped into Steven's head: how much did his dad miss Rose?

"Dad? Do you miss Mom?" Steven asked.

Greg nodded. "Yeah, buddy."

"A lot?"

"Yeah."

Steven rubbed his arm. "Do you wish she was here, instead of me?"

Greg jumped at the question. "Steven, no. Don't think that."

"Sorry."

"Listen, buddy. I miss your Mom. I loved her. But I do not regret having you. Your mom and I couldn't wait for you to be born. We both knew she was going to be gone when you would be born, but we were okay with that. We really wanted you to experience life and have a great time. Before you were born, she was crying. I asked her, 'Does it hurt?' Your mom laughed and nodded.

"She told me, 'Steven is fussy. I like that- he'll get that from me. And from you, your wisdom.' I kinda teared up, 'cause we both knew I was afraid that I wasn't gonna be enough for ya. She grabbed my hand and told me, 'Don't be scared. You'll be a great father. Steven will love you.' You were starting to become born, and she asked me something before you were born."

"What'd she ask?" Steven questioned.

"She asked me, 'Greg, make sure that he has an extraordinary life. Can you tell him about me? Can you make him feel important and happy? I want the best for our little Steven.' I said yes, that I'd do all I could to make sure you would have a great life. She corrected me and said, 'An extraordinary life, Greg. Steven deserves all of the best. I love you, and tell Steven I love him.'

"Then you were in my arms, and you were babbling and squirming around. I smiled real big and I started rocking you. Your mom's gem was on your stomach, and it glimmered. I said to you, 'Steven, you are going to have an extraordinary life.' You were one of the best things that ever happened to me and to your mom. She wanted the best for you. She loves you."

Steven smiled softly, looking down at his gem. His face reflected onto it, and he rubbed it with his finger. "Why did she release herself from her physical form?"

"Because, she wanted you to live. She wanted you to experience all the wonders she had experienced. She wanted your life to be an adventure."

"Wow. I really wish I could meet Mom."

"She really wanted that too, buddy. She made you a video saying that you two couldn't, but she wanted you to know what she looked like and how her and I were when she was pregnant with you."

"I saw it," Steven replied. "I really liked that video."

"Then you know, buddy. We all want you to have the most extraordinary life you can. But you're the only person that can hold you back from your own happiness. Do you want to do that?"

"No. I want things to go back to the way they were."

"Then you gotta start with you, kiddo."


	16. Finding a Push

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts
> 
> **I advise a trigger warning for this chapter**

After waking up from napping on Greg's side, Steven politely and quietly asked if Greg could give him the room alone. Greg was a bit hesitant, but he felt obliged to let his son have some thinking time. Greg picked up Steven and gave him a tight squeeze, and planted a firm kiss on the side of Steven's head.

"Dad," Steven chuckled, liking the new found affection.

"Sorry, kiddo. I'll get going now. You just be careful, okay?" Greg headed for where the door would be.

"I'll try, Dad."

Greg wasn't all the way satisfied with his son's answer, but knowing Steven, he would actually try, so it brought him some comfort. Greg nodded as Steven's gem glowed, opening the door for him to exit.

"I love ya, Shtuball."

Steven smiled bashfully, a little tear trailing down his cheek. "I love you too, Dad. I'll see you later?"

"Whenever you're up for it."

* * *

Having no one in the room, Steven felt some comfort linger inside him. He was a bit upset that solitude brought him comfort, but he couldn't really help it.

_'Then you gotta start with you, kiddo.'_

Steven pondered on his dad's words. How could he start with himself if he was the root of the whole problem? Him simply existing was the whole reason why all of this happened. Starting with himself was going to prove to be difficult, and just thinking about it made him grow weary and tired. Steven found himself positioning himself on the bed until he lay comfortably, and his eyes fluttered shut. Just in what seemed like a nanosecond, he fell asleep.

* * *

_Steven felt a strong rumble, and he fell to his knees. He slowly got up and finally looked up, a little gasp escaping his lips. Steven found himself back to where he and Lapis had been interrupted when he awoke the first time. The ground shook once again, and suddenly he fell in the water. He kicked his legs and started swimming for Lapis when he spotted her._

_"Lapis!"_

_Lapis turned her head, her eyes a bit wide. "Steven?"_

_"Lapis, are you okay?"_

_"I've got a hold of her for now."_

_"Are you sure? Should I leave?"_

_"It's not ideal here, but you're in my mindscape. Maybe there's a reason, I guess?" Lapis lost some balance as Jasper struggled underneath, but she managed to gain back control. "Even though it's really dangerous for you to be here, I guess you'll keep coming back until you figure something out."_

_"Lapis, what were you saying last time?"_

_"Do you still have those negative feelings?"_

_"No- why does that matter? I'm worried about you!"_

_"I've got this under control for now, Steven."_

_"For now? I-Is that good enough? Is Jasper-"_

_"Steven, remember what I was trying to tell you last time?"_

_"Why? That's not important. We've gotta find a way to make sure you keep the upper-"_

_"What I tried to tell you last time, was that you're important, Steven. You need to focus on feeling better!"_

_"Lapis, we gotta-"_

_"Listen, I can faintly hear one of your thoughts. Who said 'you gotta start with you'?"_

_"My dad did, but, but I-"_

_"Nothing's going to change until you make things happen."_

_"But it's gonna be so hard! I feel like I can't control anything-"_

_"Some things are beyond our control, Steven--"_

_"If I can't even control what I should be able to control, I don't think I should be alive-"_

_"You do. Even though it might not seem like it now."_

_"How do you know that's true?"_

_"You showed me."_

_"I did?"_

_Another strong shaking occured, making Lapis fall on her torso. She quickly regained herself and got up on her knees, using her upper strength to hold the chains. She growled, yanking on her side of the chains with such brute force that the shaking stopped for a moment. She looked at Steven. She gave him a look, and he knew her words were true; she had the look of someone who was once lost, just as he was now._

_"Steven, I was lost. I thought no one cared about me the whole time I was in that mirror. When you set me free, you changed my perspective. Even though I was feeling betrayed-- just in the short amount of time of meeting you, you made me feel hope._ _But we all need a push to notice our self-worth sometimes. You gave me that push, and you-" the shaking came back. Water started flooding over their heads, and Steven panicked. He couldn't leave without hearing all of what she had to say. He trudged through the strong, cascading water and found her again. He was about to speak when Lapis yelled, "you need to find your push. Now go!"_

* * *

Steven woke up, gasping loudly. He breathed heavily and looked around, then reached up to feel his head. He felt some dampness on his forehead and started to calm down. He pulled out his phone and looked at the time. He was a bit surprised at how much time had passed. He couldn't go back to sleep but he didn't want to get out of bed, so he stayed laying on the cloud bed. Then Steven started wondering how Connie was doing- if she was really mad at him, if she was okay- he couldn't possibly know, but he wanted to know if she was okay. He wanted to call her and see how she was doing, but he felt he would upset her more. Instead, he lay there, letting his guilt eat away at him.

* * *

Connie had climbed into her mom's car the third day. She had managed to wipe away her tears and make a convincing story that her eyes were puffy because she had just woken up. Her mom was a bit puzzled, but chose to leave it at that. She turned on the engine and started driving home.

Ever since Connie had started hanging out with Steven, she became more outgoing and expressive. Noticing that her daughter was quiet, Mrs. Maheswaran cleared her throat.

"How was Steven's?" She asked.

Connie looked out the window to avoid eye contact. "It was... an experience."

"Did his guardians argue in front of you? They ought to know better-"

"No," Connie replied quickly. "Steven's just really down. I thought he was getting better yesterday, but instead he got more upset."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Connie. Maybe he'll get better soon with some alone time."

Connie grew a bit defensive. "You're saying that because I'm not there, he'll get better now?"

Mrs. Maheswaran pushed the brake a little too hard. The two jolted as she stopped at a stop sign. "No, that's not what I meant at all. Sometimes people need to be alone and think so they can realize some ways to fix the problem. I'm sure you gave some help to him."

Connie sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, Mom."

"It's okay. Sometimes, helping can put a stretch on people."

"Is that bad? I mean, feeling a bit tired trying to help someone?"

"Not necessarily. It means you care and that you're trying all you can to help. You might feel bad for feeling like so, but you have to realize you're putting forth a lot of your energy to help, and that's okay. We all need a break at times, and there's no shame in that."

Connie nodded. "Do you have work today?"

"Mm, I have it later on today. Will you be okay home alone?"

Connie tapped her chin. "Actually, can I hang out with my new friends?"

"If you are going to, be home by 8:30 pm."

"Okay. Thanks, Mom. I love you."

Mrs. Maheswaran smiled a bit, turning into the parking lot of her home. "I love you too."

* * *

Connie twiddled her fingers as she stared at the ID displaying on her phone screen. She was debating whether to just dial Jenny's number or to not bother her. Jenny had pulled Connie aside before they set off to drop her off home the day they all hung out together. Jenny had shortly grown fawn over Connie.

Connie shut her eyes tight and pressed the 'dial' button, her nerves on edge as she heard the trilling ring.

"Hello?"

Connie let out a little gasp. "Uhm, h-hi!" Connie managed to say.

"Hey, Connie, what's up?"

"I-I was wondering if we could hang out today," Connie mumbled, curling a strand of her hair with her finger nervously. "But if you totally don't want to, th-that's fine!"

"Well, it'll be just you and me; Bucky's dad is making him help with some new project to promote his term and Sour Cream is sleepin' in, I guess. He won't pick up the phone. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Connie smiled.

"Is Steven coming with us?" Jenny asked.

Connie sighed a bit. "N-no. He's kinda... busy."

"Oh, well, alright. Don't forget to bring some snacks in case you get hungry! I'll be at yours in a little bit."

* * *

Connie smiled widely as she heard a honk from the front of her house. Mrs. Maheswaran raised a brow and saw Jenny in the pizza delivery car, with Jenny waving politely to her.

"I swear, teenagers and their car decor these days..." Mrs. Maheswaran said under her breath. "Be safe, Connie."

"I will, Mom," Connie said, planting a quick but firm kiss on her mom's cheek. She ran over to Jenny's car and hopped in, buckling in her seat belt. "Hey!"

"Heyyo, kiddo," Jenny rhymed, smiling a bit. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah!"

"Got any places in mind?"

"Nah," Connie replied. "Anywhere is fine."

Jenny nodded, a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "Open road it is."

The only sound that was provided was the tunes of the radio. Connie gazed at the scenery of the open road and tried her best to get as much hair out of her face as she could. Jenny was alright with silence, but this much silence meant something was on someone's mind. Jenny turned off the radio, getting Connie's attention.

"Something on your mind, I'm guessing?" Jenny asked.

"Uhm, I'm usually this quiet," Connie replied quickly. "Sorry."

"I know you're quiet. Steven told me that. But you were really chill the first time we hung out. Is it 'cause Steven's not here or something?"

"No," Connie replied, her face a bit red. "Steven is probably the last person I want to think about."

Jenny raised a brow in confusion. "Woah woah woah. What's going on?"

Connie looked out her side. "Steven is really... upset. He has family issues that are getting way outta hand, and it's really eating him up and making him feel like he shouldn't be alive."

"Is this about his three stepmoms missing his mom or something like that? He's told us about that before."

"Yeah," Connie said. "But it's gotten worse. He locked himself in his mom's old room and won't really leave. I stayed with him for three days but I think me just being there made it worse. I wanted to help, but I just made him feel more worse, I think. I didn't help at all."

"So you're mad at yourself mostly?"

Connie flushed. "K-kinda. I thought I could help him- he's helped me through a lot. He was my first real friend. He showed me it was okay to express myself. He helped me learn how to defend myself- I know how to use a sword! If he didn't come into my life, I wouldn't be here in this car with you. I'd talk myself out of it so quick and tell myself, 'Jenny's too cool to want to hang out with a loser like me.' But I know better than that now, and it's because Steven helped show me who I really am."

"I don't know if I can say I know where Steven's coming from, but I'm like, a girl who knows a thing or two about throwing fits when it comes to family. Steven probably really wants your help, but he doesn't know if you can help. So he pushed you away so that you wouldn't feel bad about not being able to, and because he doesn't want you to end up feeling like how he is. Sometimes, the only help we really need is our own. It's gonna be hard to hear, but you're gonna need to wait for him to feel at least better enough so that he'll let you be around him when he thinks he's okay enough to not bring you down."

"What if I can't wait that long?"

"Then you do the best you can do to help him while giving him some space. Text him or leave him voicemail's asking if he's okay."

"I did that before."

"Did it help at least a little bit?"

Connie pressed her lips together firmly and pulled out her phone. She pressed on Steven's number and began sliding her fingers across the keys.

* * *

The Gems insisted that Greg stay at least for the night just in case Steven wanted Greg. Greg agreed, wanting to provide any help he could. Greg found some food and started eating. Amethyst soon after began eating. Garnet placed herself on Steven's bed, her hand on her cheek as she paid no attention to the graphics on the television. She couldn't imagine what Steven's shows appealed to him, but she deeply wished that his cartoons could cheer him up now. Pearl placed herself next to Rose's door, like she had been.

Steven managed to take some naps as he never slithered out of bed. He was in the middle of one when his phone vibrated, waking him up. He turned slowly around and slid his phone out of his pocket, his eyes widening a bit in surprise as he saw the number. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his screen again just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He sat up and pressed on the message.

**Connie:** _'Hey. Are you okay? Text me if you need any help in any way.'_

Steven smiled softly at his screen, letting a tear fall down his cheek. She was talking to him. Despite the rudeness he displayed to her, she was still talking to him? Steven was sobbing, but with tears of joy. He was so happy he hadn't pushed away his best friend. If he had, he had no idea how he would pull through this. He couldn't imagine getting better if Connie wasn't by his side.

Steven unconsciously pressed the call button and lifted his phone to his ear.

* * *

Connie asked Jenny to pull over so that she could get some snacks. Connie jumped out of the car and ran into the little shop. She felt her phone vibrate and slid out her phone, a little smile on her face as Steven's face popped on the screen. She pressed the phone to her ear, and 'surprised' was far from what she was when she heard Steven's end of the line.

"Steven? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Steven was crying raw sobs so loudly into the phone, Connie couldn't hear his little giggles. He tried his best to make the tears stop, but he couldn't. The tears kept flowing, so instead of trying to get the tears to stop, he tried to calm down his gasping sob sounds. When he finally did, with Connie still on the line, he let out a long exhale, and then a little chuckle escaped his lips.

"Steven?"

"Connie, I'm so sorry."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you and make you freak out." Steven started laughing softly, rubbing his hand over his face. He was reminding himself of Greg whenever he was panicking inside but trying to keep cool on the outside. "Connie, I'm real sorry."

"Don't be sorry about crying, Steven."

"Not that... I didn't mean to be so rude to you, I just wanted you away so that I wouldn't make you end up like me, because you're so cool and stuff. I don't want you to be feeling like I am, and if me sending you away so you wouldn't feel like this made you feel upset anyways, I'm super sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm tryna do my best."

"I know you're trying. It's okay. I get it now. I'll give you your space, but I'm gonna check up on you. So today: are you okay?"

Steven sniffled and nodded a bit. "Today? I'm okay today. Honest. I'm okay."

Connie smiled. "That's good. That's really good to hear. I'm here if you need me, okay? Focus on you."

"I will. Bye, Connie. Have fun with Jenny."

Connie felt her face warm up. "How did you-?"

"Jenny sent me a picture just a few minutes ago of you in her car. Don't eat so much pizza today!" Steven giggled. "I'll talk to you later?"

"Yes. Definitely."

* * *

Steven tossed his phone on the cloud bed and finally swept his feet off of the bed. He hopped down, stretching cautiously, and started pacing around the cloud room. He pondered on how he would start with himself. He rubbed his chin, scratched his head, and looked up.

_'Connie said that I helped her find out who she really wanted to be today. So did Lapis. Lapis said I helped her discover who she really is, and Connie said that if I didn't meet her, she would have never gotten out of her comfort zone and become who she is today. They both started out a little shy and distant. I helped them.'_

_'Me just wanting to give Connie her pink glowing bracelet helped me make a new friend, who is now my best friend. Me talking to a mirror with its own conscious helped her escape and go home. Lapis is stuck at the bottom of the ocean, but that was her choice. I... helped her... I think.'_

_'Woah, Connie wanted control in her life too! And she got some! That's- that's awesome! But how did I help them with that? I just helped them figure it out... I helped two people, who are really important to me, figure out how to get their life in their hands, not let other people control it. I really did that?'_

_'If I can help people get control in their hands and find out what they want their lives to be like... if I can help people be happy... then... that's good. I'll do that. I'll help people become who they wanna be- to be happy with themselves. Everyone deserves to be happy. But that means me too. I like helping people. Mom liked helping people, too. Mom thought everyone was important... so... I'm... I'm important... right?'_

Steven's gem warmed up a bit. Steven glanced down at it and a beam of light flashed across it. Stars appeared in Steven's eyes, and he smiled. He rubbed his gem.

_'I am important- I do matter. I'm gonna have bad days, but everyone does. I gotta learn from those days and make sure next time, I can do something about it. I'm gonna try._ _Mom, I'ma try my best to make sure that I have a good life, because you gave yourself up for me. I'm gonna do this because you wanted me to have a great life- no, an extraordinary one. I'm gonna get better- for you, for my friends and family, for the protection of my home and- for me.'_

Steven, with a little smile on his face, strode slowly over to the door. He reached his hand out and took in a deep breath.

Rose's door opened. Greg's eyes were the first to gaze on Steven, and his smile made Steven feel a bit bashful. Amethyst raised her head and shot up, Pearl and Garnet quickly doing so as well. Steven waved weakly and stepped out of the room, unsure of what to do. He took in a deep breath and fully stepped out of Rose's room, flinching a bit as he heard the door shut.

"What'cha doin', kiddo?" Greg asked.

Steven lifted his head up and shot his dad a warm, tender smile.

"I'm gonna start with me."


	17. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

There was a silence between the four. Steven awkwardly darted his eyes to the Gems, and then around the beach house. The Gems didn't know what to do; if they did something, would it frighten Steven? Steven cleared his throat and took some steps forward. He looked at Greg, who was beaming at him. Steven coming out of the room might be something others would consider small, but it was a huge step to a better path; a boastful and challenging one, too. Steven couldn't help but to smile back at his smiling dad. Steven approached the closest Gem, which was Amethyst.

Steven stopped a few inches in front of her, and they both just stared at each other for a moment. He felt all eyes on him, and he was trying to find a sentence starter. He looked at the food in her hands, and his stomach made a low rumbling noise. He chuckled nervously as Amethyst's eyes widened a bit.

"C-can I have some?" Steven asked Amethyst.

Amethyst couldn't hold back her smile. "Yeah; I've been having trouble eating the food on my own."

Steven let out a little laugh, taking the bag of chips she was holding out to him. He approached Pearl next, who was sitting at the foot of his bed. He sat next to her, and noticed her tense posture. He knew she was beating herself up. He gently laid his hand on top of hers, making Pearl jump a bit from his gentle touch. She looked down at him, her eyes tender.

"Wanna watch some TV with me? I know you don't like it much, so we can watch whatever you wanna watch," Steven offered.

Pearl smiled wide. She wanted so much to hug him tightly right then and there, but she didn't want to make any rash moves. Instead she nodded.

"We can watch what you want; I know not having seen any of your shows must make you want to watch them."

"Yeah, it did, actually," Steven replied. He stood to go to turn on his TV, and stopped in front of Garnet. He looked up at her and saw that she was clutching something behind her back. "What's behind your back?"

Garnet let out a little grin. "Hold out your hands."

Steven glanced at his dad for reassurance. Greg nodded encouragingly. Steven slowly held out his hands, wanting to know what it was. Garnet placed a white, long cloth in his hands. He was confused at first, until he got what exactly she was doing. He looked up at her, a baffled look on his face.

"Are you sure...?" Steven asked.

"I can trust you enough to keep your hygiene in check," Garnet replied. "I shouldn't have said I couldn't trust you in your own bathroom. That was wrong of me, and I was making a rash decision. I was just frightened. But I know now that what happened was not your intention."

Steven became a bit teary-eyed. She was entrusting him to take a shower! Steven never thought he would think something like that, which made him chuckle a bit under his breath. He nodded merrily and scampered down the stairs, walking quickly to the bathroom. He closed the door, and a breath of great relief escaped his lips. He finally got to go in his safe haven! He removed his clothes and stepped into the tub, turning on the hot water.

He stood there, waiting to feel a wave of relaxation and security but... he wasn't feeling it. He was puzzled. He thought getting his safe haven back would have given him a boost of hope and of confidence, but he just felt himself being cleansed of the dirt and sweat and dried tear marks on him. He went about and showered, wondering why the feeling he got before wasn't coming to him. When the water went cold, he turned off the water and stepped out, starting to dry himself off.

_'Why didn't I feel... Why didn't anything happen like before?'_ Steven pondered as he began drying his hair. A realization came to him. _'Because I don't need it right now. I'm starting to get better, and I don't need my safe haven right now...'_  Steven smiled to himself in the mirror, tears swelling in his eyes. _'I... I really am starting to go on the path I wanna go on... on the path Mom wanted me to be on.'_ Steven wasn't entirely sure that this was what was happening, so he made a mental note to ask his dad whenever he had the time.

* * *

Wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes, Steven stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped tightly around his waist. He didn't even get to go back to get his dirty clothes before the Gems rushed up to him and engulfed him in a group hug. Steven let out a huff of breath as he was not prepared for the sudden hug. He let out another huff as he smiled, his eyes half-lidded as he saw the Gems' faces scrunched up with happy looks on their faces.

He managed to wrap his arms around them and returned the favor. He knew he was the one that was in a rough patch right now, but he knew that the three just needed a moment of comfort- - they had been waiting for him to come out while guilt was most likely eating them up.

The Gems would have let go by now, but when they didn't, Steven looked down at them. Their eyes were still closed, and he let out a bashful smile. He could feel his towel slipping down slowly but surely. He cleared his throat awkwardly, getting their attention. He hated to do so, but he didn't think anyone would want what could result to happen.

"Uhm, sorry, but, uhm, m-my towel- - it's falling down."

The Gems' eyes bulged, and they quickly let him go, letting him grab his towel before it could fall down. They all chuckled nervously.

"All right, Shtuball, we put in some clean clothes for ya in the dryer. They should be done now," Greg said to break the silence that threatened to linger the air. "Here, let's get it out, yeah?"

Steven was thankful for Greg's comment. He didn't want another awkward silence to happen. Steven nodded and ran to his father's side, walking with him over to get fresh clothes from the dryer.

"Thanks, Dad," Steven commented as they were walking.

"No prob, Bob," Greg replied, ruffling Steven's hair.

"Hey, Dad," Steven said out of the blue. "Uhm... can I ask you something?"

Greg raised a brow. "What is it, kiddo?"

"Is it weird that when I showered, I didn't feel anything?" Seeing Greg's baffled face, Steven tried to rephrase his question. "I mean, like, you know when I said that the shower made me feel like I was being protected and safe and happy?" Greg nods at this. "Well, when I just showered now, I didn't get that feeling. I just felt like I was... there. That was it. Like it was just a shower, and nothing else. Is that okay?"

"Whoo-whee," Greg breathed out. Seeing Greg's warm smile starting to show, Steven felt a little wave of relief. "Yeah, that's a good sign, son. It means that you didn't need your safe haven; that's a real good thing."

"Okay, great, thanks!" Steven ran to the dryer as soon as his eyes set on it. Greg stood still and waited for Steven. Greg slid his hands into his pockets, a little smile on his face. He had a feeling that things were going to start turning out for the better from this point on.

Steven changed, and he started watching his shows he had missed out on. Pearl was sat next to him, Amethyst on his bed, and Garnet behind him, her legs propped beside him and her hands at his sides. Feeling Garnet's tense body, Steven slowly leaned against her, nuzzling himself in her hold. Garnet smiled a bit, just wanting to hug him for eternity at that moment.

* * *

Greg had his eyes set on the four grouped together. A rush of emotions flooded throughout his mind, but one that stuck out was sadness. He knew that it was his cue to go and to let things resolve themselves naturally. He was happy Steven was getting better, but feeling unneeded was something he had become accustomed to. He was needed, and now he wasn't. He already missed the feeling of being needed and wanted around. Greg strode to the door, and shut the screen door. This caught Steven's attention before he could sleep in Garnet's embrace.

Steven hopped out of her hold and rushed down the stairs, going out the door. Greg was already down the steps when Steven came out the door. Steven breathed heavily as he ran down the stairs.

"Wait!" Steven yelped. Greg turned his head around, surprised. Steven reached Greg's side and panted, catching his breath. He reached out for Greg's hand, and he clutched onto it tightly. After composing himself, Steven looked up at Greg. "Dad, where are you going?"

"I'ma go back to the car wash," Greg replied, a smile on his face. He had become excessively well at sending an intended signal to cover up his true feelings. But Steven could make out the sad smile behind Greg's warm expression. "I'm real glad you're getting better, bud."

"Dad, stay here," Steven said as Greg made a step forwards. Steven didn't let go of Greg's hand; he tugged on his dad's arm. Steven's eyes swelled with some tears. "Don't go, Dad. Can't you stay here?"

Greg became a bit unsettled. He was confused. "Wh-why?"

Steven was thrown off-guard by Greg's response. His eyebrows furrowed into a sad arc. "Wh-what do you mean why?" Steven's lip trembled a bit. "D-do you not wanna stay here with me?"

Greg's eyes bulged. "No, no, no!"

"No?" Steven asked, his voice strained.

"No! I didn't mean no, I meant no, I meant- -," Greg sighed, sliding his hand over his face. "I do wanna stay here, son. But I'm not needed anymore. You're getting better, you and the Gems are talking again. I've helped all I can right now."

Steven's current expression was new to Greg: it was the most utter sad and pained expression he had ever seen. Greg's breath caught in his throat. What did he say wrong? What could he do?

"Dad, I don't want you to feel like that," Steven finally said, his voice quiet.

"Like what?"

"Like you're not needed, or like I don't need you anymore, or that I don't want you around now that I'm getting better."

Greg became silent.

"I need you, Dad. You've always helped me the best you can, and I am so happy that you do. I know this Gem stuff is scary, but you still help me, and you don't ever doubt me. Not a lot of people would do what you do for me, dad. You're really awesome for doing all you do for me. I'm not tryna make it sound like I need you whenever I'm in trouble or something, I'm tryna say that I need you all the time. You're my dad; I'll always need you and I'll always want you around."

Greg darted his eyes from his feet to meet his son's gaze. His son was very smart, and very wise. He didn't know how he could be the father of such a great kid. This moment was washed away by Steven's next words; it gave a pang to Greg's chest.

"I wish you would come around more often... I always come to you... it feels like sometimes you're too scared to see me..."

Greg's eyes teared up. He stepped towards Steven and got down on one knee. Greg placed an arm around Steven as Steven roughly wiped away a tear he shed. Steven started to shake a bit. Greg sat down in the sand, and Steven did the same.

"Son, I'm real sorry I don't come around more. I always have this thought that you do way better when I'm not around... sometimes I feel like I just keep you from doing great things. Like that time when I faked my leg still being broken? I know you said it was okay, but..." Greg sighed. He didn't trust his own wording. "I held you back from your potential, kiddo. That was real crummy of me, and I don't wanna get in the way again. But I really wanna spend more time with you, trust me on that."

"Dad, you don't bring me down, we just don't see each other a lot. That's why we get carried away and stuff. Can we start hanging out more?"

Greg sniffled. "Only if you really wanna, bud."

Steven's action was within nanoseconds; he engulfed Greg in his tight embrace. "Please," Steven whispered, his voice breaking a bit. "I love you, Dad."

Greg quickly hugged Steven back, rubbing soothing circles on Steven's back as Steven started to cry softly. "I love you too, son."

* * *

Steven was hesitant on letting Greg return to his van, but he wanted to let his dad have a breather before he came back. In a way, Greg had saved Steven, just as how Steven did for Lapis. Steven went back inside the beach house of the temple, stretching his body and rubbing off the dry streaks from his tears on his face. It was dusk now. Steven was surprised at how time flew by; when all of this started, time seemed to go by so slow, in a manner that would expand his negative feelings. When you get caught up in something, time just goes by before you can grasp it.

Steven let out a long yawn, arching his back. He took his phone out of his pocket and texted Connie.

" _How's your day going?"_  he texted her.

It took a while before she texted back.

" _It was good, I had fun! How about you? Feeling any better?"_

" _I'm feeling really good right now! Guess what?"_

" _What? O:"_

" _I'm out of the room!"_

" _O: What? That's amazing! I'm so happy for you!"_

" _Thanks; you were a big help! C: I'll see you soon?"_

Connie's mouth was a bit agape at his text, but it turned into a smile.

" _Sure, whenever you're up for it!_

" _Great! I'll talk to you soon!"_

" _TTYS!"_

Steven went up the steps to his bed, falling face-first into his own bed. He let out a happy sigh as he sunk into the mattress. He missed his bed. He rolled onto his back, pulling his warm blanket over him. Lion was already sleeping on the bed, making Steven smile a bit. He noticed that the Gems were not around. He hoped that they were not engaged into another argument, but he was too tired to find out. Before he could go to sleep, the Gems appeared behind him, startling him.

"Whoa, wha- -"

"Steven, how about another slumber party?" Amethyst offered.

"Sorry, guys, I'm really tired."

"That's the best of the party; sleeping!"

Steven gave them a tired smile. "Sure, okay. But don't take up too much room on my bed, please. I missed it."

The three nodded, finding a place to rest on his bed. Amethyst quickly fell asleep, with Pearl soon after. Garnet removed her shades and put on a sleeping mask, which had a print of her shades on it. Steven closed his eyes, falling asleep. Garnet laid her hand on his cheek, stroking it gently.

"We're so glad that you decided to give us another chance, Steven," Garnet whispered to Steven, whom she thought was asleep. "We promise to you that we will try our absolute best to give you the extraordinary life Rose wanted you to have. We all want you to. We love you."

Falling asleep herself, Garnet was turned away from Steven. Steven looked at the three sleeping gem warriors on his bed. It was gonna take a while, but he had a feeling that good things would happen from here on out. He felt his gem grow warm and glow a bit under the blanket, and he knew Rose was showing him affection in the only way she could. Steven rubbed his gem, a warm and tired smile on his face, before he drifted off to sleep.


	18. The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Steven woke up just as the sun started rising. He raised his arm up to block the bright ray of sunshine that went through the window and narrowed his eyes, blinking them to adjust to the brightness of the beach house. He got an eerie feeling as he looked around and didn't see the Gems. He didn't hear any shouting, which was good, but he didn't hear... anything. He slid out of bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up quickly before he would search for them.

"Hello?" Steven called out. "Garnet? Pearl? Amethyst?"

* * *

The Gems were nodding and clearing their throats as they heard Steven's voice from the other side of Amethyst's room. They had gathered in her room to talk about how they would start out their plan. Now that Steven was awake, they were a bit nervous to set it in motion. As per usual, Pearl and Amethyst looked to Garnet for directions. Garnet looked at the two of them and gave them a small, encouraging smile.

"It'll be okay," Garnet whispered. "It'll all work out."

Pearl and Amethyst nodded. Amethyst opened her gem door, gulping before she and the Gems would say something.

* * *

"Garnet? Pearl? Amethyst?"

"Right here, kiddo," Amethyst replied to his call. Steven whirled around and smiled a bit at them.

"There you guys are. I thought you might have gone on a mission or something," Steven added.

Now perplexed as to why they all were in her room, Steven opened his mouth to ask them what was on his mind. Before he could, Garnet walked over to him, bent down to his level, and pressed her finger to his lips. He was confused and anxious; he didn't know what was going on, but he sensed that it was something serious.

"Steven, you should sit down," Garnet said.

Steven's eyes widened a bit, and he became worried. He nodded a bit and went to sit on the couch. All sorts of thoughts popped into his head: Was someone he knew hurt? Was there anything new on Malachite? Was there a situation that the Gems needed to handle that he couldn't go with them to solve? Were they going away? Was he going away? The Gems sat on the couch with them, and they all gave signs that they were high-strung.

**Step 1: Bring up the topic needed to be discussed about.**

Garnet sighed. "Steven, we need to talk to you."

"Uhm... okay..." Steven whispered.

"We felt that yesterday was a very good start for you getting better, and it was. It really was. But, we can't not talk about what caused all of this in the first place."

Steven raised a brow. "I don't get it..."

"We need to talk about your mother," Pearl chimed in.

"We gotta talk about Rose," Amethyst added obviously.

The three all locked their gazes on Steven. Steven felt that he was backed into a corner, and the only way out was through talking.

"Uh, okay, yeah. Let's talk about my mom, I guess."

**Step 2: Bring up what factors started it all.**

Garnet looked at Steven with much worry. She didn't know how this would end for him. She was hoping in good terms.

"Steven, it might be... uncomfortable... to recall, but we'd like to know what made this all happen in the first place."

"I've already told you guys that," Steven said, a bit of impatience in his voice. _Did they not listen to me or something?_ "You should know by now."

Sensing his impatience, Pearl jumped in. "We know, Steven, we'd just like to know it in more detail, if that's okay with you."

Steven sighed, folding his arms over his chest. He knew being cold with them wasn't gonna get him anywhere with improvement, so he scolded himself mentally. He looked from the three of them and cleared his throat. He didn't see what he could lose from this point.

"Well... first, it was with you trying to find a way to block Lion's sonic roar defense. I know my mom meant a lot to you, Pearl. You make it easy to tell every day. Whether you look at the poster of her over the door or you look at my gem, or the way you look at me, like she's here and not me. Sometimes that makes me feel like you forget that I even exist and that makes me feel like I don't matter or something; like you wish she was here instead of me.

"And the times you get really violent about it... it makes me scared, sometimes. Plus, the looks you give my dad. It makes me feel really mad; my dad didn't do anything wrong. He loved my mom a lot, just like you do. It's like you wanna go back in time and prevent them from meeting so that I was never born and so that my mom would still be here instead of me. My dad does a lot to make you try to like him or even tolerate him, and when you turn your nose up or just scoff or something, it hurts him a lot, and me. You're not so mean to him now, but you're still distant from him.

"With Amethyst; well she doesn't really show it sometimes. I guess she's really good at hiding her feelings or she doesn't think about it a lot. But when she curled her hair, she looked a lot like my mom, and it made me think that Amethyst really wanted her there to see how she looked. That isn't bad, but it made me feel more small. And then she got violent, too, and she got really snappy. I haven't seen her like that before, and I was thinking that if I was Mom, I'd know how to fix it, but I'm not my mom.

"Sometimes I think Amethyst really relied on my mom to help with her personal problems, and now that my mom's not here, she thinks she doesn't have anyone to talk to, so she bottles it all up, and when something crosses the line, she blows up, and it's not ever pretty or subtle. I wish she knew she has people to talk to. Like Vidalia! You could go over to her place more often and talk to her so that you don't have to hold in everything.

"And Garnet. Uhm, I dunno. I heard Ruby and Sapphire argue in Garnet's room twice; Ruby was really mad. Ruby was saying that none of this would be happening if my mom was still around or if they were as good and wise as my mom. Sometimes you guys don't realize how cool and awesome you are, and when you say my mom could make everything better, it makes me feel like you guys just wish I wasn't born or something. But I know Ruby and Sapphire were trying to protect me, too, but they didn't know that it was too late.

"And with my dad; I know you're not as 'ugh' with him as Pearl is sometimes, but when he tries to help and there's a few bumps in the road, you tell him it's okay and that he tried his best like he's a kid; like he couldn't have done it anyways. I know you don't mean it, but that's how it looks like. And then I think of the times you say that kind of stuff to me, and it makes me think that you think I can't do things. I know better now, but sometimes... it just gets to me.

"So... there you go."

**Step 3: Say/do something, already.**

The Gems were in a stunned silence. There was so much more to it than they could have imagined. Steven sat there awkwardly, and he started randomly chuckling. They were a bit knocked off guard, and were puzzled. Steven went into a fit of laughter, and they all were uncomfortably perplexed. What was he laughing about?

"If I would have just said all this stuff earlier," Steven breathed as he wiped hot tears from his eyes. "Maybe none of this would have ever happened. I wouldn't have put you guys through all of this bologna and made you feel this bad. I wouldn't have made Connie cry, I wouldn't have made my dad worry so much- - - Gosh, I suck, don't I?" Steven laughed again as he started crying raw sobs.

What none of them knew was that Greg was outside the door. He heard every word. He decided to come by and give Steven some breakfast from town. He didn't expect quite an eventful morning. He cleared his throat and knocked on the screen door lightly and let himself in. Steven lifted his head up and sniffled as Greg sat in front of him.

"Dad? Wh-what are you doing here?"

Greg shook the bag in his hands lightly. "Thought you'd want some b-fest, kiddo."

"H-how much did you hear?"

"Ah, basically everything."

Steven turned a bit red. "Oh."

"Eat up, Shtu," Greg advised. "You need some energy after spilling your guts."

Steven nodded bashfully and began to eat as Greg wiped Steven's tears away. The Gems didn't know what to do; they were relying on Greg. Greg strode over to the kitchen and just stood there, looking at them. The Gems were confused, and their eyes urged for some help from him.

"Sorry, guys, you gotta figure a way out on your own. This isn't something for me to get into."

_COMMENCE STEP 3 ALREADY,_ Garnet was urging herself mentally. She cleared her throat as Steven finished one of his breakfast foods and started drinking his juice. Pearl and Amethyst's eyes were on Garnet's, waiting for her to start off.

"Steven, this isn't your fault," Garnet said simply.

Mid-chew, Steven looked up at her, then looked down again. "Convincing," he said with sarcastic blithe.

Garnet groaned internally. "It really isn't. We should have been more aware of what were we doing, and how it was affecting you. We were so consumed in our feelings of Rose, we didn't focus on what was really important: you. Whenever you say that we're 'awesome' and 'amazing,' you don't know how much joy that brings to us; how confident that makes us feel. Your words mean very much to us. You do so much to help us that we don't think of you having any problems."

Steven was a bit moved, but not enough to say anything; he just took another bite of his food.

"Look, kid," Amethyst said. "You said I'm good at hiding my feelings? Look at you. You've been holding all that in for so long; you're way better than I am at bottling stuff up. And like you said; you should have someone to talk to. You have Connie and your daddio. But when you don't wanna bother them and think your problems are stupid or don't matter, you really need to say something, 'cause that means you're gonna blow up. And kid; you blew up big time. It scared us. We didn't mean to make you feel like that."

Steven only spared her a glance before he resumed eating.

"Steven, we know we can be too hard on you. When we are, you shouldn't feel inadequate or feel as if you can't say anything. You should feel as if you can speak your mind without feeling small. And I know my feelings can be... over the top. I apologize for that. And I should be more respectful to Greg; he's part of the reason why you're even here. You mean so much to us, Steven, don't let that slip your mind. We're sorry. I- -We don't mean to make you feel as though you shouldn't exist. You matter so much to us, and to people around you."

**Step 4: Wait for the response.**

Steven finally finished his food, so there was nothing to distract him. He looked up at his dad, who was giving him no looks of encouragement or anything. Greg was just as expectantly awaiting Steven's response as the Gems were. Steven got off the couch and wiped the crumbs from his clothes and his face. He sucked in a breath and faced them.

"You guys mean a lot to me, too. You're awesome and strong and smart and funny- I couldn't ask for anything more. I really didn't wanna talk about this, but I think it was good that you guys brought it up. I'm sorry I put us all through this. I can't say I won't ever feel like this again... it's something that'll be with me for a really long time. But I'm gonna work on my problems. You guys should, too. Please. I want things to be fun like it usually is."

Garnet laid a hand on Steven's shoulder. "We do too, Steven. We're sorry. We love you."

**Step 5: Hug.**

Steven smiled as the Gems engulfed him in their hold once again. He looked over at Greg, who was giving him a thumbs up as he ate some food from the fridge. Steven chuckled and hugged the Gems back, feeling though all his tension had tore off of him. After a long moment, they let go and continued with what they would usually do in the morning. Garnet and Steven went outside to do their exercise, Amethyst went to eat, and Pearl- - Pearl did something different.

**Step 6: Thank Greg.**

Pearl joined Greg's side. He gave her an acknowledging nod as he bit into his snack, and she nodded back.

"Greg... we wanted to thank you."

"For what?" Greg asked.

"For getting Steven out of Rose's room."

"Ah, he did that himself. That was all him."

"Well, you encouraged him to."

Greg shrugged, continuing to eat.

"I'd like to apologize, personally."

_Step 6: Halted_

Greg's eyes widened. "Hm?"

"I know I've been... cold to you. And for no good reasons. And I know I make you feel inadequate. It's just... you made Rose more radiant and outgoing than she ever was before, and none of us thought that was possible. I envied how close she let you get to her, and I let that envy turn into a disgusting jealousy, and I was nothing but spiteful to you. I shouldn't have done that, so I apologize. I'm... I'm sorry."

Greg was baffled for a moment. Could he forgive her? Shoosh, yeah. He had a big heart.

"It's okay, Pearl. I know I came out of nowhere; it must have felt like I was taking her away from you. But that wasn't it at all. We all miss and love Rose. You just have to channel your feelings... a different way. A more positive way."

"How do you channel your feelings?"

"I remember the good times I had with Rose a lot. But I don't let them affect everything I do. She made me 'wise'."

"Well... as I was saying before, we'd like to thank you for all you've done for Steven. He wouldn't be who he was today without you."

_Step 6: Complete._

"Oh, yeah, no problemo," Greg replied. As Pearl walked away, Amethyst joined Greg's side. "Mm, looking for more snacks?" Greg asked.

"Nah, I've grubbed enough," Amethyst replied. "So, what's the 101 on Steven?"

"What do you mean?"

"You think he's getting better, or you think he needs more of a push?"

"No; we can't always make decisions for him. He's gotta figure some out on his own."

"You think he can?"

"I know he can. I trust my Shtuball. He's all Rose ever wanted to be: himself."


	19. Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Steven and Garnet had just finished their morning exercise. Despite secluding himself in Rose's room for 3 days, Steven had done tremendously for the workout. Garnet was very pleased, and this didn't go unnoticed by Steven. Garnet excused herself and went inside just as Greg came outside. As she passed him, she patted his shoulder and whispered 'thank you' to him before she entered the Temple. Greg let out a small, warm smile as he climbed down the stairs. Steven was wiping his forehead when he spotted his dad, and his face brightened up. Greg had done so much for Steven; Steven wanted to show Greg how thankful he was. But how would he?

Steven ran up to Greg, grabbing his hand immediately. "It's my favorite dad!"

"Oh, you goofball," Greg chuckled, lifting Steven up and putting him on his shoulder.

"Where are you going?"

"No where; I was just gonna walk around the beach."

"Can I tag along?"

"Hm," Greg joked, tapping his chin. "I guess you can; walking with you will be fun."

"Well, I am a pretty great guy," Steven boasted, puffing out his chest and posing, his smile big.

"Can't argue with that logic!" Greg smiled, setting Steven down. "Let's go then."

Steven took Greg's hand once again and started the walk. Greg and Steven talked and made jokes as they walked along the shoreline. Greg noticed that Steven would stare at the ocean here and there, and he tried to shrug it off. But Steven's gazes increased, and Greg's curiosity got to him.

"Hey, Steven?"

Steven blinked his eyes a couple of times before he responded. "Yeah?"

"What'cha looking at the ocean for, buddy?"

"Oh, uh, it looks really pretty today," Steven lied, giving a smile. "That's all."

"Are you sure it's not because of Lapis?"

"Malachite," Steven mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets. "...maybe..."

"What's on your mind, kiddo?"

"I just wish I could swim down there and get Lapis out of there. She just got her freedom and now she's trapped again. And this time, I can't let her go as easy as I let her out of that mirror. She won't let me help her."

"Some things are beyond our control," Greg replied, ruffling Steven's hair. "It sucks, but you gotta wait it out, kiddo. But I know you'll be ready when Malachite comes out."

Steven smiled warmly, tightening his grip on Greg's hand. "Thanks, Dad. You always know how to cheer me up."

Greg smiled. "Hey, wanna go get some pizza? We could grab a pie before it gets dark."

Steven pondered on the suggestion. Pizza sounded great! But how could he show Greg how grateful he was? Steven perked up, and his smile got bigger, somehow.

"Yeah, let's go!"

Carrying the box in his hand, Greg headed in the direction to go back to the Temple. When he saw that Steven was headed another way, Greg stopped in his tracks and called out for his son.

"Steven! Where are you going?"

"Follow me!"

"Kiddo, it's gonna be dark soon. We should get you back- -"

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease," Steven pleaded, pouting his bottom lip out, using his puppy dog eyes.

Greg groaned internally- - there was no way he could say no to his li'l Shtuball. "Alright, son, but we gotta be quick, okay?"

Steven bounced in place as Greg strode to his side. "Okay! But, you gotta close your eyes."

Greg raised a brow, giving Steven an uncertain look. "What are you up to, bud?"

"Just," Steven flailed his arms around, a giddy look on his face. "Please!"

Greg laughed at Steven's unusual flailing, finally obeying. "Okay, okay! Don't make me fall or anything."

"I won't, Dad," Steven replied, taking Greg's hand. "We'll go slow."

With his eyes shut tight, Greg's heart raced as Steven led him up a steep hill. Greg had to pass the pizza box to Steven just so that it wouldn't fall out of his grip. Greg flailed his free hand around to feel his surroundings, but all he felt was the chilly dusk air slipping through his fingers. He panted as Steven halted and let go of Greg's hand. Greg put his hands on his knees and took a moment to catch his breath, and when he was okay, he stood back up.

"Can I open my eyes now, Steven?" Greg asked, his voice strained. He cleared his throat. "Steven?"

"Just a minute!" Steven chirped. Steven patted the grass beneath him to make sure that the dew hadn't made it too wet, then he set the pizza box down. Steven grabbed Greg's hand and led him towards the ledge, but a foot or two away from it. "Okay, Dad, open!"

Greg finally opened his tight-shut eyes and had to take a minute to adjust to the brightness of the dusky sky. He looked around and saw that he was on a cliff, and then he saw the view. All of Beach City was right there; you could see it all! The Temple, the Big Donut, the car wash- - everything was there, like it was within reach. Greg felt like it was all in the palm of his hand, and it was truly an overwhelming feeling. Greg's eyes teared up a bit from marveling at everything, and he let out a warm, radiant smile. He looked down at the grass and noticed some pink rose petals.

"Where are the flowers?" Greg asked.

"Huh?" Steven looked down at the petals. "Oh, the moss bloomed already."

"Moss?"

"This is where Mom used to watch her moss blossom. The Gems took me here once on a mission. It's really pretty, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it sure is. I wish I could see the moss bloom into flowers- - I bet your mom loved it. It would have never gotten old for her; she loved the simple things."

Steven smiled at his dad's out loud thought. Steven crouched down and picked up some flowers and petals that he had hidden in a patch of grass a while ago, and he put it in his hands. He slipped some flowers and petals into Greg's hands. Greg chuckled and held his hands out, waiting for the countdown.

"One, two, and- -"

Greg and Steven blew on the flowers and petals in their hands, watching as the air wisped them around and out into Beach City. Steven sat down in the grass and patted the spot next to him for Greg to sit, so Greg sat. Greg watched the flowers and petals dance around in the air and land in different places. Some landed in the ocean, and the waves made them move gracefully. Steven opened the pizza box and grabbed a paper plate, setting it in front of Greg and placing two slices of pizza onto it. Steven watched Greg as they both ate, and Steven was really happy that Greg was enjoying this little simple gesture so much. Goes to show, Greg and Rose were just made for each other, as if the universe brought them together. It was Steven's own little Universe to enjoy; to experience.

"Thanks for all you do for me. Mom was right; you're a really great Dad."

Greg let his tears stream down his face as Steven leaned against him. Greg wrapped his arm around his son and scooted him closer, planting a little, pizza-greasy kiss on his forehead. "Anything for you, kiddo."

Steven wiped away Greg's tears with his thumb, smiling again. "I love you."

Greg chuckled. "I love you, too."

Steven lifted up his shirt, seeing that his gem was glowing a bit. Greg looked down and smiled, patting Steven's gem.

"Your mom loves you too. She said whenever you loved yourself, that was her loving you."

"She loves us."

Greg laughed softly. "This is everything she ever wanted."

"What's everything?"

"You, me and her, sitting and loving each other, even through the tough times." Greg looked down at Steven's gem as the light from it was fading, glowing, and fading again. "What do you say, Rose? This the extraordinary life you wanted for our little Shtuball?"

Steven answered that question very quickly. "This is definitely it, Dad. This- - this is everything."


	20. Take Care Of Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *italicized words in-between two horizontal lines/within a horizontal line are either memories or dreams  
> *italicized words in-between two apostrophes ['] are thoughts

Greg felt like he could sit right where he was with Steven forever. He'd have no problem with it. His happy thought was intruded when Steven's phone rang loudly, as if it could pierce the air. Steven smiled nervously as he slowly rose from Greg's side and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Steven, we need you to head back home; it's dark out."

Steven sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Okay, Garnet. We'll be there in a bit." Steven had gotten a little shut eye while he was leaning on Greg. A cat nap was something he very-well needed. "We gotta head back, Dad. Sorry."

"Ah, that's okay, bud. I know I gotta get you back. Let's get going, then."

As Greg and Steven started making the while-long trip back to the Temple, Steven pulled out his phone and texted Connie. For some reason, he couldn't let the night end. Something inside of him was urging him to have Connie come over. For what reason was unknown, but he just had to.

S: _'Hey, Connie, are you still awake?'_

C: _'Haha, yeah, it's only 7:30ish. Why? What's up?'_

_'I was wondering if you could come over? I know it's late and all, but I really wanna see you. If you can't, that's okay.'_

Connie took a while to respond. By the time she finally did, Steven and Greg had reached the beach shore.

_'My mom has an emergency case. She said she can drop me off really quick before she goes in. I'll be over there in a bit!'_

_'Awesome! Tell her thanks!'_

Greg opened the door for Steven, chuckling as Steven bumped into the door frame. "Busy there, kiddo?"

Steven smiled shyly. "No, sorry, hehe. I was texting Connie. She's coming over. Is that okay with you?"

Greg smiled. "It is with me, but you gotta ask the Gems, too, bud."

Steven's eyes widened as Garnet placed her hand on his shoulder. He turned, and all three Gems were there. "Ask us what?"

"Hnnnnng," is what Steven muttered.

"'Hnnnnng'?" Amethyst mocked, snorting. Pearl elbowed her, smirking as Amethyst yelped a bit.

"Uhm, isitokayifconniecomesoverbecauseshesalreadyonherway- -"

"Steven," Garnet smiled. "Slow down."

"Is it okay if Connie comes over? Because she's already on her way..."

"Sure, it's not so late. We just wanted you home because it's dark out, is all."

Steven perked up. "Cool! I'll call Connie and see- -" Steven's words were interrupted by a knock at the door. He turned and saw Connie there, with her white torso and green skirt dress, waving at him. He smiled brightly as Greg opened the door and she stepped in. "She's here!"

"Hiya," Connie smiled, greeting everyone. She walked over to Steven, and they both gave each other an awkward laugh. "It's been a while..."

"Yeah," Steven replied, his hands slapping his sides. He bounced up and down on his toes a bit, darting his eyes around for a moment. "So, are you hungry?"

"Kinda, yeah."

"We can eat some snacks," Steven suggested. Why was it so awkward between them?

"Sure, okay," Connie replied, following behind Steven.

The Gems and Greg were a bit puzzled, but they all figured that Steven could resolve this awkwardness himself. Greg and Amethyst started watching some shows on Steven's TV, Pearl went into her room, and Garnet went outside. Steven and Connie were snacking on the couch in silence, the only sounds provided being Greg and Amethyst's laughter. Connie swayed her feet up and down as she ate, wondering why it was so awkward between her and Steven.

"So, how have you been?" Connie asked.

"I've been great, actually," Steven replied, smiling mid-bite. "How about you?"

"Good, good," Connie replied. She twiddled her thumbs, biting on her bottom lip. _'Say something!'_

"So, I wanted to say sorry," Steven said quietly. "And thanks."

_'Wait a minute, Connie.'_

"I wanted to say sorry for making you cry. I never want to make you cry ever again, it was one of the most regrettable things I've ever done in my life. I just- - I thought if you were gone, I wouldn't make you sad- -"

"You already told me, Steven," Connie chuckled. "I said it was okay."

"No, but, I was just," Steven sighed, trying to find the words. "I tell you everything. Not wanting to tell you everything I wanted to say hurt me a lot because I knew it was hurting you, but I just couldn't tell you. I thought I would spare you some pain if I didn't tell you what I was feeling. I'll try to be... better next time I get this sad again."

"'Be better'?" Connie said, a bit surprised at his wording. "Steven, you can't help how you feel. I'll be there by your side no matter what. If you need space, I'll give you space, but I'll still check up on you. I am your best friend, after all."

Steven smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being my best friend."

Connie smiled, pulling Steven in her embrace. "No problem, best friend."

Steven hugged her back for a brief moment, and then they both pulled away. They started laughing and chatted as they usually would, which was an overwhelming relief and a surge of joy for the both of them. The Gems and Greg had all joined the two kids when they suggested playing a game for all of them to play, and everyone was having a good time. The Gems and Greg were sharing laughs and talking a lot, Connie and Steven helped each other with their strategies, and everyone was shouting with excitement. They had played a lot of games, and they even played hide and seek. After that was over, everyone went outside.

Steven, Connie, Amethyst and Greg all splashed each other with water, having fun in the water. Garnet and Pearl cheered for them on the sidelines, whooping and laughing at the sight. Connie grew cold as the winds of the night started picking up and grew crisp, shivering violently. Greg suggested it was high time to go back inside, and everyone agreed since everyone became hungry. Everyone except Pearl.

Before anyone could notice, Steven lingered back and knelt down in the water, placing his palm on the water, smiling warmly as the waves washed between his fingers, as if someone was trying to hold his hand. The smell of ocean salt satisfied Steven. He looked out into the ocean, admiring the ripples of the reflection of the moon in the ocean. He liked how blue the water looked at night. He glanced down at his hand and felt as if someone was grabbing his hand, so he closed his hand a bit as if he was grabbing their hand back. Steven closed his eyes and cleared his mind.

"I'll find a way to help you, Lapis, I promise." Steven thought out loud.

Steven's eyes flew open, and he stumbled a bit. He regained his posture, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. Before Greg could turn to call for Steven, the now usual go-lucky boy ran to his father's side, carrying on a conversation. He glanced back at the ocean one last time before he went inside. He would meet the ocean gem once again, as herself, hopefully.

* * *

"What should we eat?" Amethyst asked. "I'm pretty sure our food stash in the cabinets is running low. It won't feed all of us."

Everyone started making suggestions, and something popped into Steven's head. He and Connie hadn't made s'mores like he had said they would!

"S'mores!" Steven blurted out, and all eyes were on him. He chuckled bashfully, darting his eyes around. "I told Connie I would make s'mores with her next time she came, and I didn't do that. We could all eat s'mores, yeah?"

They all agreed, and so did Pearl- - to help make them, at least. So they turned on the fireplace and grabbed the bag of marshmallows and some skewers. Steven and Connie grabbed pillows and set it near the fireplace, roasting their marshmallows first. Pearl handed everyone their graham crackers and some pieces of chocolate, watching the mess she'd have to clean up unfold. Chocolate started dripping onto the floor as did over-roasted marshmallow goop. Graham cracker crumbs were all over the place, and sticky fingers were on many surfaces. Pearl's eyes rolled almost all the way back into her head, and she had a meek smile on her face.

Steven and Connie were roasted another batch of marshmallows for all when they looked at each other.

"It's good to have you back here, Connie," Steven smiled.

"It's good to be back, Steven. I missed you."

"I missed you, too. So, tell me what you've been doing!"

"Okay, as long as you'll tell me what you've been up to after."

"Done deal!" Steven chirped.

Connie started telling Steven all she'd done while their little 'hiatus.' Steven looked around as she rambled on, looking at Greg and Garnet talking as they ate their s'mores. Some chocolate dribbled down Garnet's chin, and they both shared a laugh. Amethyst and Pearl were having a little fit as Amethyst grabbed Pearl's hand and made Pearl's hand a bit sticky, but Pearl used this to her advantage and smeared the sticky contents on Amethyst's face. They were running around, and Greg and Garnet somehow got sucked into it. When Amethyst ran over and ran a line of chocolate on Steven's cheek, Steven let out a battle cry and splotched some chocolate on Connie's nose, and she laughed. Everyone was running around and smearing s'more ingredients on each other, laughing so loudly that it could probably be heard from Beach City.

After everyone ran out of things to stick onto each other, they started to wipe crumbs off of themselves and wash the gunk off. Steven looked at everyone as they all chatted and made bets on who would win next time and what games they should all play next time. Steven was smiling so big, his cheeks started to hurt as they grew warm. Steven felt his stomach grow a bit warm, too, so he looked down and saw that his gem was glowing. He kissed his finger and rubbed it on the gem, then ran to join the others.

* * *

Steven remembered back to the video Rose left for him before he was born. Her words marked true to him, and it always struck a chord inside him. He was determined to live the extraordinary life she wanted for him, and to live life to the fullest. Everyone around him was so determined on taking care of him, but they didn't realize that Steven would heed his mother's last words; that her words were something that he would have to do so long as he lived. They were determined, and Steven was, too. They were all damaged in their own ways. They have come a long way, making sure that Steven wasn't damaged along the way, but Steven smiled to himself at the thought. He wouldn't mind being damaged so long as they were getting better; it's just the Universe's way. He looked at the people around him and thought about the friends he had in Beach City. Rose's last words were words he made his absolute lifelong goal.

_"Take care of them, Steven."_


End file.
